Till Death Do Us Part
by Halo4anoose
Summary: Fred's back in the real world with Natalie as his new charge. but his feelings for Lizzy are still burning. Can he find a way to connect with her? FredxElizabeth
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Drop Dead Fred nor do I make any money from any of this. Dammit.

* * *

Fred gazed at Lizzy as she hugged her 7 year-old self. He felt his heart break, as he knew his time with Lizzy had come to an end. His little Snotface would be gone from his life, and he would finally move on to another child who was in need of an imaginary best friend. Fred realized at this very moment, he would never hold Lizzy's hand when she needed emotional support. He would never be able to hold her close when the Mega Beast became verbally abusive. He would never see her face light up whenever she was truly happy.

He blinked back tears when he told her he couldn't come with her and she had to go back alone. He decided in that split second that he would do something daring. Usually when it came time for an imaginary friend to leave, all the child would have to do is to say his name while in the confines of Fred's imagination. However, Fred couldn't pass up this last chance to do something he had wanted to do since he sunk her best friend's boat.

He walked to the center of the room and met Lizzy in the middle."Kiss me, and say 'Drop Dead Fred'," he said softly. Fred reached for her lips, savoring and dreading the idea that he had finally reached the pinnacle of his relationship with Elizabeth. His heart fluttered and his stomach quivered when her warm, soft lips met his. He wanted her more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire existence.

"Drop...Dead...Fred." Lizzy whispered. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Fred mirrored her actions and held her just as tightly as if trying to use her body to bandage his bleeding heart. He felt his existence begin to drain away into Lizzy's being, and before completely vanishing he melded himself into her soul. He would forever be a part of her, and he made absolutely sure she would never forget him.

* * *

When he opened his eyes he found himself once again in Limbo. He had heard the term 'limbo' when he was in the real world, however no one outside of the 'real world' knew that there was an actual place called Limbo. This was where all Imaginary Friends came between duties. He moved along the cobblestone road leading to large building that overshadowed the entire city. He passed numerous buildings and structures, all of which were disproportionate to one another. If the inhabitants of Limbo were anything, they were certainly creative. Each building was colored in obscenely bright greens, yellows, pinks, and oranges. Doorways were angled or curved, none were a perfect rectangle shape.

The inhabitants were just as colorful and odd as the dwellings they slept in. The residents of Limbo seemed to get dressed in perpetual darkness as none of the outfits they wore matched in any way. Some dressed in random costumes with the clothing turned inside out or backwards. Colors clashesd, shoes mismatched, and there wasn't a matching sock in sight. Fred felt a little nostalgic as he walked through the city while a small bit of trepidation began to creep into his mind.

He would get his new instructions from Calypso, the being in charge of Limbo and all Imaginary Friends, or 'IFs', dispersed throughout the real world. While Calypso himself was not scary, the idea of his long absence would most certainly be be brought up. Depending on Calypso's mood, his next charge could be either fun to play with or be dreadfully boring.

Fred slowly made his way up the steps to the front door of the large, looming building which housed the leader of Limbo and all of the 'administrative' IFs. The nervousness of him possibly being in trouble began to make him sweat. It wasn't his fault that he was taped inside a jack-in-the-box for all those extra years! Calypso would understand...he hoped. Maybe if he did, he could ask for a vacation. He needed time to clear his head of Lizzy, because he would already have a hard enough time to make sure his mind didn't wander as it was now. He already missed her terribly and he didn't know if he could handle another child with Lizzy on his mind. He would be thinking of how Lizzy's eyes sparkled with mischef whenever they were both up to no good, the way her hair felt like silk through his fingers...whether it was attached to her head or not...

Gah! He shook his head in an attempt to literally shake the thoughts of Lizzy from his mind. He let out a huge sigh as he started to ascend the stone stairs.

"Fred! Where in the hell have you been?" a voice shouted from the door at the top of the stairs. Fred's intense thoughts of 'his' Lizzy began to wane at the sound of the voice.

"Rowdy Ruddy Roddy? Is that you mate?" Fred hadn't seen Roddy in years, in fact, the last time he saw Roddy was when he left to go be with his Snotface...dammit, he couldn't go five bloody minutes without thinking about her!

"Heya Fred! Long time no trouble mate! Man where have you been? It's been BORING without you around!" Roddy shouted.

"Well...it's a long story my friend," Fred said, "My last assignment was...um...complicated."

"Well you'd better get in here. Calypso has been waiting. I figure he's got some questions for you," Roddy replied.

"Damn," Fred's nervousness started to show, "How much trouble am I in?"

"HA! You in trouble? NEVER! Calypso is just highly curious, it's not like you to be gone so long."

"Right, so... in I go then I suppose..." Fred said with a sigh. To re-live his story of leaving Lizzy was going to be hard, he would definitely be in rare form for Calypso's amusement.

Fred made his way inside and looked to his right. He was surprised to see Roddy in step with him. "Um, did you think I needed an escort or something?" Fred asked.

"Nah mate, things have changed since you were gone. I'm Cal's assistant now. No need for me to deal with the kiddos anymore. Totally on easy street," Roddy said with a smile, "Besides, I was getting too attached. Makes it hard for leaving eh?"

"Eh..." Fred mumbled. He hoped it would only be a one-on-one session with him and Calypso. Having to tell only one person would be hard enough...

* * *

"DROP DEAD FRED! How the hell are ya boy?" Calypso's slighty-twangy voice echoed off of the office walls. Fred immediately saw that he was in no trouble at all, as Calypso rose to come around his desk to give him a bear hug and a clap on the shoulder. The leader of the IFs was quite possibly the most sanely dressed individual in Limbo. His poet's shirt was tucked neatly in his tight blue leather pants. He wore a matching blue eye patch, and to offset the normalcy of the rest of his wardrobe the boots donned were lavender. His white hair flowed down to the middle of his back, and it was tied neatly in a simple low ponytail with a neon green ribbon. Fred's nervousness immediately vanished.

"I'm good Cal, how have things been around here?" Fred replied.

"Oh you know the usual, children needing friends, me sending out the loosest cannons in Limbo to deal with the madness. It's a never-ending loop of ridiculousness." Calypso said while waving his hand in the air. "So how's Elizabeth? I know that awful woman had you in a most uncomfortable position within a jack-in-the-box for quite some time, but aside from all that...how'd everything go? Roddy and I are dying to hear the details!"

"Yes, well...you know...um..." Fred faltered, knowing that Calypso knew more than what he let on. He probably knew he kissed Lizzy, how he purposely made sure a part of him would stay with her wherever she went. Hiding anything from Calypso could prove to be detrimental to the decision of his next assignment, so he decided to tell the truth.

"She's going to be perfectly fine. However, I'm an unmitigated disaster at the moment," Fred sighed, "I think I'm no longer any good to be sent out and help children."

"Hmmm." Calypso sat down in the oversized push chair and took a hard look at Fred. He knew occasionally an IF could stay with a child until they reached their teens, however, no human had ever been best friends with an IF as an adult. The resulting side effects were generally more damaging to the human, not the IF. Regardless, Calypso saw the pained expression on Fred's face and decided there was no need for Fred to tell his story in front of an audience.

"Roddy, be a lamb and see if there's any scotch in the kitchen? I think Fred and I need some alone time...and possibly a drink when we're done."

"Yes sir, two scotches coming right up." Roddy bowed his head and quickly left the room. Fred let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and sat down in the chair opposite Calypso.

"Thank you for that..."

"Not a problem. Now, seems we have much to discuss. And to be completely honest Fred, I've never seen you look so serious and troubled," Calypso replied. "It's downright disturbing. Come on now, let's hear of your adventures concerning 'your' Lizzy".

'Well bugger...' Fred thought, 'I think I'm busted...'

* * *

Two hours and one massive headache later, Fred finally got the last of his story out. As if right on cue, Roddy was knocking on the door with two double scotches in each hand.

"Here ya go. Anything else?" Roddy asked as he set the drinks on Calypso's desk.

"Not at the moment Rod," Calypso said as he took one of the glasses. "We'll let you know."

"Right then." Roddy bowed his head as he made his way back out into the corridor closing the door behind him.

Fred picked up the remaining glass on the desk and downed it's entire contents. He looked down into the glass when he was to done to see his reflection staring back at him within the scotch-laced ice cubes. The reflection was warped and misshaped, and he idly thought perhaps that was how he looked from Lizzy's point of view. Warped, misshaped, a bit psychotic, and now broken. He could feel the tears begin to well up again behind his eyelids, and he wished he could be anywhere else than in world than in Calypso's office. Especially if he was gonna start crying like a dammed girl.

"Well Fred, " Calypso finally broke the silence, "I don't think theres a lot of options here. You're going to have to either go back into the real world as someone else's imaginary friend, or stay here and piddle about the office. Now I know how you get when you're bored, so I think being an office worker is not going to be your forte."

"What if I choose neither?" Fred questioned.

Calypso regarded him silently. He did have the power to banish Fred from Limbo as he had to do so in the past with other IFs. However, banishment meant turning human, which meant an IF had to immediately adjust to being a human. As the record stood, 769 IFs had been banished since Limbo's beginnings...and all who were banished had met frightfully dreadful ends. Some had committed suicide, some died as homeless persons, others rotted away in jail cells for their outlandish behavior, while the rest languished in padded cells of sanitariums. Calypso knew if he were to turn Fred loose the poor red-head's demise would come swiftly, as all IFs simply could not adjust to the normal rules, physiological and psychological, of the real world.

However, none of those who were banished were suffering from heartache. This made Fred an anomaly, but Calypso could not even begin to think about banishing Fred. He'd done nothing wrong, he hadn't broken any of the sacred laws of being an IF (actually there was only one rule: an IF must never do any physical harm to his or her charge. Everyone and everything else was fair game), and Fred had fully followed through with all of his charges since his time began in Limbo.

Calypso's eyes fell to the stack of files he had on his desk. There were many children in the real world who could certainly use an imaginary friend in their lives. Calypso's eyes pinpointed one particular file...

'Hmm...just maybe...' Calypso thought, 'This will either work fabulously or be a complete and utter disaster...'

"Well?" Fred asked as he looked at Calypso, "What's going to happen if I choose neither?"

"I'm sorry Fred, that's not even an option." Calypso replied. "Quick question though...how would you feel about possibly making Mickey Fartpants life a bit more...interesting?"

"Why in the hell are you even asking me this?!" Fred yelled. "Fartpants makes me want to gag! I can't STAND him! He's such a girl!" Fred jumped up from the chair and started prowling around the room like a vicious animal. "I hate that bastard! Hate him. Hate him. HATE HIM! And to top it off, he wants to have it off with MY Lizzy!"

"So, why don't you make it hard for him to do so?"

Fred stopped and stared at Calypso. "What are you getting at, mate?"

Calypso pulled out the file he was eyeing and flipped it to Fred. "This is what I'm getting at."

Fred opened the file and read out a name. "Natalie Bunce. What an AWFUL name for a girl!" Fred's eyes widened in realization. "Hey! This is Fartpants's brat!"

"So it seems," Calypso said smoothly, "You can take her on as your new charge and still be able to keep an eye on Lizzy."

"But Elizabeth won't be able to see me," Fred frowned. "What's the point if she can't see me or hear me?"

"I'm sure you'll make yourself known, in your own special way of course."

Fred took another look at the file. "How am I going to be able to keep an eye on Natalie and Lizzy at the same time? I certainly can't leave Natalie. She wouldn't have a file if she wasn't in need of a friend."

"Some things you're just going to have to figure out on your own. Now Fred, do you want the job or not?"

* * *

Roddy watched Fred as he left Calypso's office and made his way out of the building. He turned back to the office door to see Calypso also watching Fred make his way back to the real world.

"Hey Cal, are you sure about this? This seems kinda cruel...for both Fred and his new charge." Roddy asked.

Calypso smiled. "No, this will give Fred time to think, and prepare himself for his biggest adventure yet." He turned and cocked his head to the side while giving Roddy a long look. "By the way, you know its rude to eavesdrop don't you?"

Roddy gave a snort. "It might be rude, but me and Fred were best mates back in the day. Just don't want to see him get banished is all."

"I promise, I won't banish him from Limbo. However, if he chooses to banish himself that's a completely different story."

Roddy stared at Calypso in shock. "Banish himself? Have you gone MAD? IFs can't banish themselves!"

"How do you know?" Calypso asked.

"Well I...uh...erm..." Roddy stuttered and scratched his head. "I uh...huh...well I never seen it happen before! So there!"

"True, but I think it's possible." Calypso replied.

"You mean to tell me you're fixing to send Fred off, and you've got some master scheme that you aren't even sure is gonna work?"

"Pretty much."

Roddy shook his head. "You're twisted mad. I thought you liked Fred?"

Calypso smiled. "I do, and this will put him where he needs to be."

"What's that mean?"

Calypso just smiled as he went back in his office and shut the door. He made his way over to a window that gave a view of the entire city of Limbo. He searched for the IF with the shocking red hair and loud green jacket. When he couldn't find him, he realized Fred had already made his way back to the real world.

"It means he will be preparing himself to become a human." He whispered to himself. "Fred, you'd better make this work, mate. Best of luck to you...heh...and Mickey too. He's sure going to need it."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Again..I own nothing...

For you Young Ones fans...I let a bit of Rick slip into one of Fred's rants. :x

* * *

When Fred opened his eyes and found himself back in the real world, he immediately regretted his decision to take Natalie Bunce on as his new charge. He hadn't left Lizzy for even 24 hours, and in some weird way it felt like this was violating the memory of their time together.

"What am I doing..." He muttered to himself. "This is going to be a bloody disaster..."

He found himself staring at the front of the Bunce's house. He saw Micky come out of the front door and turn to speak to a ghastly looking woman who had followed him outside.

"Please remember not to give Natalie any candy, she tends not to handle the effects of sugar very well. Also, make sure she takes a nap at 1:00 pm. If she doesn't have a nap she will be cranky later on." Mickey instructed, "Oh, and if she misbehaves, just take away her outside privileges. I hate having to do that, but she's got to learn to follow the rules somehow."

"Not a problem Mr. Bunce."

"Also, I might be late tonight. My friend, Elizabeth, called me and we may meet up for dinner." Fred glared daggers at the back of Mickey's head when he said this. He secretly hoped that his hair would spontaneously burst into flames, "Don't worry, I'll pay you extra for taking care of Natalie."

"Thank you sir. I hope you have a splendid time."

Mickey turned and made his way to his beat up junker of a truck. After a few false starts, which almost resulted in flooding the engine, the old beast roared to life and Mickey made it out of the driveway. Fred watched the truck as it made its way down street. He glared at the lady who walked back into the house and gave a snort of derision.

"No candy? Naps? Outside privileges? Fascist! No wonder she needs a friend since she has to put up with that farty bastard and this ugly witch!" Fred scowled and rubbed his hands together, "Right...off to work then!"

* * *

He found Natalie upstairs in her room. She was drawing a picture of a house and what Fred thought seemed to be a sickly dog with a long face. He popped into her room and sat on her windowsill.

"Oi. That drawing is utter crap."

Natalie's head whipped up from her picture and looked at the strange man before her. She'd never seen anyone's hair that red or a suit that green. She knew she shouldn't talk to strangers, but this man didn't seem like a normal stranger.

A knock at her bedroom door drew her attention away from Fred. The bedroom door opened and the babysitter stuck her head in. "Natalie, your breakfast is downstairs getting cold." she said.

"I'm not hungry, and there's a man sitting by my window."

Natalie's babysitter looked confused. "What did you say?"

"She said she's not hungry and that I'm sitting by her window. What's the matter? Are you deaf Witch?" Fred shouted. Natalie put her hand to her mouth to smother a giggle.

"What are you giggling at young lady? And the only one in this room is you. Now stop messing about and come downstairs and eat your oatmeal."

"I don't like oatmeal." Natalie said

"Neither do I," Fred chimed in, "It looks like puke!"

"Yeah! it looks like puke!" Natalie parroted.

The babysitter looked at Natalie oddly for a moment. "Please stop this nonsense Natalie. Come downstairs and eat or no outside time today." The babysitter pulled her head out of the room and shut the door.

Natalie turned to look at Fred. "Who are you?"

"Me? I'm Drop Dead Fred! And don't you forget it! Wanna be friends?"

Natalie looked at him for a moment. "Drop Dead Fred? Is that your real name? It sounds silly."

"Yes that's my real name! What's your name?"

"Natalie Renee Bunce."

"That's a stuuuupid name! I'm gonna give you a new one!" Fred exclaimed. "How about Fart Face?"

Natalie giggled again. She thought Drop Dead Fred was funny...plus he hated oatmeal. He couldn't be a bad person if he hated oatmeal.

"Oi! what are you giggling at Fart Face?"

"You. You're funny." Natalie replied.

"Come on, let's play pretend! We can be anything you want! Wanna be dogs like the one in your drawing?" Fred asked while pointing to the piece of paper on the floor in front of the little girl.

"That's not a dog! That's a horse!" Natalie said.

"That's an uuuuuugly horse! Where's it's horsey teeth? Horses have big teeth you know..." Fred replied.

Natalie burst out laughing. Why couldn't all adults be like this Fred person? "Hey wait a minute...why can't my babysitter see you?"

"Because I'm your new imaginary friend! Only you can see me. But that's ok! We can have all sorts of fun together! Wanna go downstairs and smear that yucky oatmeal all over the carpet?"

"Yeah!" Natalie said as she picked herself up from off the floor. "Race you!"

"HA!" Fred yelled as he pushed Natalie aside and ran out of the door. "Last one there gets oatmeal up their bum!"

* * *

Lizzy let out a sigh as she left the unemployment office. Hopefully she would be able to find another court reporting job within the next few weeks. She had plenty of money left in savings, but she really needed to get back to work. She needed to think of something else besides Drop Dead Fred.

She let out another sigh. While she might have been happier without having to deal with her overbearing mother and that rat-bastard Charles, she was still lonely. She missed her best friend. She missed laughing at his ridiculous behavior, missed the way he always made her feel important, and she really missed the way he would look at her as if she was the most important person in the world. His bright blue eyes, his smile, even the crazy way his hair was styled...she missed everything about him. She quite possibly missed the way his lips felt on hers the most.

It may have only been an innocent kiss between two best friends, but Lizzy wanted more. Fred had been there to support her as she manage to get over the largest hurdles in her personal life. There was a personal bond between him and her, and it was truly crushing her that he couldn't come back. Why did he have to be imaginary? It simply wasn't fair.

Fred's departure left her to her own devices, which in turn led her to phone Mickey. She needed a friend, and since he had already stated he would like to catch up and get to know her better she felt this was a good move.

And of course, Being with Micky would help her forget about Fred. Well, not completely forget about him...just keep her from thinking about him all time.

He had agreed to meet her for an early dinner this evening, so she went home to take a shower and get herself ready for her official first Fred-free date with Mickey Bunce.

* * *

"So what do you think of my idea Fart Face?" Fred asked mischievously.

"I think it's a great idea!" Natalie said. "But Fred, how are we gonna get all that furniture outside?"

"Leave it to me Fart Face! We'll show the Witch who's the boss around here!"

Natalie burst out laughing. Her and Fred had bonded quite quickly and had been causing trouble all day for her babysitter. First there was the scene with the oatmeal, where the majority of it wound up on her and Fred's clothing and hair as they were trying to stick the nasty stuff up each other's bum. They both had technically 'won' the race to get to the kitchen, so it seemed the only rational thing to do was for the both of them to follow though with the punishment.

Afterwards, the Witch decided Natalie had to have a bath in order to wash the oatmeal out of hair. Fred had mysteriously disappeared while the baby sitter was undressing Natalie and running her bubble bath. After she went downstairs to finish cleaning up the oatmeal disaster, Fred popped in and sat outside the closed bathtub curtain. Of course, that's when the bet about who could make the biggest splash started. Fred was using the water in the toilet bowl while Natalie used the water in the bathtub. The curtain between them was used to judge each other on how big of a splash they were making (i.e. whoever got it on the ceiling first).

The Witch came back upstairs just in time to see water seeping out from the bottom of the bathroom door. Which then led to Natalie having her outside privileges being taken away and her being forced to stay in her room. Fred was fine with that as he began to start jumping on the bed. Natalie found that to be just as fun as going outside and jumping on her trampoline...until Fred cracked his head on her ceiling fan and broke one of the fan blades. Natalie found THAT just downright hilarious and let Fred know by falling onto the bed in a laughing fit.

The Witch didn't seem to find it as funny as Natalie did.

That led her to having to spend time in the corner. Fred stayed with her during the entire time and was gracious enough to show her how to wipe bogeys on the wall.

So far, Natalie had decided that today had been the best day ever all thanks to her new best friend Fred. Now, there was a plan of attack forming for them to get back at the Witch for punishing them. HA! They would show her...as soon as they were done filling up these water balloons with chocolate syrup...

* * *

Elizabeth followed Mickey home from the restaurant. She was a bit nervous about meeting his daughter, but she had already come this far and actually had a good time with Mickey on their date. She pulled alongside the curb in front of the house where Mickey had stopped. She got out and looked around. "Wow Mickey, you have a lovely home."

"Thanks Lizzy. At least I got to keep the house out of the divorce." Mickey replied.

Lizzy looked at Mickey nervously, "So, this evening was nice..."

"It was! But listen," Mickey said, feeling a bit nervous himself as he knew he was fixing to put his feelings out there, "You've got options...and I'd like to be one of them. Ok?"

Lizzy nodded slightly. "Ok."

"DADDY DADDY IT WAS HIS IDEA!" Natalie screamed as she ran out of the front door.

Lizzy and Mickey were confronted with a golden-haired girl who was covered head to toe in what appeared to oil. The babysitter was hot on the little girl's heels demanding that she come in side and clean up the mess she had created. Thankfully the dark liquid only turned out to be chocolate, but when Lizzy heard the explanation of why the little girl had chocolate all over her she almost fell over in shock as the babysitter chimed in and explained that apparently a 'pretend friend' was the culprit.

"He's not pretend! He's Drop Dead Fred!" Natalie yelled at the three adults.

Lizzy crouched down next to the little girl. She must have made a mistake. There was no way she just heard that name...

"What did you say?" Lizzy asked.

Fred popped out from behind the tree he was hiding behind. "She said Drop Dead Fred! Are you deaf?" He said right in Lizzy's face.

When he disappeared back behind the tree, his face contorted in pain. She was here. His Snotface. He had almost forgotten about possibly seeing her! All the feelings he had been suppressing all day while playing with Natalie came to the surface. He wasn't expecting to see Lizzy so soon, even though he was deliriously happy in being able to see her on his first day back in the real world. He closed his eyes as he continued to hear the conversation going on behind him. Of course it was the usual banter about whether or not the adults were going to believe whatever the little girl said.

"I believe you!" Lizzy said. Natalie immediately smiled...along with her new friend who was hiding behind the tree. "Next time you see that Drop Dead Fred, you give him my love."

Fred let out a small gasp and put his hands over his chest. It hurt, he wasn't with his Snotface and it just simply hurt. But, she loved him (sort of), and she even said it in front of Fartpants! His heart and his head were pounding. He wanted to run out and tell Natalie to give Lizzy a message from him, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet anyways, he needed more time and certainly less people around.

Fred sighed as he looked out across the yard and saw the second part of the prank he had set up for the Witch. Damn, he almost forgot! He had to get it together especially since Natalie was counting on him to finish what he started.

* * *

While Mickey was trying to calm down the babysitter, Lizzy's head was spinning. Drop Dead Fred...he was here! Granted she couldn't see him, but the fact of the matter is that he was HERE. The babysitter's scream yanked her from her thoughts. Lizzy turned around just in time to see the screaming woman swing upside down in a tree from the end of a rope circled around her ankle.

Natalie was laughing hysterically. And actually Lizzy couldn't blame the little girl, as it was pretty damn funny sight to see. She turned back to look at the Natalie and received the ultimate confirmation that Drop Dead Fred was here. Natalie's pinky finger was crooked and looked like it was hanging on to something. Lizzy smiled and her insides churned. He was here really really here!

* * *

It took Mickey twenty minutes to get the babysitter out of the tree. By the time he was done, he was certain that he would have to scratch her name off of his contacts list, especially since she had whacked him with her purse about 20 times after he had gotten her out of the tree. Once the babysitter was finally done assaulting him, she stormed off down the street. Mickey sighed and turned around to give Natalie a stern look.

"Dammit Natalie! I have work tomorrow! Where am I going to find another babysitter this late in the evening to watch you?" Mickey exclaimed. "I thought we were past all this nonsense since your mother left us? What happened to you promising to be on your best behavior?"

Natalie looked frightened and she frantically looked around for Fred, who had conveniently disappeared. "But Daddy, it wasn't my fault!" Natalie cried. "Fred..."

"I don't want to hear it Natalie." Mickey grumbled. "I know you're having a tough time dealing with all of this, but you HAVE to work with me here..."

"Um Mickey?" Lizzy whispered.

"What?" Mickey turned around to see Lizzy looking at him. "OH! Oh my God Lizzy, I'm so sorry for Natalie's behavior. She usually not like this..."

"No it's not that. Um, I'm not doing anything tomorrow...seeing as how I don't have a job or anything...I could watch her. That is, if you don't mind."

"Seriously?" Mickey looked shocked. "I mean come on, I know you have a lot going on right now Lizzy. I can't ask you to do this..."

"No no! I mean, you don't have to ask me. I'm offering." Lizzy replied.

"Again...seriously? Look at the carnage in my front yard. I have a tree full of furniture and a pissed off, middle-aged woman that's going to possibly need a lot of mental therapy after what she had been through today. Are you sure you want to be a part of this?" Mickey asked.

Lizzy gave him a nod and Mickey breathed a sigh of relief. "This is so great!" Mickey exclaimed. He looked down at Natalie. "Sweetie, do you think you could get along with Lizzy long enough for me to find you another babysitter?"

Natalie looked up at Lizzy. She really didn't know what to make of this lady. Just then she heard a voice shout from the top of the tree.

"Oi! Is that gonna be the new babysitter? She looks like a complete and utter snotface! Great, just great! I'm gonna be stuck between a fartface and a snotface! Perrrfect!" Fred snorted. "Might as well tell Daddy Fartpants yes...she did kinda stick up for us."

Natalie smiled as she looked up at her new best friend with the flaming red hair. He was right of course, Lizzy DID believe her. She turned back to Lizzy and her father and nodded.

"Ok Daddy."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't anything, and if I did Drop Dead Fred would have probably been rated R...

To the one person who left me a review, I just wanted to say thank you for the kind words and to keep on checking back regularly!

This is the real chapter 3...I'm an idiot _

* * *

"Hey Daddy, can Fred sleep in my room?" Natalie asked as Mickey tucked her into bed.

"Really Natalie, I wish you would stop with this whole Fred thing." Mickey said with a sigh.

"But Daddy!"

"No buts missy. Now go to sleep. Lizzy will be here early tomorrow morning, and hopefully there won't be any funny business." Mickey said. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight Natalie."

"Goodnight Daddy."

After Mickey shut Natalie's bedroom door, Fred rolled out from underneath Natalie's bed. "Heya Fart Face," he whispered, "We had fun today, didn't we?"

Natalie giggled as she leaned over the bed to look at Fred. "Yep!" she excitedly whispered back, "Can we do it again tomorrow?"

"You know it! We're gonna make mud pies tomorrow...and then make Snotface eat it!" Fred said as he pulled himself out from underneath the bed. He sat down on the edge and gave her a huge smile. "Do you want to see me do a cool trick?" Natalie bobbed her head up down.

"Alright then, but afterwards you have to go to sleep OK?" After another nod from Natalie, he folded his ear inward and tucked it within his ear canal. He then took his hands away, bared down, and made his ear pop back to normal without touching it.

Natalie giggled then leaned forward and gave Fred a big hug. "You're the coolest friend I've ever had, Fred."

Fred returned the hug. "And don't you forget it! Alright...to bed with you!" he said as he re-tucked her back into her covers.

"Are you going to leave?" Natalie asked.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be asleep right here on the ceiling."

"The ceiling?"

"Of course! Where else would I sleep? Now shut up Fart Face and close your eyes!"

Natalie giggled one last time before she closed her eyes tightly. She couldn't wait until tomorrow.

* * *

Lizzy lay awake back at her apartment. What on earth was she thinking? Babysitting Mickey's daughter was one thing, but babysitting Mickey's daughter who was best friends with a invisible, maniacal prankster was completely insane. She wondered if he would even remember her, as she wasn't sure what would happen to Fred after she left him. Does an imaginary friend have memories? Or do they just live in the moment? Judging by Fred's actions, it really seemed to be the latter.

She rolled over and gazed out her window, the trepidation began to knot in her stomach. Why was she so nervous? It was only Fred!

'That's exactly it...it's FRED!' her conscious screamed at her. She sighed and shut her eyes in hopes of silencing the thoughts and voices in her head. 'He's gonna torment you...' her conscious warned, 'You're going to be the one hanging upside down in a tree, or worse locked up in a dryer or something.'

Lizzy groaned at that last thought. She knew exactly how bad Fred could get when he was out of control. Granted, he never actually hurt anyone...but the messes...oh God the messes...

What if she played along with Natalie and Fred? Maybe the path of destruction Fred always left behind him wouldn't be nearly as bad. It could almost be manageable...

'Yeah, just keep telling yourself that...' she thought.

Her conscious could be such a sarcastic ass sometimes.

Lizzy sighed and smothered her face with a pillow, mentally wishing...no...begging that Fred would be halfway behaved tomorrow.\

* * *

Fred rested against a large overstuffed teddy bear Natalie had in one corner of the room. The teddy bear was almost as big as the little girl, so the stuffed animal made quite a nice cushion. He could have slept 'bat-style' on the ceiling, but he had too much on his mind. In a weird way, he felt that if he hung upside down long enough, the weight of his problems would rip his feet off of the ceiling and bring him crashing down on top of his head. Which in turn would probably wake up the Fartpant's brat, and she just finally nodded off. He nestled back into the teddy bear trying his best to get comfortable.

Thoughts of Lizzy began to creep into his mind. She would be here tomorrow, and it would just be him and her...and Natalie...dammit. He couldn't be mad at his newest charge, as all this wasn't her fault. But it would be nice if maybe he could possibly just sit with Lizzy for a bit. She didn't need to be able to see him, as just being close to her would be sufficient.

'But what about when that won't be enough?' he thought to himself. His eyes popped open in shock...where did that come from? He had a yearning to be close to his Snotface, but a carnal desire to want something more...the idea scared him. Intimacy was not on the forefront of an IF's to-do list.

Snogging was one thing, but this need to want to be beside her was completely alien to him. He had been in Lizzy's apartment when Charles had come back, so he kind of had an idea about what this feeling was and how he was supposed to act upon it. 'Totally different than what the pigeons do...someone ought to show THEM how its done,' Fred thought. 'But what if she doesn't like it? What if the way Bastard Charles was doing it was wrong? Bloody hell...' he thought, "How DO people actually...do it?"

Fred sighed and closed his eyes, only to snap them back open again as he came up with a brilliant idea. 'I'll just mosey around Fartpant's neighborhood! I'm sure there are plenty of people having it off in their houses! People have windows and whatnot...I'm such a genius!' He smiled smugly to himself, knowing that he had the answer all along rattling around in his brain. He'd start tomorrow night after Lizzy left, as he didn't want to miss the opportunity to spend as much time with her as he possibly could. For now, he would just close his eyes and dream about his Snotface.

* * *

Lizzy had changed clothes three times since she had woke up. She had first chose a new jumper to wear, but since she knew that the chances of her getting out of Mickey's house completely unscathed was practically impossible she had decided against it. She purchased the outfit last week, and she really didn't want it to get ruined immediately.

Her second choice was a simple skirt with a semi-decent blouse. Lizzy wasn't particularly worried about getting these clothes dirty, and this ensemble came close to being her final choice. However, the thought of Fred looking up her skirt and telling Natalie he'd found cobwebs popped into her mind at the very last second.

'Um...no...' her conscious deadpanned as the thought of Fred getting an eye-full of her private goods. She toyed with the idea of possibly throwing away ALL of her dresses just to prevent him from embarrassing her, but cooler heads prevailed. In the end, she just settled for a pair of blue jean cutoffs and a simple t-shirt...and made the decision to never wear a dress over to Mickey's...ever...

* * *

"Now Natalie, remembered what we talked about," Mickey began. "You've got to behave today. Lizzy is our last resort. Do you promise that you'll be on your best behavior?"

"I promise Daddy," Natalie said around a mouth of Cheerios. She looked towards the living room and shouted, "Fred, we're gonna be good right?"

"Suuuuure we will!" Fred replied from across the room. He was busy looking out the window waiting for Lizzy to show up but trying not to be obvious that he was doing so. Luckily, Mickey had made Natalie eat her breakfast in the kitchen so this made things easier.

Mickey sighed. "Natalie, please stop with this whole Fred business. I understand you don't have a lot of friends around here..."

"I don't have any friends Daddy. Molly moved away, remember?"

"Yes sweetie, I remember. Maybe another family will move into Molly's old house and have someone your age to play with. But until then, I really don't think it's healthy for you to be playing with an imaginary friend."

"But he's real Daddy!"

"No he isn't. Now stop this. I've already had to deal with this 'Drop Dead Fred' once before, and I really don't want to have to live through this again."

"You know Drop Dead Fred, Daddy? That's great!"

"No I don't know him, and no it's not great. He was a bad influence on Lizzy when she was a little girl, and I won't have you acting out like she used to do when she was a little girl."

"Lizzy? The lady from yesterday? My new babysitter?"

"Yes her, and speaking of Lizzy she's just pulled up in the driveway. Put your bowl in the sink and make yourself presentable." Mickey said as he made his way to the front door.

Natalie walked over to the sink just as Fred popped up next to her. "Well, the snotface is here..."

"Hey Fred, do you know Lizzy?"

"Do what?" Fred had a look of surprise on his face. "What are you blabbing on about?"

"Daddy says you know Lizzy." Natalie repeated. "Do you?"

Fred stared blankly at Natalie for a moment. Damn that Fartpants! Why did he have to go open his hole about her? Now what was he going to do? He couldn't lie to Natalie, but this situation was fixing to get out of hand...

"She's a snotface. That's all you need to know."

"But you know her! That's not fair! You're supposed to be my friend!" Natalie pouted.

"I am your friend! Why would I be HER friend? She's a ugly, icky adult! Not mention she's a snotface, and I'm going to make her eat the biggest mud pie EVER!"

Natalie looked at him like she didn't believe him, but then cracked a small smile. "Promise?" She asked, holding her pinky finger out.

"Promise!' Fred said hooking his pinky finger with hers.

* * *

"So basically that's all the rules I have for her. Here's the number of the contractor I work for. If you need anything just call that number and he'll get a hold of me," Mickey said. "Any questions?"

"Nope, I think I've got everything I need," Lizzy replied. "I'll see you later then. Have a good day at work!"

"Ha, I'll try." Mickey said with a small smile. He hopped in his truck as Lizzy turned around and made her way into the house. Natalie was at the door to meet her.

"Hi," the little girl said timidly.

"Hi Natalie," Lizzy said softly. "Can I come in?"

"Yes..." Natalie held the door open for Lizzy to come inside.

"Thank you," Lizzy said as she looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary...yet...

"You smell nice."

"Awww thank you sweetie. It's lavender lotion. Do you want some?"

"Say no Fart Face! It smells like poo! You don't want to smell like poo do you?" Fred said appearing in the hallway with Lizzy and Natalie.

Natalie chose to ignore Fred and held out her hand for some lotion. Lizzy pulled the bottle out of her purse and squirted a small amount into the little girl's palm.

"EWWWWW now you have poo cooties!" Fred exclaimed as he slapped Natalie's hand forward. The lotion flew out of Natalie's hand and hit Lizzy directly in the face. Natalie looked up and let out a small giggle.

Lizzy wiped the lotion off of her face and let out a giggle herself. "Oops!"

"Oops? What do you MEAN oops? You're supposed to get mad!" Fred yelled in Lizzy's face.

"You're not mad?" Natalie asked Lizzy.

"Why would I be mad? It's just a little lotion. No biggie." Lizzy replied. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"Can we make mud pies?"

"Of course!" Lizzy looked around, like she was expecting to see someone. "Is your friend Fred going to be joining us?"

"Why would I want to play with a couple of GIRLS?" Fred exclaimed. "This is going to ruin all our fun if SHE plays with us!"

"But she wants to play WITH us Fred!" Natalie said to what Lizzy could see as nothing but thin air. "She's not like the Witch!"

"But she's ICKY!" Fred yelled back.

"PLEASE FRED!" Natalie begged.

"Hey wait," Lizzy stopped the little girl from arguing with...nothing... "If Fred doesn't want me to join in, then that's alright. I understand."

"See? She doesn't want to play with us anyways! Come on Fart Face!" Fred said as he dragged Natalie out towards the back yard.

Lizzy watched as the little girl seemed to stumble forward out of the hallway and out into the back yard.

'Wow...now I know what I looked like...' Lizzy thought to herself. If she hadn't know the truth about Fred, well, she'd be inclined to think the little girl needed some serious therapy.

* * *

Fred escorted Natalie to the large mud hole he had created early that morning. "Right! Now, let's get to work! We need a nice large base so the mud pie won't collapse in on itself." Fred said as he started in on making a large pile of mud.

"OK Fred!" Natalie said as jumped in and began to work on one side of large muddy mess. Fred eyed her critically as she worked her little hands diligently over the mound of nastiness. She didn't seem too upset that he had pulled her away from Lizzy, but he had a good reason to do so. He had to have a small talk with Natalie before they could all play together.

It had killed him to say the bad things he said about Lizzy. If anything, he felt the exact opposite of everything he had said to Natalie. But this was a delicate situation, and he knew Calypso could peak in at anytime and see what he was up to. He didn't want to upset the powers that be, so he had to play it safe.

"So Fart Face," Fred began, "You uh...asked me if I knew Snotface. So uh...I wanted to...uh...I just wanted to...erm"

"You just what?" Natalie asked as she looked around the large mound mud that was beginning to form between them.

Fred sighed. "Listen, I know her. I was her imaginary friend before you."

"I know. Daddy told me."

"Bastard," Fred muttered underneath his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing. Now listen, I don't you two to be all girly and whatnot around me. If you are, I'm gonna be sick all over you AND her."

"Girly?"

"Yeah girly. You know...tea parties...unicorns...glitter..." Fred said as he began to gag, as if saying the word 'glitter' was going to make him violently ill.

Natalie frowned. "But what are we supposed to do if we can't do girly stuff?"

"There's all SORTS of things! We can use our imagination and be anything we want!" Fred said excitedly. "But when we play, just remember that Lizzy can't see me or hear me...so you'll have to help her..."

"Help her do what?"

"Help her understand what we are doing," Fred explained.

"You mean like telling her what you are saying and stuff?"

"Exactly," Fred said as he grinned at Natalie, "And one more thing...you might not want to tell Fartpa-...erm...your dad that we are all playing together."

Natalie looked confused, "You want me to lie to Daddy?"

"No no, I don't want you to lie. Just not...you know...tell him. I mean, just don't go blabbing to your dad about everything we do."

Natalie looked a little uncomfortable with what Fred was saying. "I don't know Fred..."

"Oi, if he asks you what you did all day, then fine, tell him. I'm just saying don't go offering up information," Fred explained.

"So, it's not like I'm keeping a secret from Daddy...right?"

"Right, and besides...Lizzy might get in trouble for you know...believing in me..."

"How would she get in trouble?" Natalie asked, still somewhat confused with what Fred was saying.

"Well, you know...with your dad. He might not let her babysit anymore and then we would be stuck with another witch!"

The light bulb seemed to go off in Natalie's head as her eyes went wide with understanding. Every time she brought up Fred's name in front of her dad he seem to get upset.

She gave Fred a nod. "I understand. I won't say anything to Daddy unless he asks."

"Promise?" Fred held out his pinky finger.

"Promise!" Natalie said as she intertwined her much smaller pinky finger with his to seal the deal.


	4. Chapter 4

Lizzy wandered around the house to make herself familiar with her surroundings. She found Natalie's room, a messy disaster that she assumed was Mickey's room, and also a smaller room which seemed to be used for storage. She looked around for closets and crawl spaces, just in case if things got out of hand she might have an idea on where there could be potential hiding places.

While she was poking around upstairs, she happened to notice the group of pictures on the wall between Mickey's and Natalie's room. She saw quite a few pictures with Natalie at various ages, some of which also featured Mickey's smiling face. There was one that had Natalie, Mickey, and who she guessed was Mickey's ex-wife. The mystery woman has long flowing blonde hair and a dazzling smile. She seemed to have an air of elegance, kind of like Charles's Annabella. The family picture looked perfect as a whole, and Lizzy began to wonder why Mickey had gotten divorced in the first place.

She pondered the thought as she made her way downstairs to check on Natalie. When she reached the back door she was surprised to see the little girl running up the back porch steps to meet her.

"Lizzy, do you want to help us? Fred said you can come play with us now!" Natalie said excitedly.

"Sure! How big is the mud pie so far?" Lizzy asked through the screen door.

"It's huge! Come see!" Natalie said as she raced back into the yard.

Lizzy made her way outside and walked up to the makeshift mud hole. The large pile of grossness was quite impressive. It was obvious Fred had spent some time on making sure there was enough mud available to make such a monstrosity.

"Quick Fart Face, have her put that last little bit up on top there," Fred pointed to a small ball of mud he had made while Natalie had went to fetch Lizzy.

"OK. Lizzy, Fred says to put that last bit of mud up there on the top." Natalie repeated for Fred.

Lizzy reached down to scoop up the mud and held it over the huge mud pie. "Right here?"

"No...over to the left!" Fred said.

"Fred says over to the left." Natalie said.

Lizzy moved over to the left a bit. "Right here?"

"No no no! Her other left!" Fred said as he moved around to the other side of mud pile to stand next to Lizzy and Natalie.

"He says your other left."

Lizzy frowned and moved back over to the right. "Here?"

Fred moved to stand behind Elizabeth. "Hmmm. I don't know. Get over here Fart Face and tell me if this looks right."

Natalie moved to stand front of Fred, "I can't see Fred. Where's she supposed to put the last bit?"

"Right there!" Fred yelled as he pushed Natalie forward...who in turn pushed Lizzy forward...

Right into the center of the mud pie. Face first.

Lizzy pulled her face out of the mud and spit out the mouthful of grit she acquired upon falling. "I should have seen that coming..."

"BRILLIANT FART FACE!" Fred yelled as he pranced around the yard while laughing hysterically. Natalie was sitting on the ground holding her sides and laughing so hard that she had tears streaming down her face.

Lizzy pushed herself up and looked at the damage. The entire front of her shirt and shorts were caked in mud. She looked around and realized she had fallen so hard that mud had splattered all over the white shed that was about ten feet away. Other than that, there didn't seem to be much else hurt...other than her pride.

But she would be dammed if Fred was going to make her look like a helpless victim. A spark of inspiration hit her, and she calmly walked over to the shed.

"Oi! What are you up to Snotface?" Fred asked as he watched her walk off. Natalie stopped laughing to also watch Lizzy. "Where are you going Lizzy?"

"Just over here," Lizzy replied as she started to scrape the mud off of the front of her shirt and lather it on the side of the shed. She gathered more mud off the front of her shorts to make her palette bigger. She then wiped her hands on the back of her shorts and began to write something in the mud with her finger.

Fred watched her intently. He found the action of her wiping her muddy hands off on her bottom stirred something in him. The pit of his stomach felt like it was curling up and tightening...and oddly enough it was sending another tightening sensation down to his groin. He felt a slight heat begin to build up in his cheeks, and he shuffled his feet in order to try and make the tightening sensation leave. Luckily, Natalie was too interested in what Lizzy was doing to notice.

Lizzy stepped back from her artwork and gave it an appraising eye. "Yeah...perfect!" She turned around and stepped off to the side, giving Natalie a mischievous grin.

Natalie sounded out the words written in the mud : "Drop...Dead...Fred...Sucks..."

"WHAT?!" Fred yelled. He stomped over to the side of the barn and read what Lizzy wrote in disbelief. "I do NOT suck!" He screamed at Lizzy.

Natalie collapsed on the ground in a fit of hysterical laughter.

* * *

"Hey Cal," Roddy said looking up from the pile of files he had laid out in front of him, "Don't you think we ought to check on Fred?"

Calypso put down the file he was reading and nodded his head in agreement. "Aye, we ought to see what he's up to, especially since I sent him in there half-cocked. Lift up the shade and let's see what's going on."

"Righto," Roddy said as he got up and walked over to what appeared to be a normal-looking window on one side of the room. He lifted up the shade and on the other side appeared to be what looked like a regular window one would find in a house. Except this window did not look out onto the city of Limbo. Instead, it showed a scene one would be viewing if they were to look outside of their home in the real world.

Calypso took in the situation with quite a bit of amusement. Fred was busy flailing about in the yard having some sort of fit while Lizzy and Natalie were laughing. Calypso could clearly see what Lizzy had written in the mud on the side of the shed.

"Ehrm..." Roddy wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation.

"Ho Ho! Fred's got himself a live one, eh?" Calypso said with a laugh. "Well everything seems to be normal. Go on ahead and close the shade Roddy."

"Uh, right..." Roddy said shaking his head as he pulled the shade closed.

* * *

Fred was not amused. He half-expected Lizzy to get along with whatever pranks he decided to pull, but she wasn't supposed to one-up him! He stomped around the yard pouting and yelling about how Lizzy was an 'utter snotface'.

Natalie was still laughing. She couldn't believe that an adult would do something like what Lizzy did, which made the whole situation even funnier.

"Hey! You're not supposed to laugh at that! I"m supposed to be the funny one!" Fred hollered at Natalie. He stomped up next to her, dug in his nose, pulled out bogey and smeared it into Natalie's shirt.

"EWWW!" Natalie screamed as she tried to wipe the bogey off. Lizzy watched the little girl claw at her shirt and knew exactly what Fred had done.

"Come on Fred, you're going to have to do better than smearing bogeys on people!" Lizzy shouted. She was happy to be on par with Fred's tricks, maybe that could somewhat of a deterrent to him continuously pranking her.

She figured she needed to get the mud off the side of the shed, so she walked off in search of the water hose. When she reached the back of the house, she found the water outlet but no water hose.

"Hey Natalie, where's the water hose?" Lizzy shouted.

"What water hose?"

"The water hose that goes with this water spigot?"

"It doesn't work."

"What doesn't work? The water hose or the spigot?"

"The spigot. The knob won't turn. Never has."

A look of confusion creeped across Lizzy's face. How in the hell did Fred get the water in the backyard to make the mud hole?

A scream coming from the neighbor's backyard made Lizzy jump...then groan. She walked over to the fence and peered over slowly, afraid of what she might find.

There was an elderly woman standing on the back porch with a look of shock on her face. The water sprinkler system she had in the backyard to water her rose garden had somehow ruptured and had flooded almost everything. The roses were drenched, and the decorative garden gnomes all looked like they could use some scuba gear from the amount of water that was above their heads.

Lizzy quietly backed away from the fence. 'OK, no one knows it was us...and hopefully no one will ever find out it WAS us...' she thought as she almost tripped over Natalie.

"Natalie! What were you doing behind me?"

"Nothing. But Fred's gonna fix the spigot for us." Natalie replied.

"What?" Lizzy asked as she turned around to to look at the seemingly harmless spigot. "Oh no, what's he doing?"

"Pulling the knob off." Natalie calmly replied. Lizzy watched in horror as the knob magically popped off and a violent jet of water began to jet fabulously high into the air.

"Oh shit..."

* * *

Fred didn't mean for that to happen...well OK he did...but it was fun trying to contain the water fountain he had inadvertently made. He idly thought that he should have pulled the knob off this morning. That was a lot easier than digging up the old woman's backyard to find the water sprinkler system. He watched as Lizzy and Natalie tried to contain the watery blast. Lizzy first tried to shove the knob back on the spigot, but only got drenched in the process. Natalie found a bucket to try to put on top of the powerful stream, but it was too light and it actually wound up on the roof instead of covering the spigot and pipe.

Lizzy stood back taking in the entire situation and just smiled. This was classic Drop Dead Fred destruction at it's finest. She started to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Fred had dashed off after seeing Lizzy's and Natalie's failed attempts and was busy trying to find a hammer in the shed. He thought that maybe if he bent the pipe it would stop the flow. Once he found a hammer, he dashed back towards the makeshift water fountain. He almost fell over in shock from the sight of Lizzy and Natalie laughing. He figured Lizzy would be pissed, worried, and complaining about the entire situation.

That's when it hit him. Her laughing at all the chaos, the way her wet shirt clung to her body (with the added bonus of it being a WHITE shirt), the way her chest heaved and vibrated with every laugh, and the way her eyes crinkled up in the corners when she smiled.

If he wasn't in love with Elizabeth Cronin before, he was completely and desperately in love with her now. She was the most beautiful creature on the planet, and he wanted to hold and cherish her for as long as she would allow him to.

Natalie noticed Fred openly staring at Lizzy and the odd expression he wore. "Fred? What's wrong?"

"Huh?" was the only reply Natalie got.

The little girl frowned and then yelled at him "FREEEED! WAKE UP FRED!"

Fred seemed to hear Natalie's screams as he shook his head to break his mesmerized stare. "Oh...Right! Sorry!" he yelled as he ran forward to start trying to bend the spurting pipe.

Lizzy stopped laughing when she heard Natalie yell Fred's name, "What's he doing Natalie?" she shouted.

"He's trying to bend the pipe!" Natalie yelled back.

"With what?"

"A hammer!"

"WHAT?!"

"She said a hammer! Damn woman are you deaf?" Fred yelled from behind the water blast.

"Where'd he get a hammer from?" Lizzy said as she ran to where Natalie was.

"Uh...hey Fred where did you-"

"I heard her! Tell her in the shed!" Fred yelled as he swung wildly at the pipe and trying not to get drenched in the process.

"Fred says in the shed."

Lizzy ran over to the shed and threw open the door. She took a quick inventory of what was available to her, and when she eyed the crescent wrench she grabbed it and ran out to the front yard.

"Come on...come on...it has to be here somewhere..." Lizzy said to herself as she was looking for the water main. She found the access panel in the ground out by the edge of the driveway. She pried the top off, hooked the wrench into the valve and began to force the water main closed. Once she could turn the wrench no more, Natalie appeared and told her the water had stopped spraying.

"Whew, about time." Lizzy told her. "Where's Fred?"

"I dunno, I think he's sick though," Natalie said.

"What? Why would you say that?" Lizzy asked.

"Because, he had a funny look on his face. He was staring at you, kinda like he saw a ghost or something."

"A ghost? But he shouldn't be afraid of me. If anything, I should be the one who is terrified of him..."

Natalie shrugged, "He might have just been staring at your boobs...because you can see your bra."

Lizzy hands flew to her chest as she looked down. Yep, Natalie was spot on with her observation. She tried to pull the shirt away from her body as she began to walk to the back yard. "Come on Natalie. Let's try to get the backyard cleaned up and then get ourselves into a fresh set of clothes."

* * *

Cleaning the back yard was easier said than done. Lizzy had managed to get the bucket down from the roof so she could use it to wash off the 'Drop Dead Fred Sucks' sign off of the shed. The backyard, however, was totally flooded, and it didn't help that the neighbor's disaster in her backyard was also contributing to the entire waterlogged mess.

Fortunately, the neighbor had called a plumber and he was already in her backyard fixing the water sprinkler system. Lizzy managed to stick her head over the fence and politely asked him if he would see to the water spigot after he was done over there.

"You have a leak too?" the man gruffly asked.

"Um yeah, the knob just...came off..." Lizzy explained.

"Huh...might have been some weird water pressure built up in the lines somewhere. Seems likely since your neighbor's piping had a break in the line and your water spigot has blown up. Just not anywhere for all that pressure to go I suppose."

"Yeah, I suppose..." Lizzy trailed off.

* * *

Once Lizzy was able to pay the plumber and turn the water main back on, she ran Natalie a bath. "Natalie! Come on in here and get cleaned up!"

"Ok Lizzy!" Natalie shouted from her room. "Hey Fred, are you OK?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Fred said as he perched on her bed. He was busy playing with her Slinky and trying hard to unravel it and straighten it out.

"You had a weird look on your face earlier, and you were staring at Lizzy."

"No I didn't!" Fred vehemently denied.

"Yes you did!" Natalie countered back.

"No I didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did did did!"

"Didn't didn't didn't!"

"Natalie! Quick arguing with Fred and get in here!" Lizzy shouted from the bathroom. It was weird only hearing one side of the argument, but Lizzy knew she needed break them up since she also knew Fred wouldn't stop until he won.

Natalie scowled, "I told Lizzy you were looking at her BOOBS!" Fred looked at the little girl in bewilderment.

"So THERE! HA!" Natalie said as she smirked. She then stuck out her tongue before she walked out her bedroom and down to where Lizzy was waiting.

* * *

Fred groaned. He couldn't believe that Natalie had said that to Lizzy! Well actually yes he could...he had heard worse from his Snotface back when she was Natalie's age. He stuck his head out of Natalie's bedroom and saw Lizzy come out of the bathroom. She walked down the hall, past Fred, and went into Mickey's room to see if she could find something that fit her. She left the door open so she could keep an eye, or ear in this case, on Natalie.

Fred couldn't stop himself from following her. He stood in the doorway and watched her as she peeled off her shirt and unclasped her bra. Her back was turned, so Fred couldn't see her chest, but the angles and shadows of her back had him completely mesmerized. He leaned against the door frame and clutched the molding to hold himself upright.

Lizzy rummaged around in the dresser and found an old jersey and a pair of sweatpants. She threw the jersey over her head and yanked it down. She then went to remove her shorts and her underwear. Fred almost couldn't keep his eyes in his head when she bent over to put her feet in the sweatpants. He caught a glimpse of her smooth, round, and what he thought was the most perfect bottom he had ever seen. He gasped and pushed his face into the door frame. She was beautiful...utterly beautiful, even dressed in Fartpant's clothes. The idea of being intimate with Elizabeth was becoming more and more desirable, it was now no longer something he could suppress.

Lizzy was bent over gathering up her clothes when she felt like there was 'something' watching her. She straightened up, turned around and saw nothing. "Fred? Is that you?" she said softly.

"I'm here Elizabeth," Fred whispered. He screwed his eyes up in pain as the realization hit him that she could not hear whatever he had to say. This was almost unbearable.

Lizzy frowned, she should have known she wouldn't be able to see or hear him. The disappointment showed in her face, and Fred recognized it immediately.

"Lizzy no, please...I'm sorry I'm making you sad." Fred said as he moved to stand in front of her. She was literally looking through him and it was crushing his soul. "Please don't cry..." he whispered gently as he reached out to barely touch a stand of hair which had fallen in front of her face.

Lizzy felt tears spring up behind her eyelids, but she refused to let them fall. She couldn't turn into a mess right now, especially since she had to babysit Natalie. She blinked back the tears and looked around the room. She still had the feeling of 'something' being in the room with her. "Fred, if you're there...I miss you...I miss you so much." She wrapped her arms around her body while clutching her wet clothes. She didn't care that the jersey would get damp, she just wanted a hug from her best friend right now.

"I'm right here Elizabeth. I"m going to fix this. I have to be with Natalie right now, but I was given this chance..." Fred said trying to rationalize everything. He sighed as he stepped away from her and moved to sit on Mickey's bed. "I've got to figure this out, but I'm here and I refuse to go anywhere."

Lizzy shook her head and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She looked around the room one more time and then walked out to go find the washing machine. Fred watched her leave, and he felt his heart break. He stood up and went down the hallway to check on Natalie.

"Hey Fart Face!" Fred shouted to Natalie from the other side of the bathroom door, "When you get out of the bath, you and I need to have a little chat!"


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Still don't own a damn thing...other than Cal and Roddy...

Rick with the silent P - Thanks for the awesome review! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

* * *

"I'm sorry I told Lizzy about you staring at her boobs," Natalie said in a small voice.

"Never mind that," Fred replied, "I need your help again."

Natalie smiled. "Ok Fred! What do you need help with?"

Fred sighed...here went nothing, "I've got a huge secret to tell you. But you can't tell Lizzy or your dad."

Natalie frowned. "I thought I wasn't going to keep secrets from Daddy?"

"You're not, but this secret is about me. And you're the only one who's going to know this secret."

Natalie's eyes went wide. "Oooo it's a big secret then?"

"Yup. It is."

"OK tell me!"

"Wait, you have to promise," Fred said as he held out his pinky finger.

Natalie took her pinky and latched it on to Fred's, "Promise!"

* * *

Lizzy pulled the laundry out of the dryer. Things had thankfully been quiet since Natalie had gotten out of the bathtub. They had a nice lunch consisting of grilled cheese sandwiches, and then Lizzy and Natalie took to coloring in Natalie's coloring books. Fred sat on the couch beside Natalie and was quietly drawing something on a piece of paper Natalie had pulled out of her coloring book. Apparently he only wanted the green crayon, as whenever Natalie or Lizzy needed it he refused to give it up.

Lizzy looked at the couch where Fred was supposedly sitting according to Natalie. She had first watched Natalie put the piece of paper and the crayon on the couch cushion, and she half expected the crayon to start moving on its own. After she had watched for a few seconds longer, just to make sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her, she went back to coloring.

She had colored half of her picture when she looked back to the couch cushion and didn't see the paper and the crayon anymore. She shook her head and went back to finishing her picture. Having Fred around without being able to see him was just really weird.

After they were done coloring, Lizzy checked the time. She knew Natalie was supposed to take a nap at 1 pm, but she simply told Natalie she could just go up to her room and play quietly if she didn't feel tired. Natalie was surprised at the fact that she actually was given a choice instead of an order. She smiled and told Lizzy that she would behave and ran up the stairs.

'Well things could have been a lot worse', she thought to herself as she folded the last of the clothes from the dryer. Lizzy went into the bathroom and changed back into her clothes before putting everything else away. Thankfully all the mud and nastiness didn't stain. She went upstairs to put Mickey's clothes back where she found them when she overheard Natalie talking to Fred.

* * *

"Fred! That's girly! You said you didn't like girly things!"

"It's not girly!"

"Is too! 'Love is for girls' you said!"

"This is different."

"Different how?"

Fred sighed. "It just is. It's not disgusting like the pigeons do it."

"Pigeons?"

"Never mind, now listen. You can't tell Lizzy that I love her. And you can't tell your dad either." Fred said sternly.

"Why can't I tell Daddy?"

"Because he's the competi-...er...listen you just can't OK? Remember, you promised."

Natalie looked confused. "So why do you need my help again?"

Fred pulled out the piece of paper Natalie had given him earlier. There was a message written in green crayon with a rough picture of a stick figure that Natalie could only think was a self-portrait of Fred.

"Did you write that?"

"Of course I did! I CAN write you know." Fred said in an uppity voice as if Natalie was insulting him. She gave a small giggle in response. "Now, enough blabbering, I want you to give it to her."

"When?"

"Before she goes home. Just make sure Fart-... I mean your dad doesn't see you."

* * *

Lizzy silently moved away from the door. Her mind was spinning. Why did Natalie think that Fred was being girly? Any time she had ever said anything girly Fred would gag, claim it was disgusting, and then pretend to vomit all over the furniture.

She shook her head trying to clear the thoughts of Fred, his weird conversations with Natalie, and the loneliness she was feeling. She made her way to Mickey's room and put away the clothes she had borrowed. She silently made her way back down the hallway and back downstairs. She checked the time and realized Mickey would be home soon. She sighed and began to start straightening up the house so it would least be presentable.

* * *

When Natalie heard her dad pull up in the driveway, she jumped up and ran to her bedroom door. "Wait!" Fred yelled as he pointed at the letter Natalie had left on the floor, "Remember Fart Face, don't give her the note in front of your dad."

"OK Fred." Natalie said as she picked up the note and went downstairs.

Lizzy was already at the door waiting to let Mickey in the house. Natalie raced up to her, "Lizzy! This is for you." she said as she shoved the note in her hand as Mickey was walking up the drive. "It's from Fred."

"Um OK..." Lizzy said as she started to open it.

"No! Don't read it here!" Natalie exclaimed.

"OK OK! Can I read it at home?"

"Yep, that's where he wants you to read it." Natalie lifted her finger to her lips as Mickey made his way to the door. Lizzy got the hint and then turned to open the door for Mickey.

"Hi there! How did today go?" Mickey asked as he walked in the door.

Lizzy and Natalie looked at one another and grinned. "Great!" they both said in unison.

"Wow really? Well ok. Hey Lizzy, would you like to stay for dinner? I can order pizza." Mickey asked as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Um, actually I have to get going."

"Well, since everything went really well today, do you think you would be willing to watch Natalie the rest of the week? It would really help me out." Mickey said as he flashed Lizzy the sweetest smile he could.

"I guess that would be OK." Lizzy said. She looked down at Natalie, "What do you think?"

"Yeah!" Natalie shouted excitedly.

"Well, OK then!" Lizzy said with a smile.

* * *

Lizzy raced home as fast as she could without breaking too many traffic laws. Once she reached the front door of her apartment, she rushed in and dropped her things on the floor so she could get to the note in her pocket. She nervously unfolded the letter, and was shocked when she saw the note's contents.

It was blank.

Lizzy flipped the paper over to see if she missed anything. Both sides had nothing on them.

"What the hell?!" she yelled out. Was this some sort of joke? Because she was seriously NOT amused.

"Damn you Fred!" she said as she threw the paper to the floor. "Screw this, I need some wine."

* * *

Half a bottle of wine later, Lizzy went and picked her things up from over by the front door. She looked down at the blank piece of paper and scowled at it. 'I can't believe I got all excited over nothing...literally nothing!' she thought.

She took the paper to the kitchen and set it on the counter next to the half empty wine bottle. She leaned back against the counter and sighed. 'Why would he even write me a note to begin with? If he's imaginary, he's not supposed to exist to write a note,' she thought. 'I totally don't understand...'

She grabbed the wine bottle and refilled her glass quickly, almost too quickly as some of the wine splashed out and onto the counter. She grabbed a paper towel and began to blot at the mess she had made. A few drops had splashed onto Fred's 'note', which she tried to clean up. Unfortunately the wine had soaked through to the other side.

Lizzy sighed as she picked the paper up to examine it again. That's when she saw that the wine had shown an outline of an indention in the paper's integrity.

'Wait, indention?' she thought as she quickly held it up to the light to see if she could see any difference. She could make out a few more spots where it looked like something had been scratched into the paper, but it wasn't enough to be readable.

Fred HAD written something she realized. She just couldn't see the writing because she wasn't supposed to see or hear him because he was imaginary. 'Dammit...what can I do...' she thought. The curiosity was killing her, she needed to know what he had written, regardless if it turned out to be utter nonsense or not.

* * *

Later that evening, Fred paced nervously across the floor in Natalie's bedroom. He was worried about what Lizzy would think of his letter. Was it too forward? Maybe he didn't add enough detail perhaps? Was everything spelled correctly? Not that he cared..but often misspelled words can lead to misunderstandings.

"What's wrong Fred?" Natalie asked from her bed.

"Nothing, you need to go to sleep." Fred replied.

"Are you thinking of Lizzy?"

Fred rolled his eyes. "Not everything is about Lizzy you know..."

"Then what are you thinking about?"

"Never you mind. You need to be busy thinking about sleep anyways."

"But I'm not tired."

"Then get tired."

"You can't make me!"

"No, but I can make enough noise to get you into trouble!"

"If you do, I'll tell Daddy that you love Lizzy!"

Fred gasped, "You wouldn't!" Perhaps it hadn't been the wisest decision to tell the little girl his number one secret. Even more so if she planned to hold it over his head.

The little girl smiled. "No I wouldn't do that..." she said as Fred breathed a sigh of relief, "Buuuut, I'll do this: Fred and Lizzy, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Oi! Stop that! You're gonna make me sick all over the carpet!" Fred said has he gagged and pretended to vomit all over the room.

Natalie laughed hysterically. Making Fred irritated was fun, but making him sick was even more fun.

"Alright, enough of this nonsense. Off to sleep with you." Fred said as he calmed down and went to sit on the floor beside Natalie's bed.

"Are you gonna sleep on the ceiling?"

"No, I'm going to sit here until you go to sleep. Then I'm going to leave to go peep into people's windows so I can watch them having it off."

"Do what? What's that mean?"

"Never you mind. NOW GO TO SLEEP!"

Natalie closed her eyes as Fred gazed out the window. 'I really need to pay attention to what I say...especially if it's gonna get repeated by Fartpant's brat,' he thought to himself.

Fred became immediately confused. Where had that thought come from? Thinking about what he says BEFORE he says it? 'What's coming over me?' he thought, 'This was never important before...GAH what is WRONG with me?'

* * *

Calypso gazed out of his other-worldly window, extremely interested in watching Fred have his mini-epiphany. "Hey Roddy," he yelled over his shoulder, "Can you get me the stack of files that have the information on the IFs that have been banished?"

"Sure, are you fixing to cast another one off?"

"Not exactly, I just want some specific information on what happens after they become human."

"Righto, I'll be back in a jiff."

Calypso steered his attention back to the window. 'You're starting to think like an adult, Fred,' he thought. 'Now, if we can only get you to act semi-behaved we might be able to pull this off,' Calypso tapped his chin with his forefinger in thought, 'I doubt it will be that hard, he just needs to find his inner-adult.'

"Oi, here they are." Roddy said straining under the weight of having to carrying in ten boxes precariously balanced on top of one another.

"Splendid," Calypso said as he moved from the window and flipped the lid off of the top box. He pulled out the first file, "Baron von Squibblepop, specialized in balloon animals, small child choked to death on deflated ballon, hmmm such a shame. I remember him. Purple hair, smashing fellow."

"Aye, he was. Crushed him that the child died," Roddy said shaking his head.

"Yes, however rules are rules, so he had to be banished unfortunately. Now, where did he end up..." Calypso murmured as he flipped through the file, "Aha! Charleston Sanitarium. Police found the man dressed in moldy underwear and a cape. No ID, took him to the police department where he was then escorted to the mental hospital," Calypso read out loud.

"Oi, what's ID, Cal?" Roddy asked from behind the stack of boxes.

"That's a good question..." Calypso replied. His forehead wrinkled as he thought hard. Something was missing... "Roddy, go through these files and find out what caused the banished IFs not to survive normally in the real world."

"What? Go through all of them?"

"Yes, ALL of them. I'll be back later." Calypso said as the dropped the file on his desk and made his way towards the door.

"But where are you going?" Roddy asked as he chased after his boss.

Calypso stopped and turned around to address his loyal servant, "Listen, you said you didn't want to see Fred get into any trouble right? Well, I need to do some research."

"Research on what?"

"Humans."

"But why?"

"Because I'd rather not have Fred wind up like the others."

Roddy took a hard look at Calypso and nodded. "Alright, I'll keep an eye on things and go through those files while your gone."

Calypso smiled as he spun on heel and made his way out of Limbo.

* * *

After Natalie finally went to sleep, Fred popped outside on the sidewalk. "Now let's see...who to spy on first..." he said as he looked down the street. "Meh, I'll just walk along and see what I find."

He walked down the sidewalk until he reached a small green house on his left. "Well green's my color alright! I bet this lot knows how to have it off with one another!" He popped himself by the window and peered inside.

A man and a woman were in bed, but were certainly not having sex. Both parties seemed to be dead to the world as they snored loud enough to where Fred could clearly hear them outside the window.

"Bah, party poopers!" Fred exclaimed as he moved away from the window and down the street. He walked up to the next house, which had a light on in the upstairs bedroom.

"Ah, perfect!" He popped up on the balcony outside and looked in. There was a man and a woman in there all right, but something seemed off.

"Oi, what's he doing tied to the bed with that leathery mask on?" Fred asked out loud. He saw a man kneeling on the floor with his hands tied around the bedpost. He was wearing a leather mask with a zipper running down the front of it, and the only other thing he was wearing was his underwear. The woman had on considerably more clothing as she was wearing a black pair of bra and panties. She was twirling something in her hand that looked kind of like...

"Hey! What's she gonna use that whip for?" Fred continued to talk to himself. All of a sudden the woman brought the end of the whip down hard on the man's back. The man let out a groan of...pleasure?

"What in the hell is this? Oi you! Get up and hit her back, the bitch!" Fred yelled at the window. The woman gave another swing of the whip, and the man let out another groan laced with a pleasured moan.

"What the hell? Do you like that?" Fred asked out loud as he heard the man inside ask for more. Fred was completely confused. This wasn't how Snotface and Bastard Charles were doing it. He sat down in front of the window and tried to work out what was going on in that bedroom.

The woman positioned the whip over the masked man's bottom and swung down hard. The smacking noise made Fred jump and wince. "What's so great about getting spanked by a crazy woman?" he said. All of a sudden it wasn't some strange woman swinging the whip, but instead it was Lizzy...and it was him that was tied to the bed. Lizzy in black panties...strong and commanding...

SMACK!

The sound from the bedroom sent shivers down Fred's spine. He stared wide-eyed through the window as his mind played out the fantasy in his head. Lizzy standing over him, stroking his hair before she would bring down another painful strike.

SMACK!

Fred felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck as he could see his Elizabeth lean down to kiss him roughly while running her hands all over his red back and buttocks. His pants began to feel uncomfortable and he shifted to relieve the pressure and get a better view.

When the woman left the room Fred's fantasy world melted away as he stared back at the man whimpering from the loss of contact from his supposed 'lover'. The woman came back holding an object he couldn't quite identify. She turned her back to the window and was doing something to the front of her panties. When she turned back around, Fred's jaw dropped in absolute shock.

"A KNOB! IT'S A FUCKING KNOB! HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING! WHY IS IT BLUE?" Fred yelled, "TURN AROUND AND LOOK MISTER! SHE'S GOT A BLODDY RUBBER KNOB HANGING OFF THE FRONT OF HER PANTIES!" Fred screamed at the window. The woman untied the man's hands and pushed him over the edge of the bed. "OI! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL? RUN YOU STUPID BASTARD!" Fred was in total shock and awe. It was like watching a horrific, devastating car crash, but yet Fred's curiosity refused to let him tear his eyes away.

Once the woman had the man right where she wanted him, she yanked down the man's underwear. Fred's eyes went even wider as he watched dominatrix line herself up over the man's asscrack...

"OK, I'm out!" Fred declared as he popped back down to the sidewalk. He stood there for a moment, letting everything he saw sink in. "What the fuck was that?! It was all good right up until that knob part..."

Fred shook his head of the images, or well he tried to, and started to make his way further down the street. He saw a white house with blue shutters and decided that would be his next target. He carefully made his way up to the window, straining to hear for any 'unnatural' sex noises.

When he looked in the window, he saw two teenagers making out on a couch. They were laying down and their hands were all over each other. Fred watched as they kissed, the passion between the two teens was so thick it felt like it could be cut with a knife. Fred studied the way the boy had his mouth over the girl's, and it looked like he was trying to stick his tongue down her throat. "Wow, that seems a but rough...doesn't she have to breathe?" he thought out loud. The girl moaned and grabbed the boy's bottom and thrusted her pelvis upwards into his crotch.

"Huh...she seems to like it. OK, what else you two got?" Fred said as he shoved his face further into the window. The boy pulled the girl's shirt off and pushed down her bra to reveal her breasts. He started to kiss and suckle her nipples. "I thought babies only did that?" Fred said. He heard the girl moan in pleasure and saw her hands move quickly into his hair. "Huh...well she seems pleased. Not bad chap. Keep up the good work!"

Fred moved away from the window and made his way back to the sidewalk. So far, he'd seen one couple with no action, one couple who had some serious sexual deviations, and one couple who seemed semi-normal. "Not bad for one night of research. Still, could have done without the deadly blue knob of doom..."

* * *

Lizzy was busy shading over the entire letter with a pencil. She had tried different types of lighting, lemon juice (she thought it might have been invisible ink), and nothing was working to bring out the markings on the paper. The pencil trick was her last resort.

As soon as she was done, she held the note at arms length. She could now see what Fred had written when her and Natalie were coloring.

_'Dear Snotface,'_

_'I'm sorry I pushed you in the mud.'_

_'I miss talking to you, but I'm trying to find a way for you to see me.'_

_'Please don't give up on me. And please don't do it like the pigeons with Fartpants. He's gross. And he smells like armpits.'_

_'I want you to know that I took on Natalie as my new job because I had to see you again.'_

_'Please wait for me.'_

_'Love, Fred'_

_'P.S. - You have a lovely bottom.'_

Lizzy's eyes welled up with tears, and this time she let them fall. He really missed her! It wasn't some crazy dream or something she was looking too much into. He had feelings for her, and that was all she needed to keep believing in him.

She wiped her eyes and reread the note. She stopped at the very last line and read it twice. "I have a lovely bottom?" she looked confused, "What is he talk- OH GOD!"

Fred had seen her naked. She face-palmed herself and moaned in embarrassment.

"Shit..."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If I owned anything...there's have been a Drop Dead Fred II...

To LlamasAtTheDisco - Thanks for the review! I'm glad you are enjoying the story. :)

* * *

The next day went a little better destruction-wise. Lizzy allowed Natalie to go out and make mud pies with Fred again (since the ground was still ridiculously muddy), but she sat safely on the porch. She watched Natalie bounce around the mud pile as she worked on making it bigger and bigger.

"Hey Natalie, do you want some lemonade?" Lizzy hollered from the porch.

"Ok!"

"Alright, I'll be back." Lizzy said as she walked in the back door.

Natalie turned her attention to Fred, "Hey Fred, what do you think about our mud pie? Is it big enough?"

Fred was working on the back side of the mud pile where he had been suspiciously quiet, like he was thinking hard about something. Natalie's voice roused him from his thoughts, "Do what Fart Face?"

"I asked you what you think of our mud pie," Natalie said, "Didn't you hear me?"

"Oh! Well it looks smashingly brilliant I think."

Natalie stared at him for a moment. "You're getting sick again aren't you?"

Fred sighed. He really wished the little girl wasn't so dammed nosey, or observant for that matter, "No, I'm not sick."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Here, let me ask you a question instead," Fred said changing the subject quickly, "What is this 'work' thing that your dad does all day?"

"He builds stuff, like houses and buildings."

"OK, but why does he do that?" Fred asked.

"I dunno, because we need money?"

"Money? For what?"

"Daddy says we have bills."

"What? Like you owe people money?"

"Yeah, I think."

"Huh, well how do you go about getting one of these 'jobs'? Do they just pass them out to just anyone? Is there a queue I need to get in?"

"I dunno, but I think the newspaper gave Daddy his job," Natalie replied, "After Mommy left, Daddy was always reading the paper. I asked him what he was doing and he said looking for job so we could get money." Natalie gave Fred another weird look. "Why are you asking about Daddy's job?"

Fred shrugged, "Maybe I want one..."

"I thought your job was to be my friend?"

"It is! We'll be friends forever! But, you might get tired of me...then I'm going to need a new job."

"I'll never be tired of you Fred. You're my bestest friend in the whole world."

Fred smiled, "You're my best friend too."

"But what about Lizzy? I thought she was your best friend?"

"Lizzy is different."

"You always say that," Natalie frowned.

"I always say what?"

"That Lizzy is different."

"Well she is! Now enough about Lizzy," Fred tried to change the subject again, "Where can I find a newspaper?"

"There's one on the kitchen table."

"Brilliant." Fred said rubbing his hands together. "Oi! You're slacking over there!" he pointed to one side of the mud pile, "It's fixing to collapse!"

"Oops! Sorry Fred! I'll fix it!" Natalie said as she ran over where Fred was pointing.

"You'd better, or or I'm going to make you eat this whole thing!"

"No you won't!"

"Will too!"

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

SPLAT!

Fred sat on the ground utterly shocked as he wiped the mud from his face.

Natalie pointed and laughed, "Got you first Fred!"

"You're going to get it now!" Fred exclaimed as he armed himself with a handful of mud.

* * *

Lizzy came back out on the back porch with two glasses of lemonade. "Natalie! I have your lemon- oh shit..."

Natalie was covered head to toe in mud...again...

"Drop Dead Fred started it!" she yelled and pointed to where Fred was supposedly standing.

"DID NOT!" Fred yelled as he stomped over and smeared a bunch of mud in Natalie's hair.

Lizzy watched in awe as mud began to magically appear on Natalie's head. She took a breath and went for broke, "Fred, stop rubbing mud in Natalie's hair."

Fred stopped and stared at Lizzy in shock. "Fart Face! I think she can see me!"

"Lizzy! Can you see Fred now?" Natalie excitedly asked.

"No, but I saw...well ok I'm not sure WHAT I saw, but all of a sudden I saw a bunch of mud appear in your hair."

Fred frowned. Dammit, she still couldn't see him. But her seeing the magic of Fred's actions should not have been visible by the naked human eye either. "Quick, ask her about the letter," Fred said.

"Fred wants to know if you read his letter." Natalie said.

Lizzy smiled, "I did, and it was lovely." She could feel herself coming close to tears...again...so she changed the subject quickly, "Natalie, come on inside and lets get you cleaned up."

* * *

As soon as Lizzy shut the door to the bathroom where Natalie was busy playing with soap suds in her bath, she again felt the same 'something' in the hallway with her. "Fred," she whispered, "Is that you?"

Fred was standing at the end of the hall. How is it that she knew he was there? "Snotface, can you hear me?" he whispered back.

Lizzy frowned and went back downstairs. She didn't expect to hear a reply from Fred, but it couldn't hurt to try.

Fred began to follow Lizzy when a voice made him freeze, "I told you that you'd let her know that you were here in your own way."

Fred spun around, "Calypso? What in the hell are you doing here?"

"Trying to find out more about humans," Calypso said with a smile, "What are you doing here?"

"You know damn well know why I'm here," Fred snorted, "I'm here for Fartpant's daughter, remember?"

"Well that's half the reason why you're here..."

"You know what I mean!" Fred said in a huff.

"Hmmm, say, where's your Elizabeth at?" Calypso asked.

"She just went downstairs...why?"

"Well then!" Calypso said as he walked past Fred and over to the staircase, "Let's go meet this woman you're so smitten with shall we?"

* * *

"Goodness, she is quite pretty Fred. Nice job mate." Calypso said as he stared at Lizzy from across the table. Lizzy was busy reading a book she had brought with her.

"Erm, thanks," Fred said, "Now are you going to tell me WHY you're here?"

"I told you, I'm studying humans."

"Yes yes, but WHY."

"Humans are interesting creatures. Completely different than from IFs."

"Really, it took you leaving Limbo to come all the way to the real world for you to make that observation?"

"Now now, don't be cheeky," Calypso playfully warned, "Besides, there is much to know about humans and why they do the things they do."

"Right, if you say so," Fred said as he sat in the chair next to Lizzy, who was completely oblivious to the fact that there were two imaginary friends in the room with her. He spotted the newspaper Natalie had spoken of earlier and unfolded it open to read it.

"Didn't know you were interested in human news Fred."

"Yeah well, there's a lot you don't know about me. I like to know what's going on around here."

"Really, is that why you're reading the paper upside down?"

Fred's face turned red as he calmly righted the paper, "I was just testing you."

"Sure you were..."

Fred grunted as he flipped through the pages. 'OK, now where are these jobs Natalie was talking about,' he thought to himself.

"Looking for something in particular?" Calypso asked with a knowing smile on his face.

"Yeah, an alternative to what I'm doing now."

"Oh a job huh? That's very mature of you..."

Fred slammed the paper down. "MATURE? ME? NO! What a disgusting thing to say! I'm Drop Dead Fred! I'm not mature!"

Calypso held his hands up in surrender, "It was meant as a compliment, and you might want to stop freaking Elizabeth out."

"Do what? What are you on about?!" Fred yelled as he turned to look at Lizzy. She was busy looking at the table next to where the newspaper now lay, her eyes were wide and she looked a little spooked...as if she had seen or heard something.

"Interesting. She can't hear you or see you correct?" Calypso asked.

Fred frowned, "No she can't."

"But she can see objects that you've touched or interacted with?"

Fred thought about the question for a moment, "Not always, I don't think. It's kind of hit and miss. Occasionally, I think she somehow knows when it's just me and her in a room together."

"Fascinating," Calypso said as he waved his hand in front of Lizzy's still-shocked face, "Perhaps it due to the fact that no one has ever been in a type of situation like this before."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Fred, you're the first IF that has been friends with a charge all the way into adulthood," Calypso explained, "Not to mention the fact that you've now come back to be friends with Natalie who is in close contact with Lizzy."

"So what does that mean?"

"I'm not quite sure about that yet."

Fred was silent for a moment. If Calypso didn't have an answer to why things were so weird concerning Lizzy's awareness of Fred, then whatever situation he was in must be serious. "I'm not breaking any rules am I?"

"Breaking the rules how?"

"By, you know, being in contact with Lizzy."

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Ah good then. Wouldn't want to be banished or anything," Fred let out a nervous laugh.

Calypso smiled, "So you're saying that you would never want to become human?"

"Well um...no...what I meant was...uh..."

Calypso's smile became even larger, "You meant what?"

"Nothing, just...nothing..." Fred sighed as he looked at Lizzy, who had resumed back to reading her book but occasionally eyeing the newspaper next to her. She stopped reading long enough to check her watch, set her book down and went up the stairs to get Natalie out of the bathtub. Fred blatantly stared at her as she made her way up the stairs.

"Son, you've got it bad." Calypso said with a laugh.

"Oh shut up," Fred mumbled. He turned his attention back to Calypso, "How long have you been here in the real world?"

"Oh, for about a day or so. Much to learn. Have to be prepared and whatnot."

"Prepared for what?"

"Now, that's for me to know and for you to find out," Calypso grinned mischievously as he stood up from the table. "I have a few more things to see to and situations to resolve before I head back."

Fred raised an eyebrow, "Oi, what are you up to?"

"Trust me Fred, you'll be thanking me later." Calypso cryptically said as he faded away before Fred's eyes.

"Bastard..." Fred grumbled to the air in front of him.

"I heard that," Calypso's voice rumbled in his ears.

* * *

"Where's Fred at? Natalie asked Lizzy as she dressed herself in clean clothes.

"I believe he's downstairs," Lizzy replied, "I think he was playing with the newspaper on the kitchen table."

"Oh, so he found it. That's good. Maybe the newspaper will give him a job like it gave Daddy one." Natalie mused.

"Do what?" Lizzy asked, uncertain that she had heard the little girl correctly, "Did you say Fred was reading the paper to look for...a...job?"

"Yup."

"Um, did he say why?"

"No, but he's been saying a lot of weird stuff lately." Natalie replied, "Last night, he said he was going to sneak around to other people's houses and watch them 'have it off'. What does that mean?"

Lizzy blinked and stuttered, "Uhhh...well um...you know...um...people...uh...leave their...uh...lights! That's it, lights. People sometimes leave their lights on and they should 'have them off'." Lizzy mentally prayed that the little girl would accept her answer.

"Oh, " Natalie said letting Lizzy explanation sink in. She shrugged her shoulders "Can I ask you another question?"

Lizzy audibly gulped, "Sure sweetie, what is it that you want to know?"

"Can I play outside on the trampoline?"

Lizzy almost fell over in relief, "Sure. I'll be out there in a second."

Lizzy grabbed up Natalie's dirty clothes and went to go put them in the washer. What in hell was Fred doing? A job? The closest she had ever seen Fred to even being involved with a job was when he showed up at Janie's office building...right after he has sunk her houseboat. And 'having it off'? She was gonna strangle him...

"Fred...what are you up to..." Lizzy muttered to herself.

* * *

"So, day two with no major incidents. I'm impressed!" Mickey said.

"Yeah well, Natalie has been behaved," Lizzy replied. 'Not to mention that Fred has also kept destructive tendencies to a minimum...' she thought to herself.

"Well great! Say, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Uh. Laundry. Lots and lots of laundry," Lizzy said nervously.

"Um well, do you think you could find some time to come with me and Natalie to the zoo?" Mickey asked as he turned on the charm full blast, "Natalie would love it if you were able to come along with us."

"SAY NO SNOTFACE!" Fred said popping up behind Mickey. He knew Mickey would possibly try to make a move on his Elizabeth if they happened to be together for any length of time.

"Hey Natalie, would you like Lizzy to come with us to the zoo?" Mickey yelled upstairs.

Natalie appeared at the top of the stairs, "YES! Lizzy will you come?"

Lizzy really didn't want to go, but between the pleading look that Natalie was giving her and Mickey's huge smile she totally caved in, "Yeah sure I'll go."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Fred yelled as he stomped about the living room. Natalie looked at him oddly for a moment before running back to her room. Fred saw her out of the corner of his eye and raced up the stairs behind her.

* * *

"Lizzy can't go to the zoo!" Fred exclaimed as he burst though Natalie's bedroom door.

Natalie pouted, "Why can't she come, Fred? I want her to come with us!"

"She can't because...because..." Fred sighed and stopped his rant as he sat on the bed. He knew he couldn't stop her, but his jealously of her being with Fartpants was really beginning to put a strain on his sanity...well...what little was left of it.

"Because why?"

'Because I'm a jealous twat and I REALLY hate your father...' Fred's brain answered. He scowled at the thought of Lizzy and Mickey walking through the zoo together, holding each other's hand, possibly laughing at some stupid joke that Mickey made in an effort to impress Lizzy. Fred looked up and saw Natalie still standing in front of him with her hands on her hips waiting impatiently for an answer.

"Because, she's so UGLY that she's gonna scare off all the animals!" Fred said, making a face.

Natalie giggled, "She's not ugly Fred!"

"Is so! I bet she'll scare the elephants so badly that they will escape from their fences and poo all over everyone!" Fred said, reaching out to tickle Natalie in the ribs. She squealed and tumbled forward into Fred's arms. He gave her a quick hug as he lifted her up and sat her on the bed next to him.

"Sorry for snapping at you Fart Face. Still friends?"

Natalie gave him a hug in response. Fred put his arm around her, mentally chastising himself for not thinking of Natalie's feelings about the zoo trip. He was HER imaginary friend, not Lizzy's, which meant Natalie's needs always came first.

'Still,' Fred thought to himself, 'Fartpants had better watch his step...'

Hell hath no fury like an imaginary friend scorned.

* * *

"Janie, what do I do?" Lizzy moaned over the phone, "Mickey's a super nice guy, but I just don't know..." She had went home and immediately picked up the phone to call Janie. She would know what to do about the current situation Lizzy was in.

"You just need a good old-fashioned screwing. That'll make things right as rain."

"Janie! I'm not just gonna go sleep with Mickey!"

"Who says you have to sleep with only Mickey? The world is your oyster now that you and Charles are done," Janie replied.

"Casual sex is not going to solve anything."

"Fine then, just use sex as a stress reliever."

Lizzy rolled her eyes in exasperation, "The next time I have sex, I want it to be with someone I have feelings for, like I had with Charles."

"Last time you had feelings for someone, like you had with Charles, that someone, LIKE CHARLES, wound up cheating on you. Seriously Lizzy, you should just have sex for the release of endorphins. Screw feelings."

"But what if there's someone one who I'm holding out for?" Lizzy asked cautiously.

"Who could you be possibly waiting on?"

"Well no one in particular..."

"Spill it."

"You're gonna laugh..."

"No I'm not!" Janie said reassuringly, "I mean come on, it's not like you want to sleep with a movie star or anything, or someone who doesn't even exist like your old imaginary friend. There's nothing to laugh about, so spill it!"

Janie heard nothing but silence from Lizzy's end. She furrowed her eyebrows, "Lizzy, are you there?"

"Yeah..." a small voice came through the earpiece.

Janie furrowed her eyebrows even deeper, "It's a celebrity isn't it?"

"No."

Janie was silent for a moment before she took a deep breath and asked her the question that she was afraid she already knew the answer to, "It's Drop Dead Fred..."

"I SWEAR Janie, I can explain..."

"Lizzy, for Christ's sake, he's NOT REAL!"

"He was real enough to sink your houseboat," Lizzy pointed out.

Janie growled, "That may be true, but seriously Lizzy, people are going to think you are absolutely crazy!"

"I'm not advertising the fact that I love Fred! I just..." Lizzy's face went in shock as she replayed the words in her head that had just come out of her mouth, "What I meant was-"

"Bullshit. You are in love with someone who isn't real."

"But he is! He's Mickey's daughter's imaginary friend now!"

Janie was again silent for a moment, "Lizzy, are you for real?"

"I swear to you Janie, you know I wouldn't lie about something like this."

"You wouldn't lie to me anyways, you're horrible at it." Janie sighed into the phone. "So you're in love with this Fred guy. Are you even sure he's male?"

"Of course, trust me, the way he was looking up Annabella's dress that one time answers that question," Lizzy said.

"Do what? When did that happen?"

Lizzy call waiting buzzed in, "I'll tell you later Janie, I have another call."

"You'd better call me back Lizzy!"

Lizzy pushed the button to change between calls, "Hello?"

"Hi Lizzy, this is Mickey. What are you up to?" Mickey chatted happily into the phone.

"Oh uh, actually getting ready for bed. Got another big day with Natalie tomorrow."

"Ah right. Well OK, I just called to see if you would like to talk for a bit, but I'll let you get to sleep. Good night, Elizabeth."

"Night Mickey." Lizzy said before she hung up the phone. Great, now Mickey was calling her...

"Fred...whatever you're doing...you'd better hurry up."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still don't own...

WENN9366 - Thanks for the correction! Got it fixed :)

zombierose3 - Glad you are enjoying the story! Hopefully I can get this one wrapped up in a couple of weeks.

* * *

The rest of the week went incredibly smooth according to Lizzy's standards. She had pulled Natalie aside from time to time and asked her if Fred was still around. The little girl repeatedly confirmed that he was in fact present. However, Natalie did disclose that she had made Fred promise to not cause any havoc until after the trip to the zoo. Apparently Mickey had given Natalie a stern warning that if she misbehaved, the zoo trip would be canceled.

Fred happened to have been in the room with her when Mickey had given her the warning, and his immediate thought was to sabotage Mickey's plans. That was until Natalie informed him that this was the first family outing she had been on since her parents divorced. Fred saw the sadness in the little girl's eyes, and he knew she had him over the barrel. There was no way he could be as mischievous as he wanted to be as Natalie was truly looking forward on going to the zoo.

"Can we try hard to behave Fred? I really want to go and see the monkeys." Natalie had begged.

"Well you're just taking all the fun of our playtime together!" Fred exclaimed.

Natalie had even went so far as to pull out the puppy eyes and droopy lip, "Please Fred?"

"Fiiiiiine. I guess we'll be bored for the next two days..." Fred whined, but he grabbed Natalie's pinky finger with his own and shook on it.

Things may have boring, but it also gave Fred time to think of a plan of action for when they would go to the zoo. He was determined not to let Mickey get the upper-hand with Lizzy, or any hand for that matter.

* * *

The drive was somewhat awkward as Lizzy tried hard to keep up with Mickey's small talk on the way to the zoo. She knew she was acting kind of cold and standoffish, but she certainly did not want to give Mickey the wrong impression that this was another 'date'. While she had enjoyed their first date together, it had happened before she knew Fred was back and still very much in her life.

Mickey pulled in front of the park entrance once they had reached their destination, "I'll let you ladies out here while I park."

"Ok." Lizzy replied, "Come on Natalie, let's wait on that bench over there by the snow cone stand."

Natalie's eyes lit up, "Oooo! Can we get a snow cone?"

"Maybe when we leave, but for right now just sit tight with Lizzy." Mickey answered. He gave Lizzy a wink, "Be right back!"

Lizzy and Natalie walked over to the bench. Fred popped into view next to the snow cone stand, and he held what seemed to be the biggest snow cone Natalie had ever seen. "Look here Fart Face! I got me a treat and you dooon't!" he teased.

"I'll get one too when we leave!" Natalie said.

Lizzy looked down and saw the little girl looking and talking to nothing but air. She suddenly felt the pit of he stomach drop when she realized who Natalie was talking to. "Is Fred here?"

"Yep, and he's got a gigantic snow cone." Natalie said with a pout.

'Shitshitshitshit', Lizzy thought, 'Oh God PLEASE don't let him get out of control...'

"He's showing off, it's all different colors of the rainbow." Natalie pouted, "Do you think Daddy will let me have one when we leave?"

"Of course, just ignore Fred's teasing." Lizzy said. She immediately regretted saying that as she realized Fred had probably heard her.

"IGNORE ME?!" He had heard her alright. "HA! You can't ignore me! I'm Drop Dead Fred!" He dropped his icy treat on the ground and climbed in the snow cone booth. He walked up to the ice shaving machine and began to yank the machine's nozzle around in an attempt to take it apart. The attendant in the booth had no clue what was going as he had his nose buried in a magazine.

"If you're gonna ignore me, then no one's gonna get any snow cones!" he said while thrashing about within the booth. "Gah, how do you get this dammed thing apart? Oooo,a button! What's this do?" He wondered out loud as he jammed his thumb on top of the large 'ON' button.

Shaved ice began to fly out of the nozzle, which was perfectly positioned at the back of Lizzy's head. The icy slush splattered all over her and she let out a shriek. She spun around, only to be met with more slush which continued to cover the front of her shirt.

The attendant heard Lizzy's shouts and immediately looked up from his magazine. "Oh my God!" he screamed as he rushed over to the machine to turn it off. Unfortunately for him (and Lizzy), Fred had pushed the button so hard that it was stuck.

Lizzy moved away from the stream of ice while dancing around trying to get the ice remnants out of the inside of her shirt. Natalie was pointing and laughing hysterically. "Nice one Fred!"

"Ha ha..." he laughed weakly at the sight of Lizzy dancing and glaring (which was an odd sight), in the general direction of the snow cone stand. "Ahhh...it was an accident Snotface...I swear..."

* * *

Lizzy stomped into the restroom yanking her shirt off as soon as the door closed behind her. At least the customer service manager had been gracious enough to let her use the staff bathroom to get herself cleaned up. She was highly irritated with Fred for getting her soaked. For someone who claimed to love her, he sure as hell had a funny way of showing it.

Lizzy pushed the button on the hand dryer and held her shirt underneath the air current. She sighed and muttered, "Dammit Fred! WHY do you do these things?"

Fred popped up beside her. "I swear, it was an accident Elizabeth, I'm so sorry." Even though he knew she couldn't hear him, it just felt right to express his apology out loud.

As Lizzy methodically kept turning her shirt so it would dry evenly, she felt the 'something' again. She looked around the bathroom, eyeing the stalls. She stepped away from the air blower and did a quick check to see if anyone was in the bathroom with her. Once her knowledge of being alone was satisfied, she walked back to the air blower and continued to dry her shirt. She knew the 'something' had to be Fred. "Fred, are you there?"

"I'm here Lizzy," Fred said moving to stand closer to her, "I wish you could hear me..." He gazed longing at her smooth, flawless back and became overwhelmed with the urge to touch what he currently couldn't have. He reached out to lightly graze his finger along the slim black strap of her bra. His mind immediately flashed back to the thought of her standing over him with a whip in her hand. He felt a sudden tightness in his pants as his breathing became labored.

He tried hard to force the image out of his head, but the thought of Lizzy in nothing but her bra and panties was too vivid to ignore. "Oh Elizabeth..." he breathed, "You are so beautiful." Fred then took a chance and moved his touch from her bra strap to barely stroke the back of her neck with his index finger. He saw goosebumps begin to prickle up underneath her skin, and she visibly gave a small shudder.

When Lizzy felt the goosebumps, she immediately pulled her hands away from the dryer and pulled the shirt to her chest in an effort to cover herself up. "Fred..." she said cautiously, "Fred, if that's you...you really need to behave today..."

She received nothing but silence as a response. 'Fine, if he wants to play this game, then I'll play,' Lizzy thought to herself.

Lizzy took a breath and said in a stern voice, "Fred, if you don't behave I'm going to be forced to do something drastic and you won't like it." She had an idea that could either possibly work, or turn horrifically awful, but she needed somehow elicit a response from Fred.

However, getting a coherent answer from him was beyond impossible at this point. Fred was still entranced by Lizzy's beautiful skin and how it easily responded under his touch. He wasn't sure if she could feel his soft stokes against the back of her neck, but he could certainly feel her skin beneath his fingertip. He carefully reached out his other fingers to gently caress the curve of her neck and the top of her shoulder. He knew he shouldn't be interacting with Lizzy like this, but there was no way he could stop himself even if he wanted to. His restraint not to put his lips where his fingers were exploring was fraying by the second. He could hear Lizzy talking, but his mind couldn't process the words.

"Fred I'm serious" Lizzy continued, unaware that her very presence was bringing out raw, carnal actions within her former imaginary friend, "Don't make me..." she took a deep breath, "Dammit Fred, if you cause any more trouble today, I'll be forced to give Mickey a big girly kiss!"

The bold statement seemed to kick Fred out of mesmerized state, and he yanked his hand away from Lizzy as if he had been burned. His mind snapped and the flood gates of his internal angst and unhappiness about this entire situation finally broke open.

"Kiss him? KISS HIM?" Fred raged, his anger growing by the second, "I'll never let it happen!" He slammed his hands against the wall on either side of Lizzy, as he moved his body dangerously close to hers. Lizzy stood still as the hair raised on the back of her neck as the air around her seemed to be charged with an unnatural energy. She let another shiver course though her body as she thought she felt a warm breath wash over her skin.

Fred leaned forward and growled his discontent into Lizzy's ear. "You belong to ME," his said as his voice dropped into a rough and gravelly whisper, "Do you understand? YOU are MINE!"

* * *

Lizzy rushed out of the bathroom and almost ran face-first into Mickey, "Hey! I see you were able to dry out your shirt," he said cheerfully.

"Um yeah, it dried out quickly," she replied with a nervous laugh. Fred had felt so close but yet so far away all at the same time. She suppressed another shiver and forced herself to give Mickey a smile. "So, how much do I owe you for my admission pass?"

"Ahhh...well...we all got free passes into the zoo. Kind of a stroke of luck that you got hosed with ice. I should take you Vegas," Mickey said jokingly.

Lizzy gave him a strained smile, "Sorry, but I really don't see that as being lucky."

"Well we're up $30 bucks, I'd call that lucky."

"Yeahhhh, I think my definition of 'lucky' is significantly different than yours."

Mickey turned his attention to Natalie as she tugged Mickey's pants leg, "Daddy, can we go see the monkeys now?"

"In a minute Natalie, why don't we grab a map and see where they are at?" Mickey said, "I'll run over to the customer service stand and grab one."

As soon as Mickey was out of earshot, Natalie poked Lizzy's arm. "Fred told me to tell you that he's really sorry."

"I bet he is..." Lizzy muttered, "When did he tell you that?"

"Right before you went to the bathroom."

"He's not around now is he?"

Natalie looked over both shoulders, "No. Why?"

"I think I made him mad..."

"Why'd you that?"

"Why'd you do what?" Mickey asked Lizzy and Natalie as he returned with the map.

"Oh...um...nothing..." Lizzy said giving Natalie a sidelong glance.

"Well, I've got us a map, so let's get this show on the road!" Mickey said as he grabbed Natalie's hand. "Let's see if we can go find these monkeys!"

* * *

Lizzy, Mickey, and Natalie slowly made their way through the attractions. They had seen the alligators, bears, giraffes, zebras, and tigers, however, they still hadn't made it to the monkey sanctuary yet. They had decided to have a quick bite to eat by the koala cages before moving on to the rest of the park.

"Natalie, do you want a hot dog?" Mickey asked as he looked down at his daughter.

"Yes please!"

"OK. Lizzy, what would you like?"

"Um, a hamburger will be fine."

"Awesome, I'll go order." Mickey gave Lizzy a quick wink before walking off towards the food court.

Fred popped up behind Natalie, "Hey Fart Face, have you seen the monkeys yet?"

"Nope not yet! Where have you been Fred?" Natalie asked.

"Fred?" Lizzy turned around to look at Natalie, "Where's he at?"

"I'm right here Snotface. Whaddya want?"

"Fred asked what did you want," Natalie repeated.

"Um well," Lizzy started, "I wanted to apologize if I said anything to...um...upset him."

"Oooooh, what did you say Lizzy?" Natalie asked.

"Well, I'm not going to repeat it, but it was something really stupid. I didn't mean it," Lizzy replied.

"You'd better not have! I wouldn't let it happen even if you did!" Fred yelled in Lizzy's face.

"Let what happen? Fred, what did Lizzy say?" Natalie begged.

"Never you mind Fart Face, it's adult stuff anyways." Fred said.

"Adult stuff? What are you talking about? Is this about the 'having it off' thing?"

"NO!" Lizzy and Fred said in unison.

Natalie gave the both of them an odd look before pouting, "I wanna know!"

"You want to know what Natalie?" Mickey said as he walked up carrying everyone's order. "What are you ladies chatting about?"

"Lizzy told Fred something that made him mad, and neither one will tell me what she said," Natalie complained.

"Fred? You mean Drop Dead Fred?" Mickey gave Lizzy a disappointed look, "I thought you were done with this whole Fred thing?"

"Well I am..." Lizzy started to say, but Mickey cut her off.

"Seriously, this isn't good for Natalie to keep believing in a person who doesn't exist. And Natalie, I told you to stop pretending Fred is real."

"But Daddy, he's my best friend!" Natalie pouted.

"No he's not because he doesn't exist!" Mickey said angrily. "Now come on, sit down here and eat your lunch."

Both Natalie and Lizzy sat down at a picnic table while Mickey set their food in front of them. As soon as Mickey sat down, he started in on the two of them again, "Please tell me you guys are not going to continue with this Drop Dead Fred charade."

Natalie immediately started to get upset, "But Daddy, I won't have anyone to play with!"

"You've got plenty of toys and coloring books! Plus you can play with your babysitter!" Mickey argued back.

"Lizzy is the only babysitter that's played with me! And if she wasn't here I would be alone!"

"That's nonsense Natalie," Mickey snorted, "I'm here, so you're not alone."

"You just don't understand..." Natalie mumbled.

Lizzy felt extremely uncomfortable. She wanted to tell Mickey that he was wrong, and that she knew how it felt to be lonely. Mickey wasn't as condescending as her mother was, but he seemed to be quite vocal against keeping an open mind about his little girl's imagination.

Fred was in the tree above the picnic table eavesdropping. He was beginning to hate him almost as much as the MegaBitch. Who was he to tell Natalie that she wasn't allowed to play with him? And where did he get off thinking he can tell Lizzy not to believe in him as well? Fred continued to glare at Mickey as he began lecturing Lizzy.

"Lizzy, you can't encourage Natalie like this. I know you think you're helping, but this is only going to cause more problems." Mickey said, "And why on earth would you even talk to Fred...regardless if he's your imaginary friend or Natalie's? God, do you remember how out of control he was?"

"I'm sorry Mickey..." Lizzy said quietly.

"Listen, just please stop with this whole Fred thing. I don't want Natalie exposed to this anymore, and if it continues...I'm sorry but...I'm going to have to find another babysitter..."

"NO DADDY!" Natalie cried as she grabbed for Lizzy's arm, "I like Lizzy! You can't take her away from me!" the little girl sobbed. "And Fred's my bestest friend in the whole world! Please Daddy! Don't take me away from him too!"

It was deja vu to Lizzy's ears as she heard herself say those exact words to her own mother long ago. Her heart went out to the little girl, and she decided that it was best to just try and drop the whole subject of Drop Dead Fred altogether.

"Mickey, people are staring." Lizzy said calmly, "Please, let's not make a scene. We're here to enjoy a day at the zoo, remember?"

Mickey's lips set in a grim line before answering with a nod. "You're right. We'll discuss this later. Let's just eat and forget about imaginary friends and start thinking about those monkeys." He finally relaxed and then gave them both a smile. "Come on, I bet they are waiting for us to come visit. Let's finish and go see the rest of the animals."

* * *

Fred skulked behind Lizzy, Mickey and Natalie as they walked though the rest of the park. He noticed Mickey move closer and closer to Lizzy as they neared the monkey sanctuary. 'He'd better not try anything,' Fred thought to himself, 'especially after the way he treated them at lunch.' He swore to himself to not take his eyes off of Mickey for Lizzy's sake.

When they finally reached the cages, Natalie ran forward to get closer. "Look Daddy! There are so many!"

"There sure are, sweetie." Mickey said as he watched his daughter run up to look at the group of monkeys closest to the edge of the cage.

Fred popped up beside Natalie. "Oi! Look at them Fart Face! You know you kinda look like that one there on the right!" he said while pointing.

Natalie giggled as she looked back towards Mickey and Lizzy to see if they were watching her. She didn't want her father catching her talking to Fred. "Oh yeah?" she whispered, "You look like that one over there!" she pointed to another monkey that was sitting in a tree.

"Do not! At least I don't smell like one like YOU do!" Fred exclaimed. Natalie laughed out loud, and the sound made Fred's insides swell up in pride. It felt good to make the little girl laugh, especially after her father almost had ruined the entire day for her. He turned around to see Mickey trying to invade Lizzy's personal space. A spark of jealously ignited within him, "Natalie, stay here with the monkeys OK?"

"OK Fred." Natalie said as she turned back to watch the monkeys.

Fred popped up behind Lizzy and tried to glare a hole through Mickey's head. He didn't like how Mickey was looking at her and the way his body language emitted a desire for HIS Lizzy.

"So...um...Lizzy," Mickey said moving closer to where Lizzy was standing, "I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I honestly don't know what came over me."

"Um, that's OK," Lizzy said slightly backing up a bit. She could see Mickey was trying hard to turn on the charm full blast, and she secretly wished Fred could materialize and intervene. When she first reconnected with Mickey, she honestly thought he was an understanding and open-minded guy. But after seeing his reaction about Natalie's imaginary friend, she didn't have the same good feeling about him as she originally had. "Are you going to...um...apologize to Natalie?"

"Yeah sure, I'll talk to her later," Mickey absently said as he looked into Lizzy's eyes. "Say Lizzy, um...wow...you're just so beautiful..."

"Um, thank you Mickey." Lizzy said blushing deeply. She might have not thought very highly of the man in front of her at the moment, however, a compliment such as the one he gave her couldn't go unnoticed by her ego.

Fred was fuming. He could barely contain the jealousy within him. He could see Mickey was beginning to zero in on Lizzy's lips. Regardless of the compliment he bestowed upon HIS Elizabeth, it was very obvious she was uncomfortable with Mickey being in her 'bubble'. "You're not going to do what I think you're going to do Fartpants! Not while have anything to say about it!"

* * *

Fred popped inside the monkey sanctuary near the entrance. Natalie saw Fred in the cage and became immediately excited. "Fred! What are you doing in there?"

"Quick Fart Face! Go to the other side of the cage door!" Fred yelled as he tried to look for the locking mechanism. If he couldn't physically break Lizzy and Mickey apart, he sure as hell would make enough racket to MAKE them separate. He gave the couple a quick glance and could see Mickey trying to get in closer.

"OK Fred I'm here!" Natalie yelled.

"Is there a lock on the outside of the door? Like a keyhole or a knob or something?"

"No, it's just got a sliding thingy."

"A 'sliding thingy'? What in the bloody hell does that mean?"

"You know, where you slide the metal thingy over and it comes out of the hole..."

"Do what?"

Natalie reached up and slid the lock open and pushed open the door. She then pointed to the lock, "See? This is what I meant."

"Brilliant! Now step back...things are going to get messy!"

He went over to a group of monkeys and began to gently poke at one of them. The monkey looked to its left and let out an irritated cry to complain and scare off the monkey next to it. The other monkey let out angry cry and began to pound the ground beneath its feet. This in turn raised the attention of all the other monkeys, which then led to more noises, bouncing, and swinging from treetops. Fred quickly made his way out of the cage, grabbed Natalie's hand, and raced over to a tree. "Watch Fart Face! This is going to be BRILLIANT!"

The two monkeys began to square off, as a challenge seemed to be initiated between the two primates. They made loud screeching noises and began to chase one another around the cage. Finally, one stopped, scraped up what looked like mud, and hurled it at its opponent. The other monkey deftly moved out of the way and the mud splatted hard against the fence and the pavement outside.

* * *

Mickey was oblivious to all the noise as he could only concentrate on the woman in front of him. "Lizzy..." Mickey murmured as he began to lean forward. Lizzy felt extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable as she could clearly see that Mickey intended to kiss her. She began to panic, her eyes darted around looking for anything that could pull Mickey's attention away.

SPLAT!

Mickey yanked his head away from Elizabeth and reached up to wipe something off of his face. "What the hell?" He looked at the mess in his hands, "Where did this mud come from?"

Then the smell hit him. Apparently this mud had the distinct smell of...feces...?

The realization hit Mickey like a sledgehammer."OH GOD! I NEED A BATHROOM!" he yelled as he began flailing his hand around trying to fling the poo off of his fingers. As Mickey ran off, Lizzy looked over at the monkey cage and saw an epic poo-flinging fight in the making. She spotted Natalie hiding behind a tree and ran over to the little girl.

"Are you OK Natalie?" Lizzy asked.

"I'm fine!"

"Where's Fred?"

"Right next to me. He's OK too."

Lizzy looked at the empty space next to the little girl. "Fred...did you do this?"

"I was forced to! You were fixing to get COOTIES!" Fred yelled.

"Fred says he had to cause you were getting cooties." Natalie ad-libbed, "How did you get cooties?"

"I didn't...thankfully..." Lizzy muttered. "Um...thank you...Fred."

Fred smiled at Lizzy. He moved to stand behind Lizzy and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "Anything for you Snotface. Anything."

"Lizzy look! The monkeys are escaping!" Natalie squealed in delight.

The monkeys had indeed discovered that the cage door was open and began making their way out into the park. A couple of zookeepers had finally noticed there was an incident at the cages and began a hurried chase after the freed animals. Natalie and Lizzy started laughing as they watched the animal handlers trip over one another in attempts to catch the multitude of escaped animals.

* * *

Mickey came back to the monkey cages in search of his daughter and Lizzy. The complete pandemonium that was playing out before his eyes was unbelievable. Park patrons were running about yelling and pointing at the numerous monkeys that were running amok. Monkeys were climbing on picnic tables, trees, and other animal cages in order to get away from the animal handlers that were chasing them. Mickey had never before seen anything this crazy in his life.

Among the insanity, he spotted Lizzy and Natalie hiding behind a tree. He raced over and grabbed both of their hands, "Come on, let's get out of here!"

They all ran towards the entrance along with other visitors. None of them stopped until Mickey led them to his vehicle.

"Was that crazy or what?" Mickey exclaimed as they piled into his truck.

"That was great Daddy!" Natalie quipped, "Can we go again sometime?"

"Ha, we'll see." He turned to look at Lizzy, "Lizzy, what in the hell happened back there?"

"I'm not sure," Lizzy lied, "I just remember seeing you running to the bathroom, and then I went to immediately go look for Natalie."

"Well, thank you for that. God knows what would have happened if you weren't there." Mickey said gratefully.

"Ha, yeah sure. Anytime..."

* * *

Mickey pulled into the driveway and put the truck in park. "Well Lizzy, today's been awfully eventful. Thank you for coming along."

"Yeah Lizzy! Thank you so much!" Natalie said as she wrapped her small arms around Lizzy's waist. Lizzy gave her a big hug back and kissed her on top of the head.

"I'm happy to have gotten to come along with you," Lizzy said earnestly, "I had a good time."

"Well, we'd best get inside," Mickey said climbing out of the vehicle, "I gotta get dinner going. Would you like to stay and eat with us?"

"I wish I could, but I promised my friend Janie that I would stop by her house and visit this evening." Lizzy lied again for the second time within an hour. She didn't like lying to people, but she was truly ready to just go home and relax in a hot bath.

"Ah OK, well I'll call you later maybe?" Mickey asked.

"Sure. Talk to you later then." Lizzy said as she climbed in her car. She gave Natalie a small wave before starting the car and pulling away from the curb.

"Hey Daddy look!" Natalie said loudly as she pulled on her father's pants leg. "There's a moving truck at Molly's old house," she said as she pointed across the street.

"Hmm, guess they sold the house already. Maybe we will meet our new neighbors tomorrow. For now, let's get ready for dinner." Mickey said leading his daughter inside the house.

* * *

Calypso walked into his office to find Roddy buried deep in stacks and stacks of files. "Well, did you find the info I asked for?"

The top of Roddy's head was barely visible behind the mass amount of paperwork. He stood to look over the large stack that was directly in front of him, "Yup. Did you get your research done on humans?"

"I most certainly did." Calypso said with a winning smile. "Let's get us a couple of scotches and compare notes, shall we?"


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Drop Dead Fred, however I will borrow them and put them back when I'm done :P

For everyone who has left me their beautiful comments, I just want to say thank you so much for your support!

Just an FYI...this chapter is stupid angsty...like roll-me-up-and-smoke-me angsty...But I'm on vacation for the next nine days, so the next chapter will be out VERY soon...

* * *

"See here Cal, there are plenty of them that were drug away within the first 24 hours by those police people," Roddy said pointing to his notebook. "Most taken away were the ones who previously hurt children on purpose."

"Hmm, good riddance too. I detest the idea...not to mention the act of hurting a child," Calypso commented, "What about the others?"

"Well," Roddy continued, "Some were able to find shelter with other humans. Place like cardboard boxes, overpasses and the like. Think they are referred to as 'homeless'?"

"Believe so. Saw many of them in the streets, seems like all of them have been dealt a bad hand." Calypso said thoughtfully, "However, the vast majority seemed to be suffering from some sort of vice, and none seemed interested in getting out of their current predicament. What else did you find?"

"Eh, a few died in various accidents. Run over by cars, buses, and in one case there happened to be an unfortunate incident with a steamroller..." Roddy grimaced.

"Hmm, we can chalk that up to their loss of powers. IFs have to move from one place to another like humans do once they've been banished. They can't keep teleporting. Annoying side effect, but none the less they all should have known better." Calypso said, "So far, I believe we can circumvent any of these possible outcomes in Fred's case."

"What about that ID thing?" Roddy asked.

"Fascinating subject Rod! Did you humans are obsessed with identification, or 'ID' as it were? Birth certificates, drivers licenses, social security cards, green cards, credit cards, library cards...never seen anything like it. So much seems to rely on humans owning a variety of these things," Calypso said while tapping his finger on the desk.

"Green card? Oi, they must've seen Fred coming a mile away. He's gonna need that to clear himself with these 'fashion police' I've heard about." Roddy chucked.

"Well, he will need the green card, but not for that purpose. After spending half a day in this building called a 'courthouse', I've got plenty of information about what Fred's going to need." Calypso replied, "No matter, I will handle these affairs for him."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"Already have it taken care of actually. I'm not quite sure if in the real world it would be classified as 'legal', but I came across a small outfit of individuals who produce these documents. They did want a ridiculous sum of money, but thankfully human adults are easily influenced to change their minds."

Roddy gave Calypso a knowing smile, "Scared them eh?"

"Teleport across a room a few times and anything will be free I suppose," Calypso said mirroring Roddy's smile with his own. "There's a few other details I need to line out, plus the magic involved to release Fred into the real world."

"You told me you thought Fred could banish himself. What happened to that idea?"

Calypso reached into his bottom desk drawer to pull out a small leather-bound book. "Well, I have to create the rule first now don't I? If I didn't, we'd have IFs all over the place wanting to try and become human for all the wrong reasons...and failing miserably at that. We ARE here for a good reason, you know. There are many children in need, and we certainly can't shirk on our duties," he explained.

Roddy stood there trying hard to comprehend what Calypso just said. "So you're telling me, Fred can be a human...as long as you write a rule saying that he can?"

"Precisely."

"Huh...you can do that?"

Calypso blinked, "I'm in charge here. I can do whatever the hell I want."

"Oh right. Forgot about that."

Calypso shook his head. "Enough with the daftness Roddy, now let's see here," He took out a fountain pen and opened up the book. "This rule needs to be simple, straight-forward, and inarguable."

"What's inarguable?"

"It means it can't be argued," Calypso said glancing up from the book, "Now, we also can't have this rule be convoluted with nonsense language and whatnot..."

"What's convoluted?"

"You're bloody killing me, Roddy..."

* * *

Lizzy sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep-snot out of her eyes. Thankfully it was Sunday, so she had a day to rest up and reflect about the past week's events. Fred's face immediately invaded her brain and her stomach began to knot and flutter at the same time. It pained Lizzy to hear Mickey threaten to fire her over Fred, but she figured she would have to play by the rules if this was the only way to stay close to Fred.

She would first have to talk to Natalie to make sure the both of them were on the same page. It was obvious they would have to keep their knowledge of Fred on the down-low. Maybe they could talk in code or use hand signals or something...

The phone rang and Lizzy reached over to pick up the handset, "Hello?"

"You never called me back!" a voice shouted.

Lizzy groaned, "Shit! I'm sorry Janie!"

"Yeah yeah," Janie huffed, "So how's the love affair going with the guy who doesn't exist?"

"It's...uh...hell Janie, I don't know. Something happened at the zoo yesterday with Mickey..."

"Well at least something is happening with a guy that's real!"

Lizzy sighed, "Are you gonna let me tell my story?"

"Fine fine..."

"Well, Mickey tried to kiss me-"

"About time you got some action!"

"Dammit Janie!"

"Sorry!"

Lizzy sighed again,"Anyways...Mickey tried to kiss me and Fred broke it up."

"Do what? How in the hell did he do that?"

"He made a group of monkeys mad enough to throw their poop at one another, and then he let them all out of their cage. Mickey got hit in the face with...well you know...right before he tried to kiss me," Lizzy explained.

"You're shitting me!"

"Ha. More like Fred was shitting Mickey. And before that, something weird happened in the bathroom."

"Lizzy, don't tell me your imaginary friend has a bathroom fetish..."

"NO! I mean I was in the bathroom, and I could, you know...feel him in there with me..."

"He was feeling you up while you were going to the bathroom? What the fuck Lizzy?!"

"NO DAMMIT! It wasn't like that!" Lizzy yelled. "I was drying my shirt!"

"Drying your shirt? Why?"

"Because I got...you know...never mind why. I was just in the bathroom drying it OK?"

"So he was in the bathroom with you," Janie recapped, "And you had your shirt...on or off?"

"Off."

"Oh, well that makes it SO much better..." Janie deadpanned.

Lizzy groaned again, "No...well yes...but it was innocent! Well I think it was innocent...anyways I said something stupid, and I think I made him mad."

"Lizzy, he's imaginary, how in the hell could you tell? And what could you have said to make him mad?" Janie asked.

"I threatened that I would kiss Mickey if he didn't behave."

The line was silent for a moment, "Elizabeth, let me get this straight. You tried to make your imaginary boyfriend jealous...with threatening to kiss a guy that is real?"

"Yeah..."

"Wow," Janie whistled, "That's pretty harsh Lizzy. I think I'm on Team Fred with this one."

"Janie, he was getting out of control again..."

"So? Come on, if you love this guy like you say you do, don't you think that was a little uncalled for?"

"So you're defending Fred? Does that mean you believe me about Fred being real? Well...real to me at least..." Lizzy asked.

"I believe you have personal issues that no non-professional can heal..."

"Janie!" Lizzy huffed, "Come on! You know I'm not crazy!"

"Fine. No you're not crazy, but you've got to get a grip," Janie replied, "Now, come on, get out of the house and come over. I wanna show you my new piano."

"Piano? Why did you buy a piano? You can't even play!"

"Pffft, I still have a buttload of money left in savings from the houseboat check. Gotta spend it on something!" Janie said happily. "Come on, let's go shopping, I'll buy."

* * *

"Natalie, bring that bucket of water over here," Mickey said. "I need to scrub the tailgate."

Natalie groaned as she grabbed the bucket's handle, "Daddy this is boring. Why do we have to wash the truck?" she asked as she drug the bucket of soapy water over to her father.

"Well it's dirty, so it needs a little TLC," Mickey explained as he dipped his sponge in the bucket. "And it's not that boring."

"Well your WRONG! This is utter crap! WE want to have fun and pretend to be Treasure Hunters AND go look for loot and shiny things!" Fred yelled popping up next to Mickey. "You can wash your stupid old truck by yourself!"

Natalie let out a giggle and she quickly slapped her hand over her mouth. Mickey turned and gave her an odd look. "What are you laughing at sweetie?"

"Nothing!" the little girl said too quickly.

"Nothing huh? Are you talking to Fred?" Mickey asked sternly.

"Umm..." Natalie's eyes averted her father's in an attempt to come up with a lie when she happened to see some movement from the house across the street. "Daddy look! Our neighbors are outside!"

"Huh?" Mickey turned around and saw a young woman with flowing blonde hair and a deep dark tan walk across the yard to the moving van parked in the driveway.

"Can we go say hi Daddy?" Natalie asked as her father stood stock still while staring at the beautiful woman across the street. She pulled a large box out of the truck and began to make her way back into the house. Halfway to her front door, she lost her grip on the corner of the box and it tumbled out of her hands. The contents of the box spilled out all over the lawn, and she let out an expletive before bending over to pick up the mess.

Mickey found himself staring hard at the woman's 'assets' for a moment before he mentally slapped himself. "Sure honey, let's go meet our new neighbor," he said as he grabbed Natalie's hand and began walking.

"Oi! What happened to us playing together? Fart Face!" Fred shouted at the little's girl's back. Natalie turned around and gave Fred a weak smile and a small shrug as if to say she was sorry.

Fred watched as Mickey and Natalie crossed the street to introduce themselves. He could see Mickey turning on the charm as he helped the woman pick up the stuff that fell out of the box. "Well well, for someone who is SO interested in Lizzy, you sure moved on quick. Good riddance!" Fred said to himself. Mickey clearly didn't deserve Lizzy in his opinion and this proved it.

"Well good, now I don't have to worry about that bastard. Seems he's occupied with the new tart across the street. Competition's gone! No worries!" he said as he continued to watch the two talk. All of a sudden, he heard the woman call out to someone in the house, "April! Come out here and meet our new neighbors!"

A moment passed before a dark-haired girl who looked like she was about Natalie's age ran out of the house to go stand by her mother. Fred saw Natalie's eyes light up, and he immediately felt a sharp pang in his stomach. He didn't know why he hurt or what it meant, but regardless, he knew this was definitely wasn't good.

"Well fuck."

* * *

Calypso set down his pen and gave his book an appraising look, "Well, it's done Rod. It's in the rules and everything's good."

"Righto, so when is all this going to go down?"

"Soon, probably sooner than I would have liked unfortunately," Calypso said.

"Why's that?"

"Natalie's just made a new friend."

"What? When did you sent another IF?"

"No you dolt, she's met a REAL friend. Fred's magic in the real world will soon be fading quickly." Calypso explained. "I've got to complete this before he vanishes and winds up back here. I won't be able to make him human if I don't time the transformation right."

"What? What are you on about?"

Calypso sighed and shook his head. Roddy could REALLY try his patience at times, "I've got to transform him while he is IN the real world. The connection he has with that world over ours will be stronger, and he has to be almost drained of what magic is within him so the transformation won't be as painful."

"PAINFUL?!"

"Yes painful. Don't want him screaming and flailing about in the middle of the street for Limbo's sake. Those police people would come and everything would be ruined," Calypso calmly explained as if he had been transforming IFs into humans for years...which technically he had...just under a different set of circumstances...

Roddy looked at his boss completely dumbfounded, "You never said this would hurt him, Cal. The pain from being forgotten by a child is bad enough, but this sound horrid."

"Transformations always hurt. Be lucky this isn't a full banishment, having magic forcefully ripped out of an IF's body is nasty business. The pain is an unfortunate side effect, but there's not much I can do other than follow through with my plan and minimize the damage."

Roddy wasn't completely sure if he believed Calypso, and he sure as hell didn't want to find out first hand, "Alright, if you say so Cal. So how soon are we talking about here?"

"Soon enough Rod, soon enough."

* * *

Lizzy had a pleasant time with Janie, and the shopping spree really felt invigorating. She was quite tired by the time she got home, and she barely made it in through her front door when she heard her phone ring. She dropped her shopping bags and ran to the phone, "Hello?"

"Hi Lizzy! It's Mickey. Say, will you be able to watch Natalie tomorrow?" Mickey asked.

"Of course! Wait," she said, "Is it just for tomorrow? I thought I was watching her the rest of the week?" Lizzy was confused and she didn't like the sound of where this conversation was going.

"Well I might have lucked out with other arrangements. But we can talk tomorrow OK? Gotta run, bye!"

"Um OK, see you and Natalie tomorrow then." Lizzy said. She hung up the phone and began to immediately panic. If she wasn't going to be babysitting Natalie, then being around Fred wouldn't even be an option. 'There's just no way this is happening. It's not fair!' she thought to herself.

* * *

The next morning, Lizzy woke up to find bags under her eyes. Sleep had not come easily, as she was wrought with worry. She sincerely hoped that she could talk Mickey into letting her babysit for awhile longer. She started to formulate a speech in her head about how well-behaved Natalie was and that they had become very close. If nothing else, she'd force herself to start flirting with Mickey so she could be with Fred just a little while longer.

She hated the idea leading him on, but her options were fading fast. She had to try and make contact with Fred, and tell him how she felt about him, and she had to do it quickly. "Come on Lizzy, time to get out of bed and face the inevitable," she said aloud, hoping that the pep talk would force her body to crawl out of bed.

* * *

At the Bunce house, Fred wasn't fairing any better than Lizzy. After Mickey had introduced himself, he had somehow talked that woman and her daughter to come over for dinner last night. Natalie had ignored Fred's comments and ideas for games all evening as she spent the entire time playing with her new friend April. Fred soon gave up trying to talk to Natalie, so he chose to sit moodily in the corner of Natalie's room until it was the little girl's bedtime.

As soon as Mickey tucked in Natalie for the night, Fred crawled out of the corner and sat on the bed next to her, "Fart Face, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can Fred." Natalie answered opening her eyes. "Where have you been?"

"Where have I been? I've been here the entire time! Didn't you hear me talking to you all evening?"

"No," Natalie said with a innocent look on her face, "Were you playing hide and seek?"

Fred gave Natalie a weak smile, "Yeah Fart Face, I was playing hide and seek." The realization that Natalie hadn't ignored him on purpose, but rather forgot that he was there was impossible for him to believe. Nonetheless, it had happened, which meant Natalie was close to being ready not to need him anymore.

"Say Fred, before you hid from us, did you like April? She doesn't have any friends either, like me. Do you think we could all be friends together?"

"I think she's great Natalie. You two are going to be a great friends."

"Hey! Why'd you call me by my real name? Why aren't you calling me Fart Face?"

"Just felt like changing things up a bit is all. You're still a Fart Face." Fred said as he reached across the bed to tickle her ribs.

Natalie let out a series of small giggles as she tried to ward off the tickle attack. "So can me, you and April all play together tomorrow? We can play Treasure Hunters like you wanted to!"

Fred stopped his assault on her ribs and gave the little girl another sad smile, "I guess, but April won't be able to see me. You understand right?"

Natalie stuck her lower lip out in a pout, "Why not?"

"Because I'm your imaginary friend, not hers."

"Oh! Then we can we do it like we play with Lizzy! You know, with me telling her the stuff you're saying and doing?"

Fred had to force himself to keep up his strained smile, "Not this time I'm afraid. I'm so sorry Natalie," he said as he brushed a strand of hair away from the little girl's face. "There's going to be a time where you don't need me anymore, and I think that time is getting awfully close."

"You're going to leave me?"

"Well, not exactly. But when you don't need me anymore, I'll disappear."

"But Fred! You're my bestest friend! I need you!" Natalie argued back.

Fred smiled and patted the little girl on the head, "I believe you Fart Face. Now go to sleep."

Once Natalie had drifted away into dreamland, Fred felt another large pain in his stomach. He could feel his magic steadily leaving his body, and he silently prayed that there would be enough to last him until morning. He had to say his final goodbye to Lizzy, no matter how much it hurt.

He huddled in the corner all night, gradually feeling weaker and weaker. When daylight finally broke, he breathed a sigh of relief realizing that he would at least get to see his Elizabeth one last time before he was gone for good. His mind drifted off, and he fell asleep with the image of Lizzy's smiling face firmly emblazoned in his mind.

* * *

"Good morning Lizzy!" Mickey said, beaming as he held the door open for her to walk in. "How was your day off from us?"

"Oh, you know...fine.", Lizzy said as she gave Mickey a smile. "Mickey, um...listen..."

"Oh hey! I forgot to tell you! We've got new neighbors! And Natalie has probably got a new little best friend in the making!" Mickey chirped happily. "Her name is April, and her and mother, Cassandra, just moved in across the street! In fact, I wanted to ask you something real quick, would you mind terribly if April came over to play with Natalie later on?"

"Um...what?" Lizzy sputtered as she tried to digest the overwhelming amount of information. "Uh sure...but um...about the rest of the week-"

"Oh yeah! Cassandra said that she would be willing to keep an eye on Natalie until we both find a permanent babysitter for the girls," Mickey explained. "I know you are still out looking for court reporting jobs, and I don't want to hinder you from finding something that is tangible."

"It's not a problem Mickey, I mean, I enjoy watching Natalie..."

"Oh I know, and Natalie loves having you as a babysitter. Seriously, you've done wonders with her. I haven't seen her so well-behaved in months, and that's WITH having a deranged imaginary friend."

"Um...well yeah...but-"

"Shit, look at the time! I'm gonna be late," Mickey said glancing up at the clock by the door, "April will probably be around mid-morning. You're going to love her! Her and Natalie get along as if they've known each other all their lives, and I promise you they will both behave." Mickey gave Lizzy a quick smile before running out the door, "See you later!"

Lizzy watched him run out to his truck and saw a woman come out of the house across the street. She called to Mickey and gave him a wave, and Mickey waved back quite enthusiastically. Lizzy stared out the screen door and felt her heart drop into her stomach.

She immediately knew she was no match for the leggy blonde across the street. It was like the situation with Charles and Annabella all over again, minus the fact that she wasn't married to Mickey. The idea of he cozying up to Mickey to be able to stay close to Fred was now completely crushed, and her ego also took a small hit as well. He was dead set on trying to kiss her just over 24 hours ago, and now the look on his face as he waved to the new neighbor easily showed how smitten he was.

She heard a noise behind her and turned around to find Natalie standing in her pajamas, "Hi Lizzy! Can I have some cereal?"

"Sure sweetie," Lizzy said, grateful for the distraction from watching the scene going on outside, "How about a bowl of Cheerios?"

* * *

Fred jerked his head up and realized he had fallen asleep. He suppressed the urge to panic as he pulled himself up from the floor. He felt drained and tired, and he began to worry if he would even have the strength to make it downstairs.

He glanced over to Natalie's bed and was surprised that he didn't find the little girl beneath the covers. "Damn, how long was I out? She must be downstairs already," he said to himself. Another sharp pang hit him again in the stomach, and he let out a gasp, "What in the hell? WHY does it hurt so damn much? Fartface isn't slipping her the evil green pills, so what in the fuck is going on?"

"You're being forgotten," a voice said behind him."Tends to have the same effect. However, I do believe this is the first time you've been actually forgotten by a charge."

"Piss off Calypso, I'm not in the mood," Fred growled, "And for you information, Lizzy was being forced to forget about me too, so I know what it feels like."

"This is different, Natalie is choosing to forget about you."

Fred's look of bewilderment looked something akin to being slapped viscously across the face, "Do what? I thought she did it accidentally. You know, with meeting a new friend and all."

"Fred, you've always known when it's time to leave a child, it's a certain gift you have. Not all IFs have that kind of intuition." Calypso gently explained. "It's actually why Roddy quit taking cases. He always overstayed his welcome, and the pain from being forgotten just finally got too much for him."

Fred bowed his head as Calypso's reality check sunk in, as he knew deep down Natalie would be OK. He knew it last night, but his stubbornness wouldn't let him leave.

"Which actually brings me to my next question Fred, WHY didn't you listen to your intuition this time?" Calypso slyly asked.

Fred simply shook his head and gave Calypso a desperate look, "You know why," he said quietly.

The doorbell suddenly rang, signaling Natalie's new friend's arrival. They both could hear the little girl squeal with glee and shuffling of socked feet running across the hardwood floor. Fred felt another devastating sharp pain hit him so hard that he doubled over and sank to the floor.

Calypso walked over and offered his hand to Fred, "Come on, you still have one last person to say goodbye to. Don't let all this suffering you're putting yourself through be in vain."

* * *

Lizzy sat out on the front porch while she watched the girls jump on the trampoline. Mickey was right, the girls got along so well that a passerby could have easily mistaken them for sisters. Lizzy felt tears spring up again, but there was no way she could stop them this time. She was just too tired and too emotionally worn down from the entire situation to have the presence of mind to stop the tears.

The morning's events had left her completely gutted. She knew that if Natalie had finally found a new friend, there would no longer be any need for Fred. And if there wasn't any need for Fred, he simply wouldn't exist. This was worse than finding out she would no longer be needed for babysitting. He would be completely gone from her life, and the thought of being without him was tearing her heart apart.

She wept silently while trying to hide her face from the world, "Fred...Fred please...are you here?" she quietly whispered behind her hands, "Please Fred, if you can hear me...please...please don't leave me."

* * *

Fred and Calypso barely made it to the front porch in time to hear Lizzy's tear-filled plea. Calypso helped Fred over to where Lizzy was sitting and slowly eased him down to where Fred could sit at Lizzy's feet. "I'll let you have your privacy, but remember, time is short."

Fred silently nodded his head, "Thank you Cal," he said quietly, "I'm sure you'll come for me when I'm out of time."

Calypso gave Fred a quick pat on the back before walking over to the trampoline to watch the girls bounce. Fred looked up at Lizzy and began to speak, "Lizzy, I've failed. I've failed you miserably," he said as his own tears began to fall. "I don't have much time, but I've got something important to tell you," he said as he gently put his hand on her knee.

Lizzy's senses picked the 'something' again, and she immediately knew Fred was close. A warm, comforting sensation flowed through her body, and her eyes began to dart around searching for any sign of his presence, "Fred?" she whispered, "Fred please...talk to me..."

"I'm here, I'm right here in front of you. Please Elizabeth, listen to me," Fred said as he stared at her tear-stained face. "You're such a beautiful person, and I want nothing more than to see you happy. But, I've managed to completely bugger that up as well. I couldn't reach you in time, and what's worse, I ruined your chance at happiness with Mickey as well. I don't deserve you or your love."

Lizzy eyes finally focused straight ahead, and Fred stared into their brown depths as he continued to pour his heart out. "Lizzy...I...I love you. I love YOU," he said with conviction in his voice. "I love you so much, that...that it scares me. I've never felt like this before, and even though you'll never see me and hear me again...even though the pain I'm feeling right now is crippling...I'd do it all again. I have no regrets and no doubt that my mind that my heart will always belong to you."

He pushed himself up close to Lizzy's face and gently reached out to trace the wet path her tears had left on her cheek. "I love you, Elizabeth Cronin...more than anyting." he whispered.

Lizzy was still staring at nothing but air, but she could have sworn she had heard his voice, like a soft whisper being carried in on a breeze. She let out a small gasp, "Fred...oh Fred...I love you so much." Tears began to flow once again from her eyes as the sobs began to wrack her body,

Fred couldn't believe his ears. He knew he had finally gotten through to her, and now his time was up. He felt another violent pang in his stomach and he let out a pained cry.

Calypso was immediately beside him once again helping him up off the floor. "Come Fred, it's time."

Fred took one last look at his Snotface, His Lizzy, his Elizabeth, his love. His soul was crushed to see her crying so hard with no one around to console her. It was just too much,and he was finally done with feeling nothing but absolute hopelessness. "Banish me," he croaked out.

Calypso steadied him on he feet before giving a slightly crooked smile, "Do what now?"

"You heard me you bastard, banish me. I can't fucking leave her like this," Fred repeated as he wiped hie eyes with the back of his hands. "Do it. I've ruined her chances of being with Mickey, Bastard Charles is out of the picture, so now she's got no one. She may not be scared to be alone, but...but I am. I'm scared for her. Look at her for fuck's sake. She's a mess, I'm a mess, and I can't do this anymore."

Calypso gave Fred a smirk and grabbed Fred's arm, "Hang on tight. We're going for a ride," he said as he teleported himself and Fred away from the porch.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Don't own...never did...

Told you guys that I'd get this chapter done quickly...I hope this is well worth the wait!

* * *

Calypso and Fred didn't go far. In fact, they just teleported into the Bunce's backyard. Fred looked around and was definitely not amused. "What the fuck Cal? I thought you said we were going for a ride?"

"We are!" Calypso said happily, "Here, put this on," he said as he threw something green at Fred's face.

"What? What is this?" Fred asked as he pulled the green cloth from his face.

"I believe it's called a shirt."

Fred unfolded the shirt and looked at it carefully. Calypso was right as it was a clean simple green, v-neck t-shirt, "Why in the hell do I need this?"

"Just put it on."

Fred gave Calypso a suspicious look as he shrugged off his jacket and his red suspenders, "Care to explain what in the hell is going on?" he asked as he pulled his dirty yellow shirt over his head.

"In due time, my boy. Now quick, change into these as well." Calypso said as he sent another garment flying in Fred's direction.

The pair of jeans hit Fred square in the face just as he pulled the green shirt over his head, "Dammit! Give me a minute!"

"Oh wait! Put these on first, then the pants." A pair of green boxers hit Fred in the chest.

"Wait wait WAIT! What the FUCK is going on?" Fred yelled.

"Fred, you are wearing underwear that is as old as this house. You've got to change those dammed things once in a while." Calypso said with smile.

"OI! Don't talk about my jockey shorts! And I'm not doing another dammed thing until you tell me what is going on!" Fred said with a huff.

"Fred, I'm being serious now," Calypso said putting an edge to his voice, "Put the damn clothes on NOW."

Fred looked at the boxers and jeans in his hands before giving Calypso a final glare, "Fine. But if I fall over because I can't keep my balance I'm blaming you. My magic is almost gone you know."

"I'm well aware your magic is almost gone and it's why we must hurry. You're not still in pain are you?"

Fred quickly dropped his trousers, "Turn around, I don't want you eyeballing my jewels." Calypso turned around while Fred made quick work of his old underwear, "And for your information, no, the pain is gone...surprisingly," he said as he yanked his new boxers up over his bottom. "Alright, you can turn around."

"Good. Here, you'll need these as well," Calypso said, not turning around but instead throwing a pair of socks over his shoulders. The socks landed on top of Fred's head as he was putting his legs in the jeans.

"Where in the hell did you find all this stuff?"

"Well, there were plenty of clothes to choose from a few houses down from here. Apparently someone felt like hanging their clothes outside for whatever reason. They were just out in the open for the taking, so I just got what you needed." Calypso explained as he finally turned around to check on Fred's progress.

Fred took the socks off his head and gave them a disgusted look as if the cleanliness of the white socks were offensive, "So you felt the need to give me a new wardrobe before we head back to Limbo?"

"Something like that. Here, you need some new shoes to go with those new threads," Calypso replied as he lobbed a pair of red Converse sneakers at Fred.

Fred had to duck Calypso's throw as he was still struggling to put on the socks. "Dammit quit that! And where did you get those? Don't tell me those were outside hanging up with the rest of someone's laundry."

"Actually no, I found those downtown hanging off of a power line. Humans most certainly have a weird affliction of hanging clothing and garments in peculiar places..."

Fred rolled his eyes and began to yank on the shoes, "Well, at least you managed to get my size right. Wait, how did you my sizes anyways?"

"You really have to ask?"

Fred rolled his eyes as he tied the laces on his new sneakers, "You're really are a twisted bastard...you know that right?"

"Yes...yes I do."

"What do I do with my old clothes?"

"Nothing", Calypso said as he snapped his fingers and Fred's old wardrobe immediately vanished. "Now, grab on to me, we're going on a real trip this time."

* * *

Lizzy splashed water in her face as she tried to calm herself down. She refused to let the girls see her in the state that she was in, as she knew that her appearance would certainly upset them. She dried her face and looked in the mirror. He eyes were still red-rimmed, but she looked much better than she had before she came in the house.

She heard the door open and close and knew the girls were done bouncing. Lizzy walked out of the bathroom to find only Natalie standing in the living room. "Where's April?"

"Her mom called her home for lunch," Natalie replied.

"Ahh ok. Are you hungry too?"

"A little."

Lizzy thought hard for a moment. She needed to get away from the house and all the sadness tied to it, if only for a few minutes, "Well how about a treat? Do you want to go to McDonalds?"

Natalie's face immediately lit up. "Oh PLEASE can we go? I want a Happy Meal!"

Lizzy smiled at Natalie, thankful that the little girl's happiness and excitement was contagious, "Sure, let's got out of here."

* * *

When Fred opened his eyes, he expected to see the misshaped city of Limbo, but instead he found himself on the corner of a busy intersection...and still very much in the real world.

"Calypso, where in the hell are we? Why aren't we back in Limbo?"

"Never mind that. I've got one last thing to give you," Calypso replied revealing a brown leather knapsack. "You going to need everything in this bag."

"What? Why?"

"Just take the dammed thing."

Fred took the bag and peered inside. The only thing it contained was a folder with some papers in it. He pulled the file out, opened it, and started to read the first page out loud, "'Fredrick Percy Prichard was born on...', Cal...who and what in the fuck is this?"

"That would be you my dear boy. That's your birth certificate."

"Fredrick Percy Prichard? What kind of fucking name is that? I sound like I'm a complete twat."

"I can change it if you like," Calypso said with a snap of his fingers. Fred watched the words on the page morph into something new, "'Fredrick Michael Thompson',...well that sounds a bit better..."

"Good, now if you keep looking-"

"Why is there a picture of baby feet on here?"

"They are supposed to be footprints...don't ask how I got them because the story is long and tiring," Calypso said with a sigh, "Just shut up and read."

"Alright, but what's this for?"

"Would you just look through the rest of the file?"

"Fine," Fred said as his attention went back to the file in his hands. He flipped past the birth certificate to find three small cards, two of which had his picture on it. "Oi, what's this?" he asked showing the cards to Calypso.

"It's a driver's license and a green card."

"But I don't know how to drive!"

"I know, and it's going to be amusing as hell to watch you learn."

"What's the green card for? Is it because my favorite color is green?"

Calypso sighed and slapped his hand to his forehead, "No Fred, it's not because your favorite color is green. You see, you've got a bit of an accent-"

"I have a what? Is that some sort of disease or something?"

"No, your voice has a bit of an accent." Calypso patiently explained, "Around here, you happen to sound little different than everyone else. It somewhat signifies that you were not born here in this part of the real world."

"Then where the hell was I born?"

"You really need to read that birth certificate..."

Fred scowled in response and chose to ignore Calypso's last statement. Instead, he inspected the last card, "What's this one with all the numbers on it?"

"It's called a social security card. That card in particular you need to protect at all costs. Apparently it's vital in identifying who you are."

"Calypso, I don't even know who I am."

"Well it's all there in the file-"

Fred's last bit of patience finally dissolved, "That's not what I mean! Why in the fuck are we not back in Limbo? Why am I dressed like this and WHY do I have this stupid folder? Dammit TELL ME!" he yelled.

"You're totally taking all the fun out of this for me. But fine, if you must know, you're not going back to Limbo."

"Then where in the hell am I going?"

"Technically you're not going anywhere, you're staying here in the real world."

Fred gave Calypso a blank look, "You're really going to banish me?" he asked with a slight bit of hopefulness in his voice.

"No. According to the rules, you've been granted a pass to become human."

"What do you mean 'rules'? We only got one rule and we both know what that entails."

"This one here," Calypso said pulling out the small leather-bound book and pointing to page.

Fred squinted his eyes to read the small handwriting, "'An imaginary friend can be granted a one-time transformation into a human if, and only if, the imaginary friend no longer has the ability to fulfill the duties required due to an romantic attachment to an adult human.'" Fred furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "How long has this been in place?"

"For about an hour. Kind of convenient eh?" Calypso said smugly.

Fred reread the rule, letting the words sink into his head. "This is for real, I mean, this isn't a joke right?"

"No joke."

"And you wrote this today?"

"Obviously."

"Can you do that?"

"Seriously?! Why in the hell is everyone asking me this?" Calypso said rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in the air. "I run Limbo and am in charge of all the IFs in the real world. If I want to write a rule, I bloody well can!" he said with annoyance.

"Well excuse me! It's just not everyday someone goes and writes a rule to make a lovesick bastard like me human!"

"Technically you're not a bastard. On the birth certificate it says you have a mum and dad-"

"You know what I mean dammit!"

"Yes yes, oh and by the way, if anyone asks your parents died tragically in a horrible boating accident when you were a child."

"Do what?"

"Details Fred, you need to remember this stuff."

"You killed my parents?"

"No you bloody idiot, it just makes things easier when other humans ask about your family." Calypso explained, "Oh, and you're an only child as well."

"So you're leaving me alone in the real world with NO ONE to claim me as family?"

Calypso shook his head and smiled, "My dear boy, you're not alone. Far from it in fact."

* * *

Lizzy and Natalie listened to the radio on the way to McDonalds. While Duran Duran sang about trying ti live in a ordinary world, Natalie studied Lizzy's face, "Are you OK?"

"Of course sweetie, why do you ask?"

"Because it looks like you've been crying," Natalie pointed out.

"Everything is fine, I'm just a little tired."

"Why?"

Lizzy thought about lying for a few moments but decided against it at the last second, "I just didn't sleep well last night." It wasn't technically a lie, but of course it wasn't the whole truth.

"Oh," Natalie replied, satisfied with the answer she received. Lizzy turned the corner and pulled into the McDonalds drive thru lane. Natalie became excited once again as Lizzy pulled up to the speaker box to place their order, "Can I have a cheeseburger Happy Meal?"

"Of course," Lizzy said smiling down at Natalie as the speaker box came to life.

"Welcome to McDonalds. Can I take your order?" it crackled out.

"Um yeah, can I get a cheeseburger Happy Meal and a number two?"

"What would you like to drink with those meals?"

"Milk and a Diet Coke please."

"That'll be $7.98. Please pull around."

* * *

"So, are you ready?" Calypso asked.

"Just give me a minute dammit. This is heavy stuff, I mean, I don't know if I'm ready for this to happen." Fred replied. He was excited and scared all at the same time, and the seriousness of the situation made his brain go into overdrive. "Is this a permanent transformation?"

Calypso's demeanor suddenly became serious, "Yes, this is permanent. You will not have any magic, nor will you be able to see other IFs if they happen to come into contact with you."

"So I'll never see you again as well?"

"Well I didn't say that," Calypso replied, easing back into a more relaxed attitude, "Seeing as how this isn't a banishment, I'm not just going to leave you to your own devices in trying to figure the real world out. I've actually become quite the human-watching enthusiast. I truly find them fascinating."

"So, that means I'll see you from time to time?"

"Of course," Calypso said with a smile, "Now Fred, I'll ask you again. Are you ready?"

Fred looked at Calypso and gave him the biggest smile he could express, "Yeah...I'm ready."

"Good. Now stand still, this is gonna hurt."

Fred furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Hurt? What are you- AHHHH!" he screamed as Calypso violently shoved him off of the sidewalk and into the street...directly in the path of an oncoming car.

* * *

Lizzy slammed on her brakes and threw her arm across Natalie's chest to keep the little girl in her seat. They had just left McDonalds and were on their way back to Mickey's house when a person just seemed to appear in the middle of the road. She wasn't quick enough to react defensively and swerve around, so she hoped that she would be able to brake before she actually made contact. When she felt the car hit the body and heard a cry of pain, she knew instantly that she wasn't going to be that lucky.

She slammed the car in park, "Natalie, are you OK?"

The little girl nodded in the affirmative, "What did we hit?"

"A person. I'm going to get out and check on them, so stay in the car and DON'T get out under any circumstances, understand?" Natalie nodded her head again, and Lizzy unbuckled her seatbelt to climb out.

She ran to the front of the car where the body lay. She saw a young man laying on his side sprawled out in the middle of the street...and he wasn't moving.

"Oh my God! Sir! Are you OK?" Lizzy yelled as she ran over to the man lying on the pavement. She rolled the him over onto his back and the first thing she noticed was how vibrantly orange his hair was. Her heart caught in her throat as she began to inspect the man's face. His eyes were closed, but Lizzy didn't need to see what color his eyes were to identify the man lying unconscious beneath her.

"Oh my God...Fr...Fred?"

The man's eyes slowly fluttered open, revealing brilliant blue orbs. He focused in on Lizzy's face and gave her a lazy smile, "Hello...Elizabeth."

* * *

Calypso stood on the sidewalk and watched the scene play out in front of him. "Hmmm, timed that just right. Damn I'm good." he said feeling quite accomplished. It wasn't every day he got to shove an IF out into the middle of traffic.

He picked up the folder that Fred had dropped, checked it's contents to make sure everything was still there and shoved it back into the knapsack. He kicked the bag over to where Fred was laying in the street, "Oi you ruddy human! Don't forget your rucksack!" Calypso said with a smile. "I'll be back to check on you later!" he said vanishing into thin air.

* * *

Fred blinked hard and squinted up at Lizzy. The sun seemed to be brighter, the sounds around him much louder, and most importantly, Lizzy looked more beautiful than ever before...even though she had a look that was a cross between bafflement and horror on her face.

"Um, care to help me up?" he innocently asked as Lizzy continued to stare at him in complete and utter shock.

Lizzy's brain finally registered that he was speaking to her, "Uh huh," she managed to say as she timidly held her hand out to help him. Fred gently took her hand and picked himself up off the pavement. As soon as he stood up, the pain of Lizzy hitting him with the car finally hit him. "OWWWWW, bloody hell woman!" He looked down at himself to inspect the damage to his human body. Luckily, his elbow only seemed to bleeding, "Next time you hit me with the car, can you not do it so dammed hard?"

Lizzy's brain was still vapor-locked in stupefied disbelief, "Uh huh..."

"What's wrong with you? Megabitch got your tongue?" Fred said playfully. As he bent over and picked up his knapsack, he noticed that a multitude of onlookers had stopped to watch the couple in the street. "Say Snotface, let's get out of here. People are staring."

Lizzy forced her eyes to tear away from Fred's face to look around. He was right, people were staring and whispering to one another. She noticed a police car further up the road at the next intersection, and she compelled her body to move. She realized she was still holding Fred's hand, so she started to pull him towards the car, "Come on, we need to go."

Fred willingly let her drag him to the car where he proceeded to climb into the back seat. Lizzy jumped in the front seat, threw the car into drive and sped off down the street. She checked the rear view mirror as she drove away to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. When her eyes connected with Fred's staring back at her in the mirror, she felt her heart skip a beat. He was here. For real. Granted she almost killed him with the car, but he was HERE.

Natalie turned around in her seat and looked at the man with the bright orange hair. She eyed him as if she recognized him from somewhere, "Haven't I seen you before?"

Fred smiled and winked at the little girl, "Forget me already Fart Face?"

Natalie's eyes widened as soon as she connected his voice with her nickname, "HI FRED! Hey Lizzy! Fred's in the backseat!"

"I know sweetie, I...I can see him."

Natalie let out an excited gasp, "Really? Hey Fred did you hear? Lizzy can see you!"

"I heard her," Fred said with a smile, "You can hear me as well, can't you Lizzy?"

"Yes...yes I can."

"Hey Fred! What happened to your clothes?" Natalie asked, "They're different!"

"What?" Fred looked down at his outfit, and he realized Calypso had actually done a decent job in dressing him like a human, "I think I look pretty sharp! Don't you think so?"

"Well yeah, but where did you get those clothes from?"

"They were a gift from a friend. Now turn around and sit properly in your seat before Lizzy runs over someone else," Fred teased.

"OK Fred," Natalie said as she turned back around in her seat. "Lizzy, are we going to bring Fred back to my house so we can play Treasure Hunters?"

"Uhhh...you know...let's go to my apartment instead."

"Why? Me, you, Fred and April can all play together if we go to my house."

"That sounds like fun, but I don't think your dad would be too happy to find Fred at your house." Lizzy replied.

"Oh yeah, forgot about that. Well that's OK. We can play at your house right?"

Lizzy grinned, "Sure sweetie...we can play at my house. All three of us."

* * *

Lizzy let Natalie and Fred into her apartment and firmly closed the door and locked it behind her. Fred wandered into the living room and looked around, "The apartment looks so much better without Charles's crap cluttering up the place," he said dropping his knapsack next to the fireplace.

"Who's Charles?" Natalie asked as she plopped down on the couch.

"I'll tell you later," Lizzy said. She followed them into the living room and took a long hard look at Fred, "Um...are you OK? I mean, I just hit you with a car..."

Fred turned around and grinned at Lizzy, "I'm alright. I think my elbow is scraped up a bit, but other than that I'm fine...well, at least I think I am."

Lizzy walked over and inspected his elbow. It was skinned pretty bad, and she noticed that there was road grime mixed in with the blood that was already trying to scab over, "Natalie, why don't you sit at the kitchen table and start eating your cheeseburger. I'm going to get Fred a bandaid."

"OK Lizzy," Natalie said as she jumped off the couch to go fetch her Happy Meal. Fred patted the little girl on the head as she ran by him. "You'd better hurry up and eat, or I'm going to over there and gobble everything up! I haven't eaten in...well...ever..."

Natalie giggled as she scrambled into a chair at the table, "Come on Fred! I'll share my fries with you. But you gotta promise not to eat them all!" she said as she held her pinky out.

Fred let out a laugh as he sat next to Natalie took her pinky finger with his own, "All right, I promise."

* * *

Lizzy went into the bathroom and began to search for the bandaids. A million thoughts were running through her head as she tried to concentrate on the task at hand. 'How in the hell is Fred here..and real?', she thought to herself. Just a few hours ago, her heart was completely broken over the fact that she had thought she lost him permanently, and now here he was standing in her apartment just as real as she was. Happiness bubbled up from her chest and into her throat, and she gave a small giggle. She wanted desperately to run into his arms, cry his name and kiss his lips into oblivion, but she knew she had to restrain herself for Natalie's sake. Plus she had to take care of Fred's injured elbow first.

She frantically rummaged around in the drawers, trying to find the elusive box of bandaids, "Come on, I know they're here somewhere...YES!" she said to herself as she held up the box in triumph. "Ok...um...peroxide...medicine cabinet I think," she said as she opened the medicine cabinet on the wall over the sink. Lizzy's eyes immediately spotted the bottle and she grabbed it. As she closed the door on the cabinet, she let out a startled gasp when she saw Fred's reflection in the door's mirror standing behind her, "Fred! Oh my God you scared me!"

"Sorry," Fred said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head out of nervousness. "You've been gone for about five minutes, so I thought you might have needed some help."

"No no, I was just...um...um..." Lizzy paused and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, gosh it's just that...you're here. I mean, you're REALLY...um...real."

Fred started to fidget as his nervousness began to surface, perhaps he had made the wrong choice in becoming human after all, "Are you upset that I'm here?"

"NO! Oh God no Fred, it's just...it's just...hard to believe that you...you know..."

"That I'm human?"

"No...well yes...but, I thought I lost you forever," Lizzy said as she came dangerously close to crying again.

Fred let out a sigh of relief and gave Lizzy a crooked smile, "I chose to come back for only one reason Elizabeth," he said as slowly walked to where she was standing, "You."

Lizzy's eyes widened, "Me?"

"Yes you, you're the only reason why I'm standing here." he replied, finally giving Lizzy a full smile, "Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Close your eyes."

Lizzy gave him a wary look, "Why?"

"I have something to give you."

Lizzy nodded and slowly closed her eyes as her feet were frozen to the floor. Her breathing quickened, and her stomach was fluttering in anticipation of whatever he had planned. While she hoped that he would kiss her, she couldn't help but think that at the last second he would pull some sort of prank.

Fortunately for Lizzy, pranking was the last thing on Fred's mind. He stepped forward even closer, bringing his face within centimeters to hers. "I love you," he whispered as he closed the distance between them and softly pressed his lips against hers.

A wave of emotions crashed over Lizzy as Fred's kiss seemed to burn her lips. She dropped the bandaids and the peroxide to the floor, and began to enthusiastically kiss him back. Her arms wrapped around him, and Fred took that as a good sign as he deepened the kiss, desperately wanting more from Lizzy. His hands found their way to the small of her back and he pulled her completely against his body, allowing himself to absorb her heat and feel the electricity of their kiss take over any rational thoughts in his head.

They were both breathless when the kiss finally ended, as the tension between Lizzy and Fred had finally dissolved. Lizzy looked deep into Fred's eyes, and for a moment he felt as if she were staring into the deepest part of his soul, "I love you too Fred."

"OOOOOOO! Lizzy and Fred, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" a voice sang loudly behind them.

Fred and Lizzy immediately broke apart and stood awkwardly in front of the little girl. The two adults stood there sheepishly, as getting caught and teased by a six-year-old was kind of embarrassing...

"Um...we were just looking for the bandaids sweetie," Lizzy started to explain as she quickly picked up the box of bandaids and peroxide from the floor, "See?"

"Yeah but you're were kissing! I saw you!"

"Yeah yeah, you busted us," Fred said sticking his tongue out, "Are you done eating?"

"No, but you both disappeared! I thought you were playing hide and seek!"

"Well," Fred said giving Natalie a mischievous smile, "Since you're standing in here...that means your fries are all by their lonesome..."

Natalie's eyes widened, "You'd better not Fred! Those are MY fries!"

"Not if I get them first Fart Face!" Fred yelled as he ran out of the bathroom.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE!" Natalie yelled back chasing him into the kitchen.

Lizzie stood in the bathroom with a goofy smile on her face. What started out as a completely shitty day had turned into the best day of her life. She could hear Natalie chasing Fred around the kitchen table, laughing and having a great time playing with her friend...her real friend named Fred.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters here...except Calypso and Roddy...and I'm putting those two troublemakers up for adoption :P

Special shout-out to Zombierose3 for the awesome job in taking the time to beta this chapter. Without her...it would have been epic shit... :D

And once again, thank you everyone for the reviews! It inspires me to continue! Thank you so much for hanging in here with me!

**NEW WARNING:** THIS STORY'S RATING WILL BE CHANGING TO M AFTER THIS CHAPTER (to be quite honest it should be rated M now...but I digress). ADULT THEMES ARE NOW AFOOT!

* * *

Calypso strode into his office with a huge smile on his face, "Well it's done Roddy!" he exclaimed as he plopped down in his chair, "He's officially a full-fledged human." He swung his feet onto the desk and leaned back looking highly pleased with himself.

Roddy looked up from his file and gave him an even stare, "Really," he said, "Pray tell Cal, HOW exactly did you make him real?"

Calypso swung his feet down and replaced them with clasped hands and elbows firmly planted on his desk, "Well you see, I had to put together some high-level magic-"

"Bollocks. Try again." Roddy deadpanned.

Calypso raised an eyebrow "Um...It's quite complicated actually, there were a lot of incantations-"

"More bollocks." Roddy interjected again.

The corner of Calypso's mouth began to twitch, "Um...I had to wave my hand around in a certain pattern?"

"YOU PUSHED HIM IN FRONT OF A MOVING VEHICLE!" Roddy bellowed.

Calypso blinked. "No I didn't."

Roddy looked at him as if he'd spontaneously grown a pair of knockers on top of his head. "Yes...you did."

"No I didn't." Calypso said innocently.

"Yes. You. Did."

"How do you know? You weren't there."

Roddy calmly stood up and walked over to Calypso's magic window. He yanked on the shade cord which responded by rolling up violently to reveal the incident that happened in the street just earlier. Roddy crossed his arms in front of his chest while tapping his foot on the floor as he wordlessly stared at his boss.

Calypso gave a small pout, "I really need to consider putting a lock on that thing."

"You said you'd minimize the damage...does THAT-" Roddy pointed to the window as the scene replayed right at the moment Fred was struck by Lizzy's car, "Look 'minimized' to you?"

"Depends. What's your definition of 'minimized'?"

"Seriously?!"

"What? He's alive." Calypso shrugged as he snapped his fingers. The window switched to Fred, Lizzy, and Natalie sitting around Lizzy's kitchen table, "See?"

"You're fucking incredible..." Roddy snorted.

"Why thank you-"

"That wasn't a compliment!" Roddy exclaimed, "I already feel bad for the next poor sod who has to go through this. What are you gonna do next time? Throw 'em in front of a bus?"

"Only if it's Butterbutt Bradley, he's a big bloke, probably would take a bus now that I think about it..." Calypso said tapping his finger to his lips as he entertained the thought.

"Dammit Cal!" Roddy yelled as his patience was finally spent on trying to deal with Calypso's lunacy, "You could have killed him!"

Calypso rolled his eyes, "You're over-reacting. It took his mind off the fact that the last of his magic was fixing to leave his body. He didn't even notice! He was too busy being hit by a car!" he said with an exaggerated wave of his hand.

"So that was your plan? To just throw him into traffic?"

"Hey, I didn't throw him. I pushed him...with impeccable timing," Calypso said with a smug smile on his face. Roddy gave him another stern look and he rolled his eyes again, "At least I gave him a warning before I did it."

"Yeah, a whole TWO SECONDS before you pushed him." Roddy snorted.

"What can I say? I was pressed for time," Calypso replied. Roddy still didn't look convinced and he let out an exasperated sigh, "He'll be fine. See, he's already eating food and looking well."

Roddy turned to stare out the window and saw Fred entertaining the girls by shoving french fries up his nose, "So that's it, you're just going to pass him off onto that Elizabeth woman for her to deal with?" Roddy asked.

"Of course not! I plan on visiting him regularly. He's going to need all the help he can get adjusting to the real world." Calypso said giving Roddy a reassuring smile, "Don't worry mate, I plan on looking after him for quite some time."

* * *

Lizzy stared at Fred as he munched on her Big Mac, the obvious question gnawing at her curiosity, "Fred, how did you become...you know..."

"Human?" he asked as he swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Um yeah, I mean...why couldn't you...um...transform...until now?" Lizzy said, trying hard to wrap her mind around Fred's situation.

"Well," Fred started to explain, "A imaginary friend can become real, however, it is generally through banishment."

"What does banishment mean?" Natalie asked as she nibbled on a french fry.

"It means a person isn't allowed to go back to a place where they want to go," Lizzy explained before she turned her attention back to Fred, "So you're banished?"

"No, you can only get banished if you break the most important rule," Fred replied, "An imaginary friend absolutely cannot hurt a child under any circumstances. If they do, they are immediately banished from Limbo." His face became very serious, "I saw it happen once. It was horrid, was something that kind of stays with you, you know?"

Lizzy gave Fred a nod, "But you didn't hurt a child, or...or did you?" Lizzy asked.

"Of course not! Natalie was my last assignment, and look, she's still in one piece!" he said giving the little girl a wink. Natalie nodded in agreement and gave Lizzy a thumbs up.

"Then how-"

"A rule was made, quite recently I might add, that allowed me to become real." Fred explained, "So here I am."

"But Fred," Lizzy said with concern growing in her voice, "There's a lot to being a human."

"Oh I know, but Calypso said he'd help me. He already gave me some papers to help with that."

"Calypso? Papers? What are you talking about?"

Fred stood up and went to retrieve his knapsack, "He gave me a folder with some cards and a certificate of some sort. Got my name on it and everything," he said pulling out the file and handing it to Lizzy.

She opened the file to find his birth certificate staring her in the face "'Fredrick Michael Thompson'...that's your real name?"

"Well it is now. You should have heard the name Cal gave me at first. I sounded like a complete twat."

"What's a twat?" Natalie asked.

"Fred!" Lizzy exclaimed giving him an incredulous look.

"What?" Fred said confused. Lizzy nodded her head in Natalie's direction.

He continued to give Lizzy a confused look as a light bulb went off in his head. He forgot about needing to be careful about what he said around small children. Especially small children who would more than likely repeat what he said in inappropriate situations, "Ohhhhh! Sorry!" Fred smacked himself in the head before addressing the youngest member in the room. "Now Natalie, don't EVER say that word...um...well you can I suppose, I can't really stop you now can I..." he wondered out loud. He snapped his fingers as he came up with a different answer, "At least don't say it until your older."

"Like when I'm ten?"

Fred cocked his head to the side as he thought about her response for a moment before nodding his head, "Sounds fair."

Lizzy closed her eyes and groaned. Getting Fred to act and speak in a socially acceptable manner was going to be a nightmare. She shook her head and went back to reading the birth certificate, "You have parents?"

"Erm...no. I was told they died in a terrible boating accident when I was a child...or at least that's what I'm supposed to say," Fred replied.

Lizzy gave him another confused look before moving on to his other forms of identification. "Why do you have a driver's license?"

"I don't know," Fred shrugged, "I've never driven before, so I suppose you'll teach me, right?"

"Oh God, THAT'S going to be fun," Lizzy muttered, avoiding his question. She looked at the last two cards, "You have a green card AND a social security card?"

"Yeah, Calypso says I have an azzscent."

"What's an azzscent?" Natalie asked again.

"I think he means 'accent' sweetie." Lizzy replied.

"Yeah that. It's not a disease is it? Cal said it wasn't, but he's a shady bast-...erm...person.," Fred said. He looked at Lizzy and mouthed, "Better?"

Lizzy smiled and gave him a nod, "No, it's just a particular way that you talk. I promise that you don't have a disease." She looked at all the information in front of her and shook her head in disbelief, "How did you, or well, how did Calypso get all of this?"

"He didn't say. Why? Is there something wrong with those papers?" Fred asked as a look of worry crossed his face.

"No, I mean, everything here looks in order," Lizzy said impressed. She checked her watch and realized her and Natalie had been gone for quite some time. "So, um, 'Fredrick'," Lizzy said trying out Fred's full name, "Do you mind staying here while Natalie and I go back to her house? We need to get back before Mickey comes home."

Fred scowled, "It's 'Fred', Snotface, and I suppose I'll have to. I've got no where else to go."

"Well no you don't..." Lizzy trailed off just as a thought happened to cross her mind. She picked up his driver's license and read the address on it, "Fred, WHY does your driver's license have my address on it?"

"Does it?" Fred asked leaning over to inspect the license, "So what does that mean?"

"It means you...um...live here," Lizzy said.

"Well that's greaaaat! Convenient eh?" Fred replied giving Lizzy a huge smile and a nudge on the shoulder.

"How in the hell do you know my address?"

"Errr...I don't actually," Fred replied as he scratched the back of his head, "You'll have to ask Calypso how he knows. He's the one who came up with all this stuff."

"Who's Calypso?" Natalie interjected again.

"Yeah, who is this Calypso? He certainly seems to know a lot about people and the real world," Lizzy commented.

"He's in charge of Limbo," Fred replied. In return, he was met with two confused looks from the girls at the table. He sighed and rolled his eyes, "It's where all imaginary friends go when they don't have a child to be friends with. Calypso runs the place and takes care of all IFs."

"And he's the one who made you real?" Lizzy asked.

"More like he's the one who tried to kill me. He shoved me off the sidewalk and then you hit me with the car."

"Do what?! He's the reason why you were in the street?" Lizzy said as she started to get upset. "Fred, you could have died if I had been going faster!"

"HA! You can't kill me, I'm Drop De-...erm...I mean...I'm Fredrick Michael...um...damn." Fred faltered as he ran his hand through his hair as if the action would jostle his memory, "Say um, what's that certificate say my last name is again?"

Lizzy gave him an amused look as she moved the piece of paper away from Fred's line of vision, "Thompson."

"Right!" he said snapping his fingers, "Thompson! I knew that."

Lizzy and Natalie giggled at Fred's forgetfulness. The happiness was short-lived however when another thought creeped into Lizzy's mind, "Fred, are you going to disappear? I mean, this isn't going to last for just a small amount of time is it?"

Fred became serious once more, "I can't go back. This is...this is permanent." He gave Lizzy a worried look, "Is that going to be a problem?"

Lizzy let out a relieved sigh, "No, of course it's not going to be a problem. I'm really happy that you're here."

"Yeah me too!" Natalie quipped before turning to Lizzy, "But it's not fair that he can't come with us to my house. He's my friend too!"

"Maybe he can later sweetie, but for now we really need to get you home," Lizzy said as she stood up from the table. "Now Fred, you might want to stay inside until I get back."

"Again, where would I go? I don't know anyone but you and Fart Face here," Fred said gesturing to Natalie, "It's not like I'm going to go out for a stroll. Besides, there's plenty to do around here!"

A look of panic sprung up on Lizzy's face, "OK wait, we're going go over a few rules. First, you are not allowed to touch the stove, the oven, and the microwave."

"Hold on," Fred said holding his hand up, "Does that mean I can't touch them all at once, or one at a time?"

"You can't touch them at ALL," Lizzy said firmly, "And you can't play with the fish."

"Why not? They haven't been out of that tank in forever! I bet they'd love to run around the apartment and play hide and seek and the like!" Fred argued.

"But Fred, they'll die without water!" Natalie yelled.

"Well fine then, we'll just fill up the apartment with water! Problem solved!"

"NEW RULE!" Lizzy yelled over him, "You can't touch or turn on ANY faucets either."

Fred let out a disgusted sigh, "Great, I'll just sit here and be BORED then."

"Just watch some tv until I get back," Lizzy said tossing him the remote while grabbing her purse, "It's actually almost time for Mickey to get home, so I won't be long." She reached up to give him a soft kiss on his cheek, "If you behave, and I'll give you a surprise when I get home," she whispered in his ear.

Fred's face immediately went red as he reached up to touch the spot Lizzy's lips had been, "Um, right then...I'll be here...behaving..."

"Bye Fred!" Natalie said as she ran up to him and gave him hug. She turned around to follow Lizzy out the door, "Hey Lizzy, what surprise are you gonna give Fred?"

Lizzy's face went beet-red, embarrassed that she was again caught by the little girl, "Um, let's just hurry up and get to your house before your dad beats us there..."

* * *

Luckily, Lizzy and Natalie made it back just before Mickey got home. The girls made a quick pact not to tell Natalie's father about Fred, and Lizzy promised Natalie that she would see if Natalie could spend some time over at Lizzy's apartment this weekend. She even offered for Natalie to bring her new friend April, which made the little girl twice as excited as before.

"I hope Daddy let's me visit!" Natalie said bouncing up and down in the hallway.

"As long as we keep Fred being real a secret for now, I doubt it will be a problem. Promise?" Lizzy asked as she held her pinky out. Natalie took it with her own and they shook on it.

When Mickey showed up, Lizzy met him at the door, "I gotta run Mickey, I've um...got an appointment I'm going to be late for. I'll call you tomorrow!" she yelled as she ran to her car. 'Whew, that went smoother than expected,' she thought to herself.

Mickey stared at Lizzy as she zoomed off down the street, "Wonder what that's all about," he said to himself shaking his head. Lizzy Cronin was still as crazy as the day he met her...

* * *

She raced home as fast as she could, but during the drive an iota of doubt began to creep into Lizzy's mind. What if this was all some sort of weird dream? She could possibly be racing home to an empty apartment, and the idea started to make her nauseous. There was no way she would be able to handle the heartbreak. She stepped on the gas pedal and prayed that she wouldn't be pulled over in the process.

She tried to concentrate on the road, but her thoughts kept returning to the man she had left in her living room. He looked so different in his new clothes, it had really thrown her for a loop to see him dressed normally. Her mind went on to how his jeans fit him just perfectly, and how the t-shirt hung on off of his wiry frame. She wasn't even aware how lithe he was, as she had always seen him in his horribly clashing green striped jackets. The red sneakers had really completed the entire ensemble, transforming him from an oddity to a charming young man with sparking blue eyes, shocking orange hair, and a boyish smile that made him VERY good looking.

Lizzy's mental drooling at the image of Fred caused her to run a red light, and in turn almost caused a dump truck to side-swipe her vehicle. The near-accident startled her enough to snap her out of her daydream. "This is so unhealthy..." Lizzy muttered as she tried to collect herself, "I'm day dreaming about...about someone who might not possibly be at my apartment...or he might be...Jeez what am I doing?"

She let out a large sigh as she rounded the corner finally turning onto her street. She actually took a look at her surroundings, almost expecting to see a fire truck or a police car to be parked in front of her apartment due to some craziness Fred may have pulled in her absence. When no emergency vehicles could be spotted, her mind immediately traveled back to her original theory that everything she had been through today was just a horrible dream to tease her sanity.

She couldn't help but begin to slightly panic as she parked her car. 'Please be there, please be there...' she mentally chanted to herself. She took the steps two at a time up to her apartment, and by the time she reached the front door her nerves had caused her to drop her keys right as she was trying to undo the lock. She swore, retrieved the keys and tried once again to make her hands work the lock.

She struggled to get the door open, and when the lock finally turned she barreled through the entrance. Fred had heard the commotion and jumped up from the couch where he had obediently been sitting and watching tv. "Elizabeth?" He noticed the stressed look on her face and he immediately began to worry. "What's wrong?"

Lizzy's look of panic immediately disappeared when she saw the love of her life still standing in the living room. She immediately began to tear up for what felt the millionth time that day, "I...um...I just wasn't sure if this was all just a dream or-" She stopped herself in mid-sentence. All of her fears just seemed ridiculous now that she was finally alone with Fred.

"Elizabeth, I told you. I'm not going anywhere," Fred said quietly as he moved to where she was standing in the hallway. He saw Lizzy's tears begin to fall and knew she needed him more than she ever had before, even when he was imaginary. "Come here," he softly whispered holding his arms out.

She flung herself into his embrace without a second thought, "I'm so sorry Fred," she sobbed into his chest, "I don't know why I'm so emotional over this."

"I'm beginning to think you're taking this whole situation a lot harder than I am," he said with a smile in his voice, "I told you, this was permanent. I'm not going anywhere unless you do...well...minus this last time when you went to Mickey's house..."

Lizzy let out a laugh between sobs, "I promise, I'll take you with me from now on. No matter what."

Fred loosened his hold on Lizzy so he could pull back and look Lizzy in the eye. "I believe you. Now, I behaved as you told me to...so, I think I've earned this 'surprise' you promised me, whatever it may be," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her lips firmly.

Lizzy's mind quickly changed gears as she concentrated solely on the man in front of her. Fred was doing his best to kiss away her doubts and fears, and he felt that he was doing a pretty damn good job of it. Lizzy began to feel a warmth spread through her chest, and her lips began to coax Fred's into opening his mouth so she could fully taste him. She could feel the pit of her stomach begin to knot and flutter with excitement as Fred quickly complied by granting her access and allowing her to gently caress the tip of his tongue with hers.

Fred felt the immediate response all the way into his groin as he timidly tried to mimic her actions. He was immediately rewarded with a pleasured groan from Lizzy, so he continued his exploration and found that her taste was becoming addicting. His hands began to wander down Lizzy's back as he pulled her firmly against his chest. 'This is where she belongs', Fred thought to himself as he moved his hands to cup her buttocks and pull her hips into his.

Lizzy could feel Fred becoming hard as she gave a shudder that shook her to the core. She finally broke the kiss and let out a breathless gasp, "Wh...where did you learn learn how to do this?"

"My first time actually," Fred panted, "Why? Did I bugger it up? I thought I was doing pretty well."

"No, it was perfect," Lizzy replied with a bit more breath, "Um...do you...do you know what happens next?"

"I've got a pretty good idea," he said as he gave his hips a gentle thrust and savored the shudder he felt rippling though Lizzy's body in response, "However, I think we might want to move this to the couch. My legs are a bit wobbly, and my pants are becoming uncomfortably tight."

Lizzy looked down to where she had felt his arousal begin to bulge and her eyes widened at the protrusion that had now fully awakened within his trousers. Her hands moved to the button on his jeans, "I think I can help with the pants."

"Couch first," he said grinning mischievously as he pulled her down onto the sofa, "There, now I don't have to worry about falling down while we molest each other properly."

Lizzy made quick work of the the front of his jeans, and while she wasn't at all surprised to see green boxers covering up his arousal, she was surprised to see how big he really was. Fred thought her expression was somewhat fearful and in return gave her a look of concern, "Do I frighten you?" he asked gently.

"No, it's just...um...wow..." Lizzy stuttered.

"Wow good? Or wow bad?"

"Definitely good," Lizzy smiled back. She gently pulled the waistband of Fred's boxers over his arousal, and Fred immediately gasped at the shock of cold air that invaded him. She carefully reached out and traced his entire length from root to tip with her index finger, stopping just underneath the head of his cock. She felt a dampness between her legs as she realized this was more erotic than anything she had ever done with Charles. A small bead of pre-cum began to seep from the tip of Fred's cock, and she had to mentally fight the urge to lap it up with her tongue. She knew that would be too much stimulation for Fred, as he currently looked like he was hyperventilating.

Fred tried to force himself to calm down as he felt the electricity in her touch, "Oh 'Lisbeth," he groaned as he reached out to run his fingers though her hair. Lizzy wanted to savor this moment, as she knew that Fred had probably never been touched or teased like this ever in his life. She had no doubt that Fred wouldn't last long regardless as this was his first time, but she wanted to make this experience special for him. She leaned over and kissed his lips again as she trailed her finger gingerly up and down his shaft. "Do you like this Fred?" she whispered against his lips.

Fred responded with another groan that came from somewhere deep inside him. His stomach clenched at the heat that was beginning to pool and fester every time Lizzy teased him with her finger, and he finally understood why those teenagers he had watched had their hands all over one another so frantically. He wanted to touch Lizzy everywhere at once, but he couldn't get his brain to communicate with the rest of his body. It took everything he had not to shake with anticipation, and he finally had to grasp the sofa cushions in order to keep from losing himself in the moment. "'Lisbeth, please..." he gasped, "Touch...touch me more."

"Are you sure?" Lizzy whispered as she suckled on his earlobe, "You're not going to last much longer."

"I...I..." Fred couldn't even string together a sentence as she started to run two fingers along his cock instead of one. The sensation was incredible and waves of pleasure seemed to drown all rational thoughts Fred might have had. He panted hard as Lizzy began her assault on his neck. She kissed, sucked and nibbled all the way to his Adam's apple where she finally gave it one last lick with the tip of her tongue. "Want more?" she asked, her breath coming in ghostly whispers against his throat.

"Pl...please," he croaked out. His cock was throbbing in pain, but he realized it wasn't a type of pain like he felt earlier that day when she hit him with the car. This pain felt incredibly good, and he secretly wanted her to make him hurt even more.

Lizzy took her hand away from his arousal and Fred immediately whimpered at the loss of contact. "Don't worry," she said as her fingers went to the front of her blouse. "We're not done yet, but I want you to touch me as well." She quickly undid the front of the blouse and opened it up to reveal her breasts encased within a lacy black bra.

Fred stopped breathing as the sight in front of him sent his brain immediately back to his fantasy of her wielding a whip with him tied to the bed. Luckily, Lizzy wasn't noticing his lack of air as she was busy unclasping the front of her bra to reveal herself to him. She was a little worried that he would find her breasts too small as Charles often commented that she should get them enlarged, but her worries vanished as Fred's hungry expression seemed to ravish her without even being touched. He tore his eyes away from her breasts to meet her gaze. "You are so beautiful Elizabeth."

Lizzy immediately knew that he meant those words from the very bottom of his heart and soul. Her chest swelled with love and happiness as she reached out to grab his hand. She whispered to him as she placed his hand over her heart. "Do you feel that?" Fred nodded numbly as he could feel her heart race beneath her skin. "This is what you do to me Fred, this is how you make me feel." She then moved his hand to cup her right breast, and she let out a gasp as his fingers gently caressed her nipple.

Fred again had another epiphany as to why that teenage boy had been so eager to put his mouth on his girlfriend's breasts. He didn't even realize he had shifted his position on the couch until he found his own mouth gently sucking on the very spot where his fingers had just been. Lizzy let out a pleasure-filled groan as Fred circled the pink nub with his tongue. She felt her panties becoming soaked and her breath hitched in her throat when she began to feel the pressure of Fred gently suckling on her breast. She reached down between Fred's legs and fully grasped his cock in her hand. He responded with a moan and sucking her nipple harder, as he began to feel a pressure building deep within him.

Lizzy began to softly and fully stroked him, allowing her thumb to barely touch the sensitive area underneath the tip of his penis. She could feel his veins rippling under the skin and wondered how long he would be able to hold out. She soon found out as the warmth of his mouth quickly vanished from her chest and Fred's head jerked against the back of the couch. "OH Elizabeth!" he cried as he looked down to watch himself cum all over the front of his shirt and Lizzy's hand. The feeling of release had taken his breath away and he shook with pleasure as Lizzy continued to pump him for every last drop.

Once Lizzy was certain she stroked him dry, she pulled her hand away to inspect his seed that was covering her fingers. Fred gave her a guilty look. "Oh God, I'm so sorry...I...I didn't know it was going to come out like that."

"Why are you sorry? I wanted that to happen," she said giving Fred a sly smile. Fred then witnessed what he thought was the sexiest thing he had ever seen as she lifted her fingers to her mouth. She stuck her tongue out and gave her index finger a long lick while staring deep into Fred's eyes. "Mmm, tasty," she said giving him a wicked grin as she moved on to nimbly clean the rest of her hand.

Fred's mind experienced a complete meltdown, and his eyes widened with a feral look of desperate need. A growl began to rumble within his chest as he slowly pulled his soiled shirt over his head. Lizzy's eyes drank in Fred's shirtless physique, as she watched him begin to advance on her in slow motion. "Naughty...naughty girl," his voice growled low, sending shivers down Lizzy's spine. She wasn't scared, but this raw, animalistic side of Fred was exhilarating. She wanted more, and by the way Fred was zeroing in on her lips she knew that Fred was going to deliver on any and all promises his libido was planning on doling out.

He clamped his lips on top of Lizzy's in a searing kiss, leaving her breathless and throbbing for his touch. "You've been struggling to believe that I'm here all afternoon," he growled, giving her a very wicked smile. "Let me have the pleasure of showing you how REAL I am."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own squat...

Again, another big shout out to zombierose3 and her awesome Grammar Nazi skillz :P If it wasn't for her, I'd have never had finished this either...NOW GO READ HER STORY AND LEAVE HER REVIEWS!

FYI: THERE IS WALL-TO-WALL SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER! IF THIS ISN'T YOUR CUP OF TEA, THEN STOP READING IMMEDIATELY. For the rest of you who have hung in there for 10 chapters waiting impatiently for this...I hope this was seriously worth the wait. :D

* * *

Lizzy was speechless as her mind reeled from Fred's declaration of his intentions in showing her a world of pleasure. She looked at him in pure bewilderment as she sat motionless on the couch. Fred's smoldering gaze was still burning a hole into her soul, as he stood up to tower over her. "You've got a choice," he stated, "We can do this here, or we can move this show into the bedroom." He was still breathing hard and recovering from his own release, but she knew he was far from being done with her.

"Guhhh..." was the only sound Lizzy could force herself to mutter. Fred's lean figure seemed to radiate heat and lust as she watched a bead of sweat roll down from his forehead and onto his chest. Her eyes traveled lower to see there was still some of his seed splattered on the small trail of hair leading down to his cock. Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned forward and licked up the mess with the tip of her tongue. Fred's breath caught in his throat and his eyes rolled up into the back of his head. "Oh 'Lisbeth," he groaned, "you're going to be the death of me."

Once Lizzy pulled her mouth away from Fred's happy trail, she was immediately bombarded with another passionate kiss. Fred could taste himself within the depths of Lizzy's mouth, and he felt a sudden urge of possessiveness and lust course through his body. 'This is how she should always taste,' he thought to himself. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to Lizzy's. "Are you going to answer me?" he asked breathlessly.

Lizzy's brain finally kicked into gear as she caught her breath. She realized Fred's lack of control spilled over into all aspects of his personality, and she thought about how she could possibly use this information in her favor. She knew him well enough to know he was competitive, impulsive, and had a mischievous streak a mile wide. However, witnessing him deal with his primal human emotions was becoming a learning moment for Lizzy. Her previous sexual encounters with Charles were eye-opening, but Fred's passion for Lizzy far surpassed anything she had experienced before.

She had her hands on his arms and could almost feel his heartbeat through his skin. It was obvious he was wound up, hell, SHE was wound up...but her decision to push Fred a bit further was just too enticing. She let go of his arms and moved her head away to meet his gaze. "Here or the bedroom are my options huh? Well," she said giving him a sly look, "you can have me...whenever you catch me."

With that, Lizzy flung her herself over the back of the couch and landed shakily on her feet. Fred had certainly unnerved her enough to affect her physically, and she began to question her decision to play this game with him. She forced her legs to move her into the kitchen effectively putting the couch and the island counter between herself and Fred. Lizzy realized that her bra was still hanging off her shoulders, so she wiggled out of the straps and removed the garment through the front of her blouse. She then tossed it in Fred's direction, as if giving him more of an incentive to chase her than what he already had.

Fred's eyes lit up with excitement as he reached out to snatch the bra out of the air. "Going to play tag are we? You should know I always won whenever we played this in the past," he said smoothly as he crept around the sofa never taking his eyes off of Lizzy. "You were always horrible at it."

"Well maybe I've been practicing," Lizzy replied with a grin. "What's the matter? Afraid of losing to a girl?"

Fred let out a soft laugh. "You're no girl, Love," Fred said as he reached the island, "Girls don't wear boulder holders, especially ones as smashing as these," he said holding up said bra.

Lizzy blushed deeply, taking notice of the new pet name he had given her. "I wasn't aware you had an underwear fetish," she pointed out.

Fred held up the bra and gave it an appraising look. "Didn't know they made these with hooks in the front. Awfully convenient eh?" he said as he swung the bra around on his finger in a lazy motion. "Ones I've seen always have that horrid complicated hook thingy in the back."

"Mmmhmm..." Lizzy said nodding her head slowly. She knew Fred was doing his best at trying take her mind off of the game of tag they were playing. She began to eye the bedroom door as a possible exit from the kitchen.

"Whatcha looking at, Snotface?" Fred asked playfully. "Planning on making a run for it, are we?"

Lizzy just gave him a smile as she bolted for the bedroom door. Fred immediately gave chase and crashed through behind her. Lizzy didn't fully plan out her next move, and she found herself in the corner of the bedroom with Fred standing between her and the door connecting the bedroom to the master bathroom. Fred gave her a smile similar to a master hunter closing in on its prey. "Told you that you sucked at this game." As he began to slowly make his way to where Lizzy was standing, he noticed a picture sitting on the dresser behind her.

It was an old picture of Lizzy and Charles on their wedding day. Lizzy's face was glowing with happiness as her and Charles looked like they were walking down the steps from a church. A large pang of sadness and jealousy swept over him, and Lizzy watched his face twist up in unhappiness. "Fred? Fred, what's wrong?"

Fred shook his head trying to bring himself back into the moment. "I...sorry...just saw your wedding picture." He walked over to the dresser and picked it up. "You look so beautiful, and so...happy," he said. "And this bloody twatface wanker here," he pointed to Charles, "This utter bastard never deserved you."

Lizzy moved to take the picture frame out of his hands. "That's over Fred. You know that."

"Doesn't matter. I hate him. I hate him more than that girl Fartpants," Fred replied bitterly. He turned to look at Lizzy, and she saw the wolfish glint had returned to his eyes. "He got to have you before I did."

Lizzy finally connected the dots and realized Fred was jealous of Charles and his relationship with her. She thought back to the time where Fred was still her imaginary friend and was staying in the apartment with her and Charles. It must have killed him to see Charles put his hands on her, while she was busy forcing herself to take those evil green pills. It suddenly became clear that Fred had been in love with her longer than what she originally thought. "Fred, he may have had my body before you, but you had my heart before him. That's all that matters."

Fred's eyes once again stared into the depths of Lizzy's. "I want to have all of you. All to myself. You already know I don't play well with others," he whispered taking the picture frame from her and setting it face down on the dresser. Lizzy felt another chill run down her spine, and this air of unbridled desire emanating from Fred seemed to be familiar, as if she had felt it somewhere before...

Fred continued his pursuit of Lizzy until her back hit the wall next to the bed. He leaned in and put his hands on either side of her, effectively trapping her within the confines of his body. "You realize, now that I have you, I'm not letting you go," he said leaning in to kiss the side of her neck. "You're mine." he whispered as his lips connected with her skin, and he proceeded to mark her as his vigorously with his mouth.

Lizzy let out a groan, taking pleasure in Fred's ministrations against her skin. It was obvious the game was over, and now she wanted to give herself to him in ways that she had never given herself to Charles. "Well," she croaked out, "we're in the bedroom now. Care to make use of the bed?"

Fred pulled his mouth away from her neck inspecting the new mark on her skin. It wasn't as dark as he would have liked it to be, but it didn't matter. There was a woman in front of him who was in need of a good ravishing, and his desire was just about uncontrollable at this point. "Why not?" he replied as he scooped up HIS Lizzy and placed her on the bed. "Too many clothes though, mind if I have the honor?" he asked as he began to tug part of her blouse out of the top of her pants.

"I...uh..." After Fred's ambush on her neck, Lizzy's brain had slipped back into a dumbfounded state. Fred ignored her feeble attempt in deterring him of divesting her of her clothes and proceeded to undo the front of her pants. Once he managed to undo the zipper, he realized that her underwear matched her bra, black, lacy, and unbelievably sexy. Fred let out a rushed breath, "Oh my, naughty panties..."

Lizzy watched the expression on Fred's face as he made his discovery and let out a small giggle. "You DO have an underwear fetish!"

"Only when it comes to black lacy things," he replied as he traced his finger over the lacy pattern on the front of her panties. Lizzy purred as the contact further increased the wetness that was growing between her legs. Fred's inspection paused as a sudden thought popped in his head. "Um, you don't happen to have any large blue knobs running about the place do you? Because if you do, I think we may need to have a small talk first..."

Lizzy lifted her head up from the pillow. "Do what? What's a knob?"

"You know, a knob! Like this!" he said pointing down to his own 'knob', which had found new life much to Lizzy's surprise. She looked back up at him with a confused look, which Fred took as a good sign that there wasn't one of those offensive rubber things plotting to make an unannounced appearance. "Never mind," he said waving his hand, "Back to the clothes. Off with these!" he said pulling Lizzy's hips upward so he could yank the pants away from her gorgeous flesh. Lizzy decided to speed up the process and finally removed her blouse and kicked off her sandals, leaving her in nothing but her panties...which Fred was now eyeing with great interest.

"Beautiful," he murmured as he ran his hands up the length of her legs. He stopped short when he reached her center, noticing that her arousal had a scent. Lizzy watched in awe as he bent his head forward to bring his face closer to her now soaked panties. "Fr...Fred?"

"Shhh," he whispered, his breath touching her covered sex. Lizzy began to breathe heavily in anticipation. If he was fixing to do what she thought he was fixing to do...

Luckily, Fred didn't comprehend what type of effect he was having on his beloved. He saw the dampness between her legs and he reached out to lightly stroke the offending spot with his finger. Lizzy let out a loud gasp as her hips bucked forward. Fred's smile immediately became more wicked. "Oi, looks like someone's a bit sensitive," he teased, "I wonder what would happen if I removed these then, eh?" He hooked his fingers over the edge of her underwear and slowly began pulling them away, his eyes locked on her sex as if it were a shiny new toy. After finally disrobing her completely, he moved back in to inspect this new area of adventure. He reached out with a shaky finger to stroke the pink pearl which was hiding between her folds.

When he made contact, Lizzy let out a lust-filled groan of pleasure and her pelvis quaked with her release. She couldn't believe that he was barely touching her and she had already had her first orgasm just from his innocent exploration. Fred lifted his head to peek at Lizzy's face, and he was elated to see that she was thoroughly enjoying his touch. He made another pass with his finger and managed to cover the tip of it with Lizzy's now freely flowing juices. "I believe you teased me like this earlier," he said as he lifted his finger to his mouth. Lizzy now knew how Fred felt when he saw her lick her own finger. The sight was maddening, and Fred's eyes lit up in excitement as his finger made a popping noise as it came out of his mouth. "Hmm...not bad. Can I do it again?"

Lizzy could only blink in response. "Right then! I'll take that as a yes," he said reaching down to touch her center once again. Lizzy bucked her hips as he gently moved his finger between her swollen lips in an attempt to soak his finger in as much of her fluid as possible. The sensation racked Lizzy's body and the contact made her sex ache for more.

"Fr..Fred?" She stuttered, "I...I n-need you...need you to..."

Fred looked up again with his finger fully inside his mouth. "You need me to do what?" he asked, his voice somewhat garbled with his mouth working on sucking his finger in an attempt to clean it.

Lizzy felt her brain crack at the sight. She took a huge breath in order to calm herself down so Fred would be able to understand her and what she specifically wanted him to do next. "Fred. I...um...wow this is hard..."

"So am I! Look at it," Fred replied excitedly as he pulled his finger out of his mouth to point to his cock. "I think it's bigger than before-"

"FRED! CONCENTRATE!" Lizzy shouted. Fred froze as she took another breath and started again. "I need you to...um...use that," she pointed to the same area as he was, "and...uh...use it on...um...me."

"OK. How should I do that?"

Lizzy simply gawked at the man kneeling between her legs. "You said you had a pretty good idea about what comes next!"

"I did?" Fred looked at Lizzy and her face clearly stated that what he said was definitely not the correct thing to say to a wanton woman lying in bed. "I mean, I do! Right! Now down to business..." he replied as he rubbed his hands together.

Lizzy arched her eyebrow. "Might want to lose the pants first," she pointed out.

"What?" Fred looked down and realized he was still half-dressed. "OH! Right, right...Ok, off they come!" He stood up and shoved down his pants in an attempt to step out of them, however, he had a memory lapse in that he forgot he was still wearing his sneakers. This unfortunately resulted in him tripping over himself and crashing to the floor with a large thud.

Lizzy's eyes went wide as she sat up. "Fred? Are you ok?"

Fred popped up from the floor, his legs still a tangled mess. "Ahhh, I'm good, just...erm..." he struggled to pull the sneakers off but they were putting up one hell of a fight. "Just ah...getting undressed...eh...dammed shoes."

Lizzy just closed her eyes and shook her head as she listened to Fred continue to struggle on the floor with inanimate objects. She found the dialogue quite amusing as he was busy cursing the premise for shoes, the inventor of shoelaces, and Calypso's piss-poor taste in footwear. Once he managed to untangle himself, he popped back up holding his arms out. "Miss me?"

Lizzy let out a chuckle and motioned for him to join her on the bed. "Of course," she replied.

Fred kneeled down between her legs and savored the sight of Lizzy spread before him. In Fred's eyes, she looked like a light-skinned goddess beckoning him to come and lose himself in her flesh. Fred nervously cleared his throat and looked down at himself and Lizzy, trying frantically to figure out what exactly went where. His mind flashed back to the crazy woman and her blue knob of doom. He wasn't entirely sure if what he witnessed was correct, but he figured he might as well make a go at it since the throbbing feeling between his legs was becoming unbearable. "Right, are you ready?" he asked Lizzy softly.

Lizzy gave him a grin and a nod. "Please, I want to make you feel good."

He lined himself where he thought he should be and gently held Lizzy's hips in place. He momentarily wondered if this was even going to work since their sizes seemed...um...disproportionate. Sweat began to pour off of his brow as he began to move his hips forward, "'Lisbeth, I um...I...ah...don't want to hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me Fr- WHOA HEY! WRONG HOLE!" Lizzy yelled and jerked her body back as Fred tried to thrust forward...a little too low.

He immediately backed off. "Well it's how the woman with the blue knob was doing it!" he frantically replied.

Lizzy closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down. She tried to comprehend Fred's last sentence, but decided that she REALLY didn't want to know what the hell he was talking about. Regardless, it was clear she would need to take control of the situation before it got anymore out of hand. "OK, will you let me help you?" Fred nodded, afraid that he had spoiled everything. He silently berated himself for not doing a better job on doing his research, but this snag didn't stop the lust that was starting to pool again in his stomach. "I'm yours Lizzy, I'll do whatever you tell me to."

Lizzy reached down and gently took his cock in her hand. "This is where you need to...um...go," she said as she guided him to the CORRECT entrance. Fred saw what he was supposed to do and tried to relax as he gripped Lizzy's legs to try again. Things still didn't look proportional, but he trusted that she knew what she was talking about. He was literally afraid he would break her as he cautiously began to push into her entrance. The head of his cock finally penetrated her folds and Fred almost came unglued. The surrounding warmth was instantly addicting, and his need to feel more could no longer be ignored. He thrust forward, filling Lizzy with everything he had and let out a strangled groan.

The sudden thrust took Lizzy completely by surprise. She naively assumed Fred would take his time and make sure he was doing things right and not hurt her. However, it was quite the opposite when he impulsively sheathed himself within Lizzy's tight walls. While it didn't hurt, the sudden feeling of his invasion took her breath away. She realized he was much bigger than she had originally believed him to be, and the strain of accommodating him sent a wave of pleasure through her belly.

Fred leaned forward and braced his hands on either side of Lizzy's head in an attempt to come to his senses. He had no idea this would feel so good and so intense all at the same time. He looked into Lizzy's eyes, her well-being was now at the fore-front of his mind. "Is this OK?" he gasped.

Lizzy nodded her head. "It's perfect Fred." She smiled.

"Can I move? Or will it hurt?"

"It won't hurt, if anything it will feel even better," Lizzy reassured him.

Fred let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Right then," he said as he slowly pulled out. The loss of warmth was not without payoff as the friction created from the movement was again mind-blowing for Fred. He began to move his hips rhythmically with his breathing, hoping the pool of heat within him would continue build.

Lizzy copied his actions by starting to moan and thrust her hips up to meet Fred's as she placed her hands on his chest. While they had a rough start, Fred was certainly catching on quick. The smell of sex seeped into the air as Lizzy wrapped her legs around Fred's back to deepen the angle of his thrusts. The slickness of Lizzy's walls coupled with her tightening around his shaft had Fred's mind suffering from a complete meltdown. This new sensation caused him to speed up his thrusts and moan for his love who was withering beneath him. "Oh 'Lisbeth," he moaned, "This is so...so...GOOD."

Lizzy gave him a lusty moan in return. He was certainly right, their lovemaking was good...almost too good. Her neediness for Fred's touch had already sent her nerves into overdrive. She began to feel the waves of another orgasm beginning to build, and she moved her hands from his chest to grip his arms for good leverage. She noticed that Fred's hair was damp from sweat, and his chest seemed to glisten under the soft lights of the bedroom. Lizzy could see the outline of his abs contract with his movements and realized how dammed sexy he looked in the throes of passion. It turned her on even more to know that she was the reason for the state he was in, and she could feel herself teetering on the brink.

Fred's control was barely in check as he gave a particularly hard thrust. Lizzy cried out his name and finally found herself falling from her high. The orgasm was so intense that she didn't notice her grip had tightened enough to leave ten perfect half-moon fingernail marks on Fred's arms. She erratically began to thrust her hips while riding her waves of passion as there was no turning back. Her cries of pleasure were like music to Fred's ears.

Fred tried hard to concentrate on Lizzy's face while he made love to her, but his own release was starting to stir within him. As he watched Lizzy shiver and thrash beneath him, he realized that what he felt for her ran deep. He knew he loved her, but this connection they were now sharing was the most intense sensation he'd ever experienced, and while he didn't want it to end his human body just simply did not have the level of endurance he wished it had.

"'Lisbeth, Love, I'm...I'm not gonna last...I'm...oh...OH!" Fred pumped into her as hard as he could, feeling the heat move out of his stomach and into his cock. He saw Lizzy's hooded gaze staring up at him, and he bent down to catch her lips in a desperate kiss just as he finished his orgasm deep inside her. His body began to shake as whatever strength he had left in his arms finally gave out, and he collapsed on top of Lizzy's body completely spent.

* * *

Lizzy awoke the next morning to her clock radio softly playing an Eddie Money pop song. She happened to catch the chorus and listening to the words made her smile.

_"If I could walk on water,_  
_If I could find some way to prove,_  
_If I could walk on water, would you believe in me?_  
_My love is so true..."_

She found the song fitting concerning the gorgeous man lying naked in bed with her. All her worries about Fred were forgotten as she now had sufficient evidence of his presence next to her. The amount of body heat he was generating surrounded her like a sauna, and the sound of his steady breathing made her feel secure. She replayed the previous night's amorous activities in her mind as she cuddled deeper into Fred's arms.

After they were done with their love-making, she noticed Fred looked a bit worse for wear. He had claimed he could go again, but Lizzy could see the tiredness in his eyes. She had coaxed him into laying down next to her while she stroked his hair and whispered sweet nothings into his ear. It wasn't long before he was in a deep sleep and Lizzy decided to follow suit.

Sometime in the middle of the night he had managed to wrap her up in his long limbs and curled himself around her body, like a stubborn child clinging to his security blanket. To wake up next to her best friend, who was now also her lover, made Lizzy's heart feel complete. She could not think of another time in her life where she had ever been this happy, her wedding day included.

She felt Fred's body shift against hers, and quickly noticed that like all red-blooded men in the morning, he had an erection. A deliciously evil plot began to stir in Lizzy's brain, and she carefully dislodged herself from Fred's grasp. He didn't wake, however she noticed a frown begin to form upon his lips, as if he knew she were no longer in his arms. She carefully peeled back the covers and unveiled the object she was looking for.

'He's going to lose his mind,' Lizzy giggled to herself. She gently took his cock in her hands and leaned forward to give it a small lick. She glanced up to see Fred's mouth respond with a twitch. She inwardly smiled as she gave his cock another lick, this time traveling all the way from the base to the head.

She was rewarded with a small whimper seeping from Fred's lips. She checked on him again and found him to still be asleep. 'Lazy boy, guess I'll just have to wake him up the hard way,' she thought to herself, smiling evilly at the pun she HAD intended. She promptly put the tip of his cock in her mouth and began to suck it gently.

Fred let out a groan as his eyes flew open, the sunlight in the room immediately assaulting his eyeballs. "Gah! Why is it so bri-OH BLOODY HELL!" he yelled as he sat up straight in the bed. He forced his eyes to focus and found a certain brown-haired minx attached to the end of his knob...with her mouth. "Elizabeth? GAH!" he yelled as he could feel Lizzy's tongue tease the head of his cock. "What are-OHHHH!"

Lizzy pulled him out of her mouth and gave him an innocent look. "Problem Fred?"

"Erm...why are yo-AHHHH!" Fred tried to speak, but Lizzy had gone back to her previous ministrations. "Dammit woman! Stop-OH GOD...never mind...DON'T stop..."

Lizzy popped his cock out of her mouth again. "What was that Fred? You want me to stop?" she asked with a pout on her face. Again, she didn't let him answer her properly before she took him once again in her mouth. However, this time she tried to fully go down on him which resulted in Fred flailing backwards and cracking his head on the bed's headboard.

"OW! Dammit! What the-OHHHH!" Fred shouted, his brain trying to put together a logical sentence. "Woman, holy hell...you-AH! I swear...I'm-" Fred stopped talking and let out a guttural groan.

"You should really stop talking Fred," Lizzy replied around a mouthful of him. Fred's hips bucked up from the bed as the vibrations of Lizzy's throat added an amazing sensation that almost made him catatonic. He could feel every time her tongue chose to make a different path around his shaft, and the way she was sucking on him made him question why men all over the world weren't chaining their wives to the bed and demanding oral sex every chance they got. He'd have to see if Lizzy would be generous enough to at least do this for him three-no-four times a day. He decided he would ask later when his cognitive brain function was working correctly and speaking legibly wouldn't be impossible.

Lizzy was thoroughly enjoying herself. Giving Fred pleasure had turned her on as well, but her needs could come later. She felt that Fred needed to experience all of the joys of sex, and her being his teacher was nothing short of exhilarating. She wrapped her lips over her teeth and clamped down even harder as she started to work his cock in ways she had never done before. Charles had always said she needed to work on her technique, but she felt her skills were definitely not lacking by the way Fred was thrashing about on the bed and moaning her name as if she were some sort of deity.

Fred howled at the new pressure Lizzy was applying to him, and he gripped the bedsheets in order to restrain himself from flying off the bed. He could already feel his release start to nag him as he briefly wondered how long it would take for his body to become used to this. He wanted to pleasure Lizzy and make it last longer than what his current record stood at, but obviously it would take time and practice...a LOT of practice.

Lizzy's head bobbed up and down a little quicker as she could feel his cock start to pulse in her mouth. She braced herself for his release, and when Fred's body finally went rigid she could feel the hot ropes of liquid slide down her throat. She drank it greedily, her eyes locked on Fred's as he gazed at her, not believing that Lizzy had actually done what he thought she did. "You...you swallowed?" he asked shakily.

"Mmm hmm, was good too," Lizzy replied as she gave him a quick smile before finishing her clean-up job. Fred sank into the pillow utterly convinced that his Elizabeth was the best woman to ever walk the planet. He closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath as he beckoned for his personal goddess. "'Lisbeth," he gasped. "Come here."

Lizzy gave him a small pout as she released him from her mouth and made her way up towards the head of the bed. "What? You didn't like it?"

"Are you insane? Of course I liked it! What in the hell WASN'T there to like? It's not as if I wake up everyday to find that I have a beautiful woman attached to the end of my knob," he replied.

Lizzy gave him grin as she curled up next to him and laid her head on his chest. "So you enjoyed it then?"

"Of course, Love," he said softly as he put his arm around her shoulders. "I've always enjoyed anything you do for me."

"Good." Lizzy replied, overly pleased with herself. She listened to his heartbeat, which had finally decided to slow down to a normal pace, as a random thought popped in her head. "Hey, Fred?"

"Hmm?"

"Um...mind telling me the story about this woman with a blue penis?"


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters except for Calypso. :P

Special thanks once again to Zombierose3 for her wonderful beta job! This would have been crap without her :P Aganin thank you to all of you who left me a review. Those reviews make me want to write more smutty things :D

* * *

Lizzy yawned as she groggily stumbled to the coffee maker. Her and Fred had finally decided to get up and start the day after their snuggle-time chat session. After a few false starts, and Lizzy calling him out on a couple of blatant lies, Fred had finally come clean and told her the story of the Blue Knob of Doom. She was slightly intrigued by the end of it, and the idea of Fred being exposed to something so erotic had made her mind start to wonder how kinky Fred could possibly be.

Regardless, her curiosity was now finally satisfied as she understood the whole black panties and blue knobs situation. She made a mental note to go to the local lingerie shop and start looking for new enticing black undergarments.

She looked in the coffee maker and frowned at the lack of grounds it contained. "I hope I still have some," she muttered to herself as she turned to go look in the pantry. She opened the door to start her search, but instead of coffee grounds, she found something else entirely.

Lizzy let out a deafening scream. She sure as hell hoped Fred had heard her... as well as have an explanation.

* * *

Fred was busy relieving himself and having a hell of a time in trying to do so. Apparently having an orgasm and then trying to pee was a bit of a challenge for him, and he wasn't very thrilled with how his human body was trying to cope. Once he finally managed to get himself under control and get things 'flowing,' he heard Lizzy's scream and immediately panicked. "Come on, dammit! GO FASTER!" he yelled to his penis. "I swear, this body is more trouble than it's worth. Isn't there an 'OFF' button somewhere?" he muttered to himself as he began to poke around his body, expecting to find a switch to his penis to make it stop.

Lizzy's screams tuned him back in to what was more important, and he tried to back away from the toilet and toward the door without making a mess. "Lizzy? Love? Are you okay?" he yelled. When he didn't hear an answer he tried to finish quicker, however, it was pretty impossible to force his body to do what he wanted, concerning the task at hand. "FUCK!" he yelled as he wound up making a mess on the floor. "Stop peeing you... you... pissy bastard!" he yelled again to his penis, which in turn was doing a brilliant job in ignoring its owner's demands.

The war that waged between Fred and his body parts finally came to a messy end, and by the time it was over Fred was completely exasperated with himself. He gave the bathroom an overall glance. 'Bloody hell, I'll deal with this later,' he thought as he messily tucked himself back into his boxers as he ran out of the room. "Lizzy, I'm coming!"

As soon as he reached the kitchen, he protectively pushed Lizzy behind him. His eyes flew open in pure shock at was causing her distress. "Calypso?!"

"Hi!" the white-haired man said, holding up a Ritz Cracker with a maniacal smile on his face, as if being found while sitting in a pantry was an everyday normal occurrence.

"What the FUCK are you doing in the pantry?" Fred screamed. "You scared the living hell out of Liz- ...Er... Hold up." He turned to give Lizzy a confused look. "You can actually see him?"

Lizzy numbly nodded her head. "I... um... think I need to go back to bed and just... Wait... What the hell? Are you EATING my crackers?"

Calypso looked at the cracker in his hand. "Yes! Actually, I am finding them quite scrumptious," he said, holding out the box to Fred and Lizzy. "Would you like some?"

Fred shrugged. "Don't mind if I do actually, bit starved at the moment," he said, reaching out to snag the box. He popped a couple in his mouth before offering the open box to Lizzy. "Oi, these are pretty good. Want a few?"

"Erm... no thanks. I actually just wanted coffee-"

"Coffee, eh? Coming right up!" Calypso interrupted as he pulled the tin off of the shelf above him and handed it to Lizzy. "There you go!"

"Uh, thanks," Lizzy said, timidly taking the tin from him. "But, uh... if you two are going to be having an impromptu buffet in here, I'll just skip making coffee for myself and just run down to the cafe on the corner-"

"No need!" Calypso interrupted again with a wave of his hand as he nimbly stepped out of the cupboard. "I'm just here to give Fred one last little gift."

"Another gift?" Lizzy eyed Calypso warily, as she wasn't sure if she was ready for any new surprises.

"It had better be a bigger knob... still don't think mine's big enough." Fred snorted as he looked down the front of his boxers.

"Sorry mate, don't think there's much I can do in that department," Calypso replied as he pulled a piece of paper out of the front of his poet's shirt. "However, this here is for you."

Fred swallowed the remaining crackers in his mouth. "What's this?"

"Open it and look for yourself."

Lizzy peered around Fred's shoulder as he opened the piece of paper to read it. "Are you serious?" Lizzy looked at Calypso like he was insane. "That's a license for child care!"

Calypso nodded. "Apparently it's best if you have one of those, according to the Human Services Department of Minnesota-"

"You can't just GIVE him a license to take care of children!" Lizzy argued back. "That's a huge responsibility!"

"I really don't see what the issue is," Calypso replied, rolling his eyes. "He's perfectly qualified to handle children."

"Yeah but-"

"And here," Calypso said, waving his hands and materializing a large picture frame. "This should make him all official now."

Lizzy stared at the crazy man in front of her. "Where in the hell did THAT come from?"

"Magic, Love," Fred pointed out. "Weren't you watching?"

Lizzy shut her eyes. "Okay, I think I REALLY need to go back to bed. I haven't had enough sleep to deal with... with this," she said, waving her hand at Calypso.

Calypso gave her pained look as he held his hand over his heart. "You wound me, my dear lady..."

"I haven't even begun to 'wound' you yet-"

Fred rolled his eyes and put his arm around Lizzy in a half-hearted attempt to stop her from murdering Calypso in the face. "Come off it, you overly-dramatic bastard, before I let Lizzy loose on your sorry arse. Now, what's with that photograph frame?"

"It's not a photo frame," Calypso replied as he flipped it over. Fred and Lizzy's eye went wide at what the frame contained.

"'University of Oxford confers that Fredrick Percy Pritchard'... Oi! Bastard!" Fred's glare immediately locked onto Calypso as he stomped over to the man. "That's NOT my bloody name! Change it to what it's supposed to be, you wanker, or I'll release Snotface's wrath upon your head!"

"Um yeah, good luck with that," Calypso replied, nodding in Lizzy's direction with an amused look on his face.

Fred spun around to find Lizzy doubled over trying to smother her laughter. "Oh wow, is that the name you first had? That's so horrible-"

"Quiet you," Fred growled at Lizzy. He turned back to Calypso. "Now fix my name, you tosser!"

"Fine, fine. I swear you used to be so much more fun to poke at," Cal replied as he snapped his fingers. The words magically transformed into Fred's proper name.

"Right then," Fred said with a huff. "Anyways, let's see...where was I at? Ah yes, 'Blah blah blah, Fredrick Michael Thompson has pursued and formally completed the courses necessary for the degree in Child Development.'"

"What?!" That revelation immediately brought Lizzy's attention back to the frame. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" she yelled, yanking the frame out of Calypso's hands and rereading the formal document's contents. "How in the hell-"

"I've got connections," Calypso said with a smug smile on his face. "Besides, Fred just can't be wanking about the apartment while you work. He needs a proper job."

"I wasn't planning on wanking about. And stop talking about my knob!" Fred yelled.

"Why? Earlier you wanted me to make it bigger. I doubt my magic can help," Calypso replied. "But! I was window shopping the other day and found a specialty store that could possibly help you with that. They had a pump thingy in the display-"

"OKAY! Subject change!" Lizzy interrupted. "Now explain to me WHY Fred needs this degree."

"Well it fits with his backstory. More believable I'd say," Calypso defended.

Lizzy had a hard time believing this crazy man, who just earlier tried to eat all of her Ritz Crackers and chatted nonchalantly about penis pumps, was actually making rational points that made sense. Still, the whole situation just didn't sit well with her. "He hasn't even taken any classes on how to care for children properly!"

"Yes he has, or otherwise he wouldn't have this degree here."

"YOU JUST CONJURED THAT OUT OF THIN AIR! He hasn't actually had 'formal' training by professionals!" Lizzy ranted. "Plus, what if someone calls that school and asks for his records? How are you gonna fake that?"

"Pffft, details," Calypso said, brushing off Lizzy's concerns and turning to the diploma's new owner. "Now Fred, you're good with this, yes?"

"It's brilliant!" Fred said excitedly as he began to bounce around. "My job would just be hanging around with the kiddies? I can do that!" He turned to Lizzy. "Come on, Snotface! What could possibly go wrong?"

"Bit of a loaded question there, Fred," Calypso commented under his breath.

"You mean what COULDN'T possibly go wrong," Lizzy replied, standing there and blinking while she again tried to wrap her head around the entire situation. Calypso had successfully managed to give Fred what he would need to survive, but it all just seemed way too good to be true, too convenient, too easy... the lucky bastard. "I... uh... wow... I don't know. I mean, really, OXFORD? Don't you think that's a bit... um... overkill?"

"Top notch school from what I hear. Besides, makes him marketable to the masses really. Would be nice if he could open up his own business. Would certainly make all of this simpler-"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Lizzy yelled, holding her hand up to stop the conversation. "Seriously? Have him start his own business?" She turned and gave Calypso an incredulous look. "Are you HIGH?"

"Well, we are on the third floor, not sure if I'd consider that 'high-'"

"Oh my God." Lizzy slapped her forehead. "Okay, there's NO way that's going to work. He's got to have a LOT of money for start up costs, and he'll need referrals, AND-" Fred looked like he was about to interrupt but Lizzy quickly covered his mouth with her hand. "...he's going to need to figure out what to do with children other than make mud pies, wiping bogeys on people, and destroying toys!"

"Wiping bogeys on people can be a practical skill in the real world," Cal calmly replied.

"SERIOUSLY?!"

"You're taking all my fun away, Snotface." Fred pouted.

"Quiet, Fred," Lizzy scolded, before she turned her attention back to Calypso. "You can't just make him in charge of large groups of children!"

"Why not?" Calypso asked.

"I just told you why!"

"Yeah, she just told you why. Are you deaf?" Fred commented.

Cal gave a snort in Fred's direction "You were fine with this just a minute ago. Whose side are you on, dammit?"

"Ummm..." Fred looked from Lizzy to Cal, his brain trying to pick the correct choice.

Lizzy gave Fred an even stare. "I'll withhold sex and ALL related activities."

"Well then, that settles that," Fred quickly replied. "Sorry Cal, you're on your own with this one."

"Now wait just a minute," Calypso said, raising his hand. He'd be dammed if he wouldn't go down without a fight. "Correct me if I'm wrong here, Elizabeth, but unless you're planning on supporting Fred completely, what purpose will he serve here in the real world?"

"I got this, Snotface," Fred muttered to Lizzy before he turned to Cal. "Simple, I'll be her sex slave."

Lizzy just closed her eyes, groaned, and slapped her forehead with her hand.

"Really? Just a sex slave, huh?" Calypso said with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous smile. "So, when you're not busy having it off with one another, what do you think Fred will be doing around here... especially when he gets bored?"

Lizzy bit the inside of her cheek. Dammit, Fred was right... Calypso was an utter bastard... who just happened to have a very good point. She narrowed her eyes at Cal. "You planned all this from the beginning, didn't you?"

Calypso gave her a knowing smile. "Well, not completely from the beginning. I had to do my research. Throwing an IF out into the real world has never been successful in the past," he replied. "To be honest, the chance of Fred being killed, imprisoned, or sent to a sanitarium within the first 24 hours would have been inevitable."

Lizzy's hand slipped into Fred's as her mind tossed around the idea of something horrible happening to him. Maybe Calypso did have Fred's best interests at heart, but still, this was a lot to take in. She gave Calypso a nod. "Okay, I understand now. But still, I really have a lot of reservations about all of this."

"But that's why you're here with him, isn't it? If you love him you're going to support him in being human, are you not?" Cal asked Lizzy. "I hope I didn't make a mistake in transforming him-"

"No you didn't!" Lizzy exclaimed while squeezing Fred's hand tightly. Fred frowned and put his arm around her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. Lizzy looked up and saw Fred's concerned face, and she knew that Calypso had her over a barrel. She loved him and she didn't want to hinder him having a successful and happy life outside of their relationship. She let out a deep sigh and looked at Cal. "Okay, so with all this, what do you suggest we do?"

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this. Seriously, I CAN'T believe I'm doing this. She is going to KILL me," Lizzy ranted as she climbed out of the car and stomped across the parking lot.

Fred had to run to keep up with her. "She's not going to kill you," he reassured her. "And besides, if she tries she'll have to go through me. I'm Drop Dead Fred, dammit!"

Lizzy shot him a sidelong glance. "WHO are you again?"

"Drop De- ...Dammit... well... I'm Fred! That's all that matters!"

"Yes... yes, you are," Lizzy muttered. "You're also the 'pirate who's not supposed to touch anything,' who happened to also SINK her houseboat. I take it all back, she's not going to kill me... She's going to kill YOU."

Fred gave an audible gulp. "Yes well, you're going to protect me, right?"

"Hmmm," was the only reply that came from Lizzy's lips as she knocked on her best friend's door.

"Coming!" a voice called from behind the door. The lock clicked, the knob turned, and the door swung open to reveal a small, brown-haired woman. "Lizzy! Good to see you! Come in, come in!"

"Thanks, Janie," Lizzy said as she stepped through the doorway. Janie began to close the door behind her best friend, when the door collided with something solid.

"Ow!"

Janie jumped at the unknown voice. "Oh my God! Lizzy? Did you bring someone with-" Janie's jaw dropped in shock when her eyes found bright blue ones staring back at her. The gentleman standing before her was tall, had a brilliant smile, and the most shocking orange hair she had every seen in her life. This man was quite handsome, even with him rubbing his forehead frantically in an attempt to will away a knot that was threatening to rise.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Um, Janie?" Lizzy nervously started. "Uhhh, remember my... um... friend?"

Janie acted as if she didn't hear her. The man in front of her had managed to capture her full attention. "Huh?"

"My friend. I brought him here with me," Lizzy repeated. When Janie still didn't respond Lizzy realized her best friend was actually checking Fred out. Lizzy gave her a light slap on the shoulder. "Snap out of it, he's with me."

"Do what?" Janie shook her head, trying to clear the fog she was lost in. She immediately stuck her hand out and gave him a brilliant smile. "Hi there, I'm Janie. And you are?"

Fred stopped rubbing his head to take Janie's hand in his. "I'm Fred."

Janie's smile immediately disappeared. "Excuse me?"

"Oh shit..." Lizzy muttered under her breath.

"Erm... I said Fredrick... yes... Fredrick." Fred nervously replied.

Janie narrowed her eyes. "It's the same name... only shorter." She turned to Lizzy. "Elizabeth, don't tell me you're now going to date random guys named Fred in order to get over your 'condition.'"

"What condition does she have? It'd better not be Cornflakes disease. I had that once. Quite messy," Fred replied.

The look of confusion that spread across Janie's face was almost priceless. "Lizzy, what in the hell-"

"Remember my IMAGINARY FRIEND? You know... Fred?" Lizzy slowly enunciated. She then pointed her eyes in Fred's direction and gave Janie a reassuring nod. "That's him."

Janie slowly looked from Lizzy to Fred as if she were watching them in slow motion. The gears finally clicked in understanding and she openly stared at Fred as if he were an alien. "No way."

Fred looked confused. "'No way' what? What is it?" He leaned in close and gave Janie a good eyeballing. "Hey Snotface, I think there's something wrong with this lady here," he said while giving Janie a once over. Suddenly his eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh heeeeey! She's the one who was giving free chair rides at that office place! Oooo! Can I have another one of those?"

Janie gave Fred one last look and collapsed to the floor.

"Fred! Why didn't you grab her?" Lizzy yelled as she rushed to her best friend's side.

"What? That wasn't my fault she passed out!"

"Technically it was," Lizzy grumbled. She managed to pull Janie into her arms and give her a small tap on the face in an attempt to wake her up.

"Oi, that's not gonna work. Here, let me slap her." Fred began to rear back his hand.

"NO!" Lizzy said, quickly putting her arm out. "Just... just... stand there and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

"Can I touch myself?" Fred thrust his hips out in a lewd gesture.

"Fred?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Fine. Shutting up and NOT touching anything. BOR-ING!" Fred replied. He watched Lizzy try and shake Janie, but she was still out cold. An idea sprung into Fred's mind and he began to flail and moan in an attempt to get Lizzy's attention.

Lizzy jerked her head up. "What on EARTH are you doing?" she asked. Fred tried to tell her without opening his mouth, but Lizzy quickly stopped him. "Okay okay! I get the point! You can speak!"

Fred let out a huge breath. "Finally! Okay, Snotface, I have an idea that I know will work."

Lizzy gave him a wary look. "And that is?"

"We'll throw her into a bathtub filled with electric eels! They'll zap her awake!"

"Fred."

"Yes?"

"Again... shut up."

Fred gave her a snort. "FINE. Not my fault your batty friend can't keep conscious around Drop Dead Fred- ... er... Fredrick!"

The sound of Fred's name seemingly made Janie's eyes slam open. She tilted her head towards Lizzy and asked, "Lizzy... is Drop Dead Fred in my apartment?"

"Um... yeah..."

Janie sat up and twisted her head towards Fred. He managed to look at Janie calmly and gave her a small wave. "Hello."

"I'm dreaming..."

"No, no you're not," Lizzy reassured her. "He's here. He's... um... real."

"He's a hunk!" Janie exclaimed. "Jesus, Lizzy! Where do I sign up for one of these imaginary friends?! Are they mail-order?"

"HA! See? I'm a hunk!" Fred grinned.

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Janie are you okay?"

"I'm good," she replied as she pushed herself off of the floor. She took in another eyeful of Fred and all his 'hunkiness.' "Seriously, who do I have to talk to get me one of these?" she asked again while pointing at Fred.

"Yeah, you don't want one," Lizzy said, picking herself up off the floor. "Trust me, they are much more trouble than they are worth."

"OI! I AM standing here you know! And it's not like I wanted to get stuck with a snotface like you to begin with!" Fred huffed. "You, with your fancy wines, your GIRLY male friends, and your... your... broccoli tasting!" he finished, mimicking her tasting foods with his pinky daintily sticking out.

Lizzy gave Janie a pointed look. "See what I mean?"

"Well he is right about the wine fetish and the girly male friends..."

"HA! See! I like her already!" Fred agreed with Janie.

"Fred, don't make me regret bringing you over here..." Lizzy warned.

"Chill out, Elizabeth. Fred, come on in and sit down," Janie said, trying to make her new guest feel at home.

"Thank you! Don't mind if do," Fred replied. He stuck his tongue out at Lizzy as he made his way to the couch.

"Classy, Janie..." Lizzy muttered. She walked over to the couch and took a seat next to Fred.

"So, you're supposed to be imaginary," Janie said as she sat down in the chair opposite of the couple on the couch. "How is it that you're real now?"

"Lizzy hit me with the car," Fred replied.

"DO WHAT?"

"It was an accident," Lizzy tried to explain.

"IT sure didn't FEEL like an accident," Fred teased. Lizzy scowled and slapped him in the shoulder in response. "OW! See? Accident my arse!"

"Wow, he certainly brings out the violent side of you, doesn't he?" Janie asked with a knowing smile on her face.

"Doesn't help that you're encouraging him," Lizzy hissed under her breath.

Janie gave her friend another smirk. "So! You hit him with the car. Very romantic." She turned her attention back to Fred. "So what? Now you're here for good?"

Fred nodded. "Yep. No magic, and I've got a real name now. Got cards and papers with my name all over them."

Janie gave Lizzy and Fred a confused look. "Um... that's kind of... illegal."

"Well here, look for yourself," Lizzy said as she pulled out all of Fred's identification from her purse.

Janie looked over the paperwork with a critical eye. "Wow, these look... real..."

"So... everything's good, then?" Fred warily asked.

"Yep, it all looks good," Janie confirmed. "So, you here and in Lizzy's care, correct?" Fred gave her a nod. She nodded in return and turned her attention to Lizzy. "So now what do you plan on doing with him?"

"Well, this morning she already gave me a good once over with her mouth-"

"FRED!" Lizzy shouted as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Ooo! Spill the beans, hon, inquiring minds want to know," Janie quipped, giving Fred a wink of approval.

"Oh my God, kill me now..." Lizzy groaned.

Fred looked at Lizzy out of the corner of his eye and saw that he might be pushing his new lover too far. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Alright, I'll behave. But only if you promise to do that thing with your throat again."

"DO WHAT?!" Janie was perched on the edge of her chair now, her eagerness to hear the rest of the story was flowing off of her in waves. "Lizzy, hon, you and I are having a girls night ASAP!"

"Girls night? What's that?" Fred asked. "There won't be any blokes about, will there?"

"No hon, it's just as the name implies," Janie reassured him.

"Gotcha." Fred nodded. He gave Lizzy a nudge in the ribs. "Better phone up Fartpants. You all can go get your nails done."

Janie gave Fred a curious look. "Who's Fartpants?"

"Lizzy's other girly best friend."

"He means Mickey," Lizzy said, giving Fred a cold stare.

"You mean Mickey's gay? Why were you thinking about going out with a gay guy?" Janie asked. "You couldn't have been THAT lonely, Lizzy-"

"Okay, can we just DROP this?" Lizzy interjected.

"Okay, but listen, I'm fine with Mickey going as long as he pays for all of us," Janie said, holding her hands up in retreat.

"HA! See there, Snotface? Now you can get your nails done for free," Fred said, smugly. "You should be thanking me. Not only am I thrifty, but your friend thinks I'm a hunk AND I'm a stallion in the sack. She's got herself a keeper here, doesn't she?" he asked Janie with a waggle of his eyebrows and that ever-crooked grin.

"I'd say," Janie agreed. "So Fred, again, WHERE can I get one of these delightful imaginary friends? Is there a catalog out there I can peruse? A mailing list perhaps?"

Lizzy let out another groan and buried her face in her hands. She TOTALLY didn't expect Fred and Janie to get along as well as they were, and she certainly didn't expect them to bond over her embarrassment.

Fred ignored Lizzy's inner tirade and continued to carry on the conversation. "Hmm," he said, putting a finger to his lips as he thought of a good answer. "I'm not sure. You may have to ask Calypso."

"Calypso? Now THAT'S a sexy name," Janie said while fanning herself. "Think you can give him my number?"

"What's he going to do with a number? Is this like a lottery?"

"I'll explain later," Lizzy interjected again in hopes to change the subject. "Janie, we're actually here to ask you a favor."

"You want to have a threesome. I totally accept."

"What's a threesome?" Fred asked.

"Oh GOD! Can we PLEASE get back to the subject?" Lizzy groaned. She was mentally kicking herself for bringing Fred over here with her at this point.

"But I want to know what a threesome is!" Fred complained.

Janie put her hand up. "I'll explain it to him, Lizzy. It's when a guy and two girls, or a girl and two guys, get together and have raunchy sex."

Fred put his hand to his chin as he thought about the definition. "Well, better you than Fartpants. I'm not sure what kind of bits he's got hiding in his trousers-"

"Okay, ENOUGH!" Lizzy roared. She gave Janie a glare. "Are you done yet?"

"Not really. But you know you're going to suffer when you bring over hot ex-imaginary friends," Janie replied with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Fine, yes, whatever," Lizzy sighed. "But seriously. We're here to ask you a favor... a huge favor at that."

"Oh? Now you have me intrigued. What's going on?"

"I... er... WE... need to um,... borrow some money," Lizzy stuttered. She HATED asking her friend for money, but hopefully Janie would be gracious about it.

Janie gave Lizzy a small frown. "Money? Why? Are you in trouble?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. Think of it as an investment opportunity."

"Investment? In what?"

"Um... child care?" Lizzy said with a forced smile on her face. Fred vigorously nodded his head in agreement.

Janie gave the both of them an odd look. "That doesn't quite sound like an investment opportunity..."

"Yeah, but you got loads of money since your pirate ship sunk!" Fred replied.

"Fred! Don't be rude," Lizzy chided. "Seriously, we need some help in starting up a daycare."

"A daycare! Why on Earth would you want to start up a daycare? You're a court reporter, Lizzy! You've got a really good trade under your belt," Janie argued.

"Well, it's not for ME, it's for Fred," Lizzy explained.

"For Fred?" Janie looked at him in disbelief. "Did you put her up to this?"

"Of course not! It was Calypso's idea!" Fred replied frantically. The last thing he wanted was Janie pissed at him for any of this. He'd seen how deadly she could be with a shoe...

"Fred's certified, Janie. He's got a degree and a license for child care," Lizzy said, trying to diffuse her friend's concerns.

Janie leafed back through Fred's paperwork and found the child care license. "Well I'll be dammed. Where's the degree?"

"We left that at the house... was a little big for my purse," Lizzy said.

"It's framed and all smart-looking!" Fred exclaimed, giving Janie a thumbs-up.

"So see, everything is legit," Lizzy continued. "So, what do you think?"

"Whoa, Lizzy, I don't know about this. I mean, yeah I have plenty in my savings, but this isn't a normal investment."

"Okay, fine. Don't look at it as an investment; look at it as a loan. He can't watch kids in my apartment. It's not big enough."

"Well where in the hell is he going to watch them, then?"

"Well..." Lizzy looked a bit nervous as she pulled a piece of scrap newspaper out of her purse. "Here's the address."

Janie looked at the paper. "'Small structure for sale. Heat and air conditioning, small kitchen, and large area with three offices. Serious inquiries only.'" Janie squinted hard and looked at the address. "Lizzy, this is close to where you live."

"Yeah, it's close and convenient." Lizzy sighed. She had to give Calypso credit. The man certainly knew how to work the system in their favor. "So do you think you could help us out?"

"Wow Lizzy, I mean, this is kind of a scary venture. Even I'm not working now... you know...since the 'incident,'" Janie said, shooting a glare in Fred's direction. He let out a small meep and tried to shrink into the couch.

"Well, I mean, you could like... keep up the books and whatnot. You could make sure all the money is going to the right place," Lizzy said.

"Lizzy, again, I REALLY don't know about this-"

"I'll tell Calypso you're interested in a good pigeon pecking!" Fred blurted out. Lizzy and Janie looked at him like he was insane. "What? We need money. She needs a good shagging," Fred explained as he pointed to Janie. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is the last time you were left in a building you managed to sink it... literally," Janie deadpanned. "Can you see how I'm somewhat reluctant to give money to someone who is as destructive as you?"

"But if you do these book thingys like Snotface was talking about, then you'll be able to keep an eye on me!" Fred was frantically grabbing straws at this point. This again had all been Calypso's idea... too bad the bastard didn't have the balls to show up and help convince Lizzy's friend.

"Janie, I'll help him. I'll... I'll give up court reporting and help him run the place," Lizzy said with a resigned sigh. "I'm not working either, and I'll take what's left of my savings and help with the costs. Granted it's no where the amount that's really needed, but I'm really serious about this. I mean come on, he's been given everything to become a responsible adult-"

"And you think he's responsible now?" Janie interjected.

"Well no..." Lizzy said nervously.

"Hey! I'm sitting here!" Fred hollered with a hurt tone in his voice.

Both women looked at Fred, and Lizzy reached out to take his hand. "Fred, this is serious. If this doesn't work the both of us will be broke and living out on the street," she warned. "I know there are some 'real world' concepts you don't get yet, and of course I'll help you understand them whenever they come up, but still... this is something you have to take seriously."

Fred yanked his hand out of Lizzy's grasp and stood up, giving both of them a stern scowl. "Now listen here! I've been with multiple charges during my time as an imaginary friend! The child that I was assigned to has always been my number one priority," he ranted. "So what if I've shaved cats, thrown paint on the elderly, broken things or made huge muddy messes? My kids have always had fun and never gotten hurt! I've always been there when they needed me! No matter how uncomfortable I was, it's ALWAYS been about the kids. ALWAYS. So instead of doubting my ability to be responsible, why don't you just trust me for once! I just MIGHT know what I'm doing, you know!"

Janie and Lizzy exchanged guilty looks. While Janie wasn't really aware of any of Fred's good qualities, other than sinking her house which caused her to be almost a millionaire, Lizzy knew full well that Fred always had the best interests at heart. She gave Janie a small smile. "He means it. He'll be wonderful with the kids."

Janie looked at the both of them and let out a huge sigh. "Okay, okay, FINE. Lizzy, you call that realtor and I'll call the bank tomorrow. Fred... you only have ONE job right now."

"What's that then?"

"I'd better get a date outta this with that Calypso guy."

* * *

"Whew! See? She didn't kill me!" Fred grinned while he and Lizzy hopped into the car.

"That was painful. I HATE having to ask people, especially my best friend, for money," Lizzy grumbled. "I'm not going to feel good about this until we pay her back, you know."

"We'll pay her back. If not, I'll have Calypso go and sex her up a bit so we can skip town."

"Ha ha, very funny," Lizzy mocked as she turned the engine over. She fought with the gear shift to move it in reverse so they could leave the apartment complex. "And the next thing we're gonna work on is finding a simpler car for you to learn how to drive. If you think I'm going to teach you how to drive a stick, you are out of your mind."

Fred rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat and gazed out the window. "Hey now! I can learn anything! I'm Dro- ...Fredrick Michael Thompson!"

Lizzy smiled and shook her head. "About time you got your name right..."

Fred gave her a mock pout as his mind wandered back to today's events. This would be a new adventure for him and he was secretly excited about the daycare business. Taking care of kids would be a cinch as long as Lizzy and Janie took care of all that other adult stuff. Now, he just had to get Calypso to cooperate and give Lizzy's friend a good shagging.

He snuck a glance at the woman sitting next to him and smiled inwardly. How was he this lucky to have such a beautiful snotface in his life? He knew she had really went out on a limb for him today, and he planned on making it up to her, even if it took the rest of his life to show her how much 'his Elizabeth' meant to him. Her smile, her laughter, her... Snotfaceness was just too endearing to him. A warmth spread through his chest as his love for Lizzy brought an unrestrained smile to his face.

That smile quickly turned into a devious smirk as Fred had a another thought race through his mind. If he had to start showing Lizzy how much she meant to him, well there was no time like the present.

"Hey 'Lisbeth," he purred as he leaned over to Lizzy and gently stroked the side of her face. "How about you drive my stick instead?"

* * *

SO! There will be a sequel to this story so stay tuned! Also... I'm sure I'll add a few smutty one-shots here and there. And don't forget to check out Zombierose3's stories! They are made of epic win!


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